news - EVE Onion

Americans Find No Escape from Reality in Their Dystopian Video Game as Real Life Gets Even More Dystopian

In a shocking turn of events, Americans playing the popular MMO sci-fi game EVE Online are finding it increasingly difficult to escape their realities....

news February 12, 2025

Eve Onion Wins The Scope Off the Hypernet, Declares Itself Galactic News Overlord

In a shocking turn of events, Eve Onion, the satirical news organization of New Eden, has won The Scope off the HyperNet Relay. The...

news November 15, 2024

Eve Online Devs Too Busy Playing to Work On the Game

In a turn of events that should surprise nobody, the Game Masters of EVE Online have gone rogue, not to fight bugs or balance...

news November 5, 2024

Blood Raider Priest Under Fire for Diluting Sacrificial Blood with Quafe

In a shocking twist that has left the galaxy's most nefarious cultists and capsuleers alike in utter disbelief, a high-ranking Blood Raider priest is...

news October 18, 2024

CCP Games Explores Remote Teams in Response to Volcano Threat

Sources report that CCP Games is evaluating remote employment options in light of what is anticipated to be ongoing and escalating threats of volcanic...

news November 16, 2023

Live, Laugh, Love, Align – The Perils of Marrying an Eve Online Player

Tonight was going to be another lonely night shared only between Jessica and the cast of Grey's Anatomy. Her husband was in another room,...

news October 6, 2023

CCP Games Showcases ‘Pay Your Colors’ Personalized Ship Skins in Development

In a move that should have stunned no one in the EVE community, CCP Games announced at the recently concluded Eve Fanfest in Las...

news October 3, 2023

Hotel Rooms of 27 Eve Online Role Players Raided by Icelandic Authorities Over Drugs and Weapons Trafficking Concerns

Special Investigators analyze a seized computer from one of the rooms

news September 21, 2023

CCP ONLINE UNVEILS “ABYSSAL CRATES”: YOUR NEW SPACE OBSESSION!

Hold onto your warp drives, EVE Online fans, because CCP Games blasts the universe with an electrifying surprise: "Abyssal Crates." Get ready to embrace...

news September 8, 2023

Google Trends sees massive increase in “grass related” search queries during extended Eve Online outage

The time of crisis was 19:14 UTC, the start to the “Great Downtime” as it is being heralded by many on Eve Online forms...

news September 1, 2023

What’s Old is New Again: Voice Comms Update Set To Take Local Chat Abuse To New Levels

EVE Online players can now take their in-game communication up a notch with the recent announcement from CCP of an upcoming voice communications feature....

news August 25, 2023

Barbie movie banned by Minmatar Republic over controversial star chart

Denizens of Minmatar Space will have to obtain illicit holoreels of the smash hit Barbie from black market sources following a sweeping ban across...

news August 22, 2023

America Places Sanctions on CCP Games For Technology Theft and Intellectual Property Violations

White House Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, announced in a media briefing this morning that a fresh wave of sanctions is to be placed on...

news July 28, 2023

FRAT to rent The Citadel region

News flash as Noraus announced this evening that Winter Co has decided to march towards Caldari High sec, the justification came from the directors...

news July 21, 2023

[REDACTED] Revealed as EVE Classic

In the latest dank leak, the second bullet of the EVE 20th Anniversary Collector’s Edition is revealed to be an EVE Classic client. “Yo...

news July 7, 2023

Elon Musk & CCP Games Launch New Partnership; EVE Online Ships Set to Break Orbit in 2025

REYKJAVIK, Iceland & CALIFORNIA, USA - In a stunning announcement that has left the gaming and space exploration communities aghast, CCP Games and eccentric...

news June 2, 2023