news

AT Rules Shakeup

CCP thrilled their EVE Online player-base with a much anticipated announcement video last week. After being canceled for two years due to budget and...

Saving New Eden One Ore Pack at a Time

I don't like all the violent PvP nonsense that 'modern' society imposes upon CCP's vision of the future. EVE Online is more than just...

Dunk Dinkle Exposed! Secret Goonswarm Leader Rushes to Damage Control.

In a tumultuous turn of events, it appears that beloved Brave Newbies personality, Dunk Dinkle, has been exposed as a secret leader of Goonswarm...

Happy to be Back in the Office

As COVID-19 restrictions ease across most of the regions most heavily populated by EVE players, CCP struggles to deal with unanticipated consequences.  Accustomed to "working...

Eve Onion to Cut Expenses by Firing Staff, Reprinting Whatever Matterall Says on Talking in Stations

In order to keep up with the rising costs of managing an online fake news website, CEO OpusMagnum has made the executive decision to...

BREAKING NEWS: CCP Games busted for attempted COVID-19 Grant Scam

An undercover investigator claims to have evidence that CCP Games executives are deliberately tanking revenues to participate in a grant program by the Icelandic...

CCP RELEASES THE ELITE PLAYER RETENTION PACK

Posted as a notice on the front door of CCP Headquarters this morning was an announcement of the release for the latest EVE PLEX...

Players are Happier if They Don’t Know Who The Mittani Is, Study Finds

H.S.—A study performed by the Amarr Research Institute found a strong link between happiness and not knowing who The Mittani is. "We found that players...

Null Bloc Line Members Actually Enjoy Fleet for the Entire Form-up Period

Delve - After 3 sleepless weeks of false-alarm pings in preparation for “the big one”, line members from both TAPI+ and The Imperium formed...

Where are they now? Chance Ravinne

"Sir? A trio are here requesting..." Scarlette's voice trails off as the door opens sufficiently to reveal Chance Ravinne's back facing the door, his gaze...

On the Road with CSM Hopeful Xtra Squishy

Outside Buusar, Somalia The scorched and barren hills fly by amid the dust devils; lurching among detonated landmines along this stretch of broken road. Where...

Living the Meme

When you think sexy EVE CSM candidates you probably think of Gym’taan, Manic Velocity, or Max Singularity. Same, fam. A few in the know...

Minmatar Republic To Build Lantorn Monument to Dead Machariel Crewmembers

On March 31, another battle was waged in an ongoing conflict between Rekking Crew (RC) Coalition and Snuffed Out in the system of Lantorn....

Suez Canal Company Under Fire After new Auto-Pilot Program Shuts Down Entire World Economy

Anyang, South Korea Last night, police and riot control forces were assembled in orderly ranks in front of the beleaguered headquarters of Pearl Abyss, their...

Eve Onion Under New Management, Vows to Become Respectable News Organization

In a memo to staff, Eve Onion News announced that we are now under new management. Over the last few months, a private investor...

Where are They Now: Jin’taan

Priorities are a funny thing. We think we know what's important to us, and slot things into a relative priority order something like: food,...