REYKJAVIK, Iceland & CALIFORNIA, USA – In a stunning announcement that has left the gaming and space exploration communities aghast, CCP Games and eccentric billionaire Elon Musk have disclosed a groundbreaking partnership: the forthcoming construction of real-life starships based on designs from the popular online video game, EVE Online.
“Reality is just a version of a video game that is less graphically impressive and has really unforgiving permadeath settings,” Musk proclaimed during a joint press conference with CCP Games’ CEO Hilmar Veigar Pétursson. “So why not just start building EVE ships? Sure, the physics might not exactly translate, but we’ll work it out. How hard can it be?”
Pétursson agreed wholeheartedly. “We’re extremely thrilled with this partnership. Who cares if the physics of our game have only a passing acquaintance with those of the real world? We’re in the business of dreams, and Elon is a guy who turns dreams into reality. Even if those dreams fly in the face of what’s currently scientifically possible.”
SpaceX engineers were reported to be “enthusiastically apprehensive” about the announcement, with one unnamed engineer heard muttering something about “the CEO has finally lost his mind,” before being gently escorted out of the room by security.
The first ship slated for production, the Titan-class Avatar, is said to require a significant amount of materials for its creation, including approximately the total metallic content of the Asteroid Belt. Musk has hinted at a new mining operation to acquire these resources, tentatively titled “Operation Ore Extraction for Space Haul” or ORE SH for short. Detractors have pointed out that the acronym appears to be a thinly veiled jab at existing space agencies.
Adding to the quirkiness of this announcement, Musk has also hinted at an ‘Immortality Project.’ This project aims to develop clone-vat technology, just as EVE capsuleers use, to facilitate crew transfers between planets or even star systems. “Dying in space is so last century,” Musk quipped.
In related news, EVE Online player subscriptions skyrocketed with the announcement, with many players hoping that their in-game skills might translate to real-world opportunities. However, experts are uncertain how effective a Veldspar mining IV skill would be in an actual asteroid field.
The CCP and Musk partnership, or ‘CCP x Musk’ as fans have started calling it, promises a future of adventure and almost certain bankruptcy. Or as one Reddit user commented, “To infinity and beyond… the bounds of financial sanity!”
When asked if these starships would have weapons systems, Musk responded with, “Why not?” before adding, “Lasers are cool,” causing international security analysts to collectively facepalm. However, it appears he was just teasing – we hope.
This partnership has ushered in a new era of boundary-pushing innovation, perfectly encapsulating the mantra of Musk’s ventures: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. But a little bit of scientific feasibility might also be useful.”
