Picture: Unknown Government Agency – MMORPG Player Containment Department
High PLEX prices and increasing community discontent amongst Eve Online players are becoming a major concern for international cyber security agencies and government internal security departments. Fears of hobbyist militia leaders, scam artists, dedicated financial system breakers, programmers, and AI machine learning experts may leave the contained gameplay environment of Eve Online and escape into the wider public world.
Meeting notes and correspondence has made their way in brief amounts to hacker forums and message boards. Noted are the increasing fears that the overzealous and dedicated player base may escape their contained hobby and bring their espionage, scams, programming, and financial skills among other concerning activities into the global environment to great destruction.
CCP games, the developer of Eve Online, has apparently been tasked over the last two decades of containing “problematic” citizens across the world into a contained environment where their talents can be implemented without harm to society at large. However, this seems to be slowly failing and is near total failure.
Unpopular gameplay changes, subscription price rises, stagnant content, and persistent absence of Hello Kitty ship skins are having a major impact on player satisfaction and retention in the popular MMORPG Eve Online. Although recent Faction Warfare in-game changes have reinvigorated the player base to a degree, there are doubts of how effective small changes will be in the future of the game.
Noted example in one of the reports: one player has been implicated in the complete collapse of financial markets in the cryptocurrency spheer (LUNA, SOL are named) as well as the entire country of Sri Lanka. The exact modus is still being investigated but the cause has been narrowed down to this one individual who recently canceled their subscription prior to the events in the real world.
The CIA has recently started dedicating staff to playing the game and generating activity to slow down the decline of the community base. Eve Online bots are rivaled to none, and implementations in the real world would have devastating consequences for all, so naturally, the CIA has been purchasing them as well to keep their creators engaged and ingame.
“The expertise of Eve Online players is astounding, but their psychology is sadly not compatible with the world at large. The players must be contained at all costs” Commented an in-depth crisis report by an unnamed United Nations agency.
It’s okay, they’re all just coming over to Star Citizen gradually to continue their destructive lifestyles. “Star Citizens beware! Your happy days of blissful bunker busting and relaxing 30k rest periods are numbered! Before long you, too, will have to start zig-zagging between planets to avoid direct-to-destination gate camp style ambushes, and counting your ship as a total loss once you request the hangar doors opened. Good luck getting her home one piece!”
Wait, that game actually came out?
I see no references to actual reality
This was the dumbest article I’ve ever read.is it supposed to be serious?
Giving ship spinners too much credit
I cant tell if this article is for real or just a joke..
Here is a hint, if you cannot tell if this is real. The website has the word “onion” in it. I hope this helps.
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