BREAKING: Auto-Cleaning of Minmatar Ships in Response to a Spate of Xenophobia to be Mandated

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Last week, following a significant increase of Minmatar ship destruction across New Eden, CCP implemented an auto-clean mechanic each time a Minmatar ship docks or undocks. CCP Pointy Bits, in a public message announced the change, highlighting a growing concern that EVE Online was becoming a Xenophobic Anti-Minmatar platform:

“Sadly, we have seen a spike in anti-Minmatar sentiment among the players of EVE Online. We have been forced to make this auto-clean function a permanent addition to the game. The whole visual style of Minmatar rust buckets has led to a growing opinion that Minmatar ships are unclean and viral agent spreaders. Even though EVE Online is just a game and players are just trying to shield themselves from an ingame fictional disease that doesn’t exist, it is causing significant disruption for players who just wish to have a good time in their Thrashers.” CCP Pointy Bits announced via vague swaying and rustlings of its appendages and thorns.

CCP Pointy Bits addresses hostile reporter in earlier press conference

Even frozen corpses of Minmatar Capsuleers are not safe from growing resentment as corpse dealers are refusing their purchase and sale outright. Many Stargates are now littered with untold numbers of Minmatar corpses which passers-by refuse to scoop.

Rens, the heart of Minmatar commerce, has seen a drastic reduction in sales and imports following the epidemic in the real world. Officials and role-players alike have stockpiled Vaccines and reduced taxes in an effort to overcome the slowdown; numbers of active pilots continue to plummet day to day.

CODE, a popular and loved ingame group has taken on the mantle of vigilante justice to the praise of many. Numerous blockades along public routes have been reported where no single “filthy rust bucket” has passed through alive. Many in the past have come to loathe the organisation, but in this time of peril public sentiment has turned and many are praising the valiant effort the organisation is putting into the safety of all.

It is not just Minmatar ships which are falling foul to conspiracy theories, however. Starbase Control towers are also coming under increasing attack by vigilante groups who believe they are viral proliferators, especially the Minmatar variants.