NEW EDEN – YC128-10-22
The Council of Stellar Management has officially opened nominations for the upcoming election cycle, and New Eden’s political landscape has already devolved into what experts are calling “a spectacular dumpster fire in zero gravity.”
CONCORD issued a stern warning to all candidates this week, reminding them that “vote-buying with PLEX, faction standings, or promises of future buffs to specific ship classes” remains strictly prohibited under the Capsuleer Electoral Fairness Act of YC117. The warning came after a nullsec alliance reportedly offered members triple SRP payments for proof of voting receipts.
Early frontrunner “TitanForAll” has gained significant traction with a populist platform promising “at least one free Titan for every active capsuleer, delivered via corporate courier contract.” When pressed on logistics, the candidate’s campaign manager stated they would “figure out the details after the election, probably.”
“Look, I am not saying I can deliver a Titan to every pilot,” said TitanForAll during a recent campaign rally in Jita. “I am just saying other candidates are not even trying.”
Meanwhile, independent candidate “PochvenPatriot” has raised eyebrows with the slogan “Make Pochven Great Again,” vowing to build a “beautiful wall” around the region and make the Triglavians pay for it. Triglavian representatives could not be reached for comment, though local observers noted “the Clades do not acknowledge your electoral process.”
A minor scandal erupted yesterday when leaked comms revealed “IndustryFirst” allegedly traded manufacturing slot priority in exchange for bloc votes. The candidate dismissed the allegations as “standard campaign outreach” and questioned why anyone was surprised.
Voter turnout is projected to reach “embarrassingly low levels, even by galactic standards,” according to CONCORD election monitors. Last cycle, only four percent of eligible capsuleers participated, with the remaining ninety-six percent reportedly “too busy shooting each other to care about politics.”
Voting opens next week. Results are expected sometime between “soon” and “whenever the servers stop catching fire.”
