EVE Onion reporters obtained evidence this week of a new line of Super Kerr-Induced Nanocoatings (SKINs) coming Soontm. Although the manufacturer is redacted from leaked documents, the SKIN family and applicable ships are clearly visible. “Stoudt Day” skins provide capsuleers with the unique opportunity to enhance their Minmatar ships with even more Stoudt Tape (also known as Duct Tape in some circles) than is typically used in the manufacture of Minmatar vessels. The SKIN also renders several popular ships from other nations virtually indistinguishable from Minmatar ships.
Unlike most SKINs, this line of single-use SKINs appears to have the unique characteristic that they cannot be removed without destroying the ship, and may have other unintended side-effects. Watermarks and notations on some SKIN blueprints seem to indicate they were initially designed by a Caldari industrialist corporation, with the intention of disguising Caldari Militia ships in order to allow penetration deep into Minmatar territory. Upon discovering that Faction Warfare is Dead, the industrialist simply re-branded the covert technology as an homage to Matari technology and culture.
His Holiness, Max Singularity, upon viewing early evidence, raised the first alarm that perhaps these SKINs are not as innocuous as they appear. “I thought it was just a skin color, but it turns out it is duct tape and plywood.” An expert in starship engineering, upon reviewing the schematics, expressed similar concern that “I don’t see how these modifications could possibly result in a ship safe for warp flight, despite their…stylish…appearance. Of course I’m not exactly sure how any Minmatar ships make it out of the docking bay without blowing up.”
A Rens ship spinner, speaking upon condition of anonymity, offered a different perspective. “I will absolutely cash in PLEX to purchase these SKINs. The fact they cannot be removed without destroying the ship, and that an improperly spun ship may stick to the hangar walls and require destructive removal by maintenance crews only adds to the challenge. The effect of these SKINs upon flight or combat characteristics is entirely irrelevant to my area of expertise.”
The three remaining industrialists servicing Hek and Rens were equally enthusiastic. “Our clients are discriminating, and typically have a high regard for generous application of duct tape, pardon me, Stoudt Tape. We get incredible satisfaction from the opportunity to approach our best clients with the line: ‘yo dawg, I hear you like tape with your ship, so I put some tape on your rusty tape ship so you can tape yourself flying a taped up rusty tape ship through the warzone while you jam out to a mix tape.’ The only thing that would make it better is if we could offer Stoudt Tape formal wear.”
Gecko Hareka offers a uniquely Matari perspective:
The history of duct tape culture and skills actually goes back to the famous Matari ancestor macgyver. His wisdoms are cherished amongst the Matari people travelling to the stars. His sayings are taught to children at an early age and having this as a line of skills will expose new people to his wisdoms, and the most important secret to the success of Minmatar engineering. Most things in a Minmatar ship can be fixed with duct tape. If it cannot be fixed with tape use more duct tape (especially on solar sails). Duct tape cannot fix screams, but it can muffle them until your enemies are taped to the bulkheads.
“Stoudt Day” appears to be a reference to Vesta Stoudt, the mythical inventor of the tape bearing her name, and the exact release date remain a mystery; evidence is strong this SKIN collection will stick to shelves in just a few weeks. Stick around, and find out!
Image courtesy of Rixx Javix
