news

Capsuleer Accidentally Arms Entire Enemy Fleet After Purchasing 1,000 Missile Launchers Instead Of Ammo

JITA — In a devastating display of market inefficiency that has left Alliance commanders scrambling and Market CEOs counting their ISK, a lone capsuleer has inadvertently armed what experts...

Miners Officially Stripped Of Capsuleer Status By CONCORD After Years Of Complaint Letters

JITA - In a landmark decision that has sent shockwaves through New Eden's mining community, CONCORD has officially reclassified all miners as "non-combat industrial...

Area Man Who Flies 17 Accounts Still Can’t Win 1-V-1 Fight

JITA — In a development that has shocked absolutely no one who has ever flown with him, a local pilot who operates seventeen accounts...

CCP Introduces New Fun Metric To Determine When Players Are Actually Having Good Time

AMSTERDAM—In a groundbreaking move that has left the EVE Online playerbase questioning their entire existence, CCP Games announced Tuesday the introduction of a revolutionary...

CCP Unveils New AI Designed To Handle All Player Complaints Before Theyre Even Filed

REYKJAVIK - In a groundbreaking development that industry analysts are calling either genius or completely unhinged, CCP Games has unveiled a new artificial intelligence...

Breaking News: ‘Bazooka’ Weapon Threatens Entire Titan Fleet After 7-Day-Old Pilot Achieves What CCP Couldn’t

JITA - In a stunning development that has sent shockwaves through New Eden, intelligence analysts have confirmed the existence of a devastating new weapon...

Capsuleer Declares “100% Safe” Route, Gets Ganked Instantly

Jita-based optimist “Safety Steve” proudly shared his new gank-proof courier route on r/eve. Within 15 minutes, his fully loaded Obelisk exploded in highsec. “CONCORD was...

CCP Announces “Downtime Simulator” Expansion, Now You Too Can Experience Daily Maintenance Year-Round

In a nostalgic twist on New Eden’s beloved daily ritual, CCP Games has announced its latest innovation: Downtime Simulator, an expansion that recreates the...

New App “EVE Whisper” Launches, Promising Anonymous Intel Sharing

In a development more scandalous than a botched bitter vet alliance takeover, a new app called EVE Whisper has entered the New Eden ecosystem,...

CCP Games Announces “EVE: The Cooking Show”

In a move more unexpected than a solo Rorqual in lowsec, CCP Games has unveiled EVE: The Cooking Show, an in-game feature designed to...

CCP Games Unveils “EVE: The Musical”

In a surprise announcement, CCP Games has revealed its latest artistic endeavor: EVE: The Musical, a Broadway-style production designed to chronicle the emotional turbulence...

Mineral Price Index Raising Concerns

In the vast expanse of New Eden, where spaceships roam and fortunes are made, one profession stands out for its sheer simplicity and profitability:...

Americans Find No Escape from Reality in Their Dystopian Video Game as Real Life Gets Even More Dystopian

In a shocking turn of events, Americans playing the popular MMO sci-fi game EVE Online are finding it increasingly difficult to escape their realities....

Eve Onion Wins The Scope Off the Hypernet, Declares Itself Galactic News Overlord

In a shocking turn of events, Eve Onion, the satirical news organization of New Eden, has won The Scope off the HyperNet Relay. The...

Eve Online Devs Too Busy Playing to Work On the Game

In a turn of events that should surprise nobody, the Game Masters of EVE Online have gone rogue, not to fight bugs or balance...

Blood Raider Priest Under Fire for Diluting Sacrificial Blood with Quafe

In a shocking twist that has left the galaxy's most nefarious cultists and capsuleers alike in utter disbelief, a high-ranking Blood Raider priest is...

CCP Games Explores Remote Teams in Response to Volcano Threat

Sources report that CCP Games is evaluating remote employment options in light of what is anticipated to be ongoing and escalating threats of volcanic...