The time of crisis was 19:14 UTC, the start to the “Great Downtime” as it is being heralded by many on Eve Online forms and other social media websites.
The MMORPG Eve Online has been offline for over 3 hours now, and already the effects of the feral and under-medicated player base can already be seen creeping into normal society. Google trends have seen a significant increase in mundane and puzzling queries such as “How to open doors to the outside” or “Is outside safe?” and the comical “How does the green spikey stuff outside grow on Oreo dust?”.
Whispers of government agencies across the world canceling current plans to convene emergency meetings if the Eve Online downtime continues have broken into the talk of the public at large. An underlying tone of panic can be seen in reporters and newsreaders on popular news channels and platforms commenting on the game being offline for the past few hours. Any viewer can taste the tension and panic building by the moment as time progresses and the game is still offline.
The Eve Online player base is well known for its budding espionage attempts, scams, and ultra-complex market manipulations, and government officials fear that without their virtual narcotics society may be at risk.
In the meantime, readers are advised by The Eve Onion to stock up on batteries, non-perishable foodstuffs, and bottled water.
We will keep you updated as the situation develops, stay safe, stay smart, and don’t answer your door to anyone announcing a firesale.
