Local Man Spends 14 Trillion ISK on Blood Raider Battlecruiser, Still Dies in 40 Seconds

THE FORGE – New Eden’s first pirate attack battlecruiser, the Akoman, hit the market this week during Fenris Creations’ Crimson Harvest event. Within hours, capsuleers had figured out the optimal fit. It involves a lot of guns, a lot of blood, and what one veteran FC called “the spiritual equivalent of lighting your wallet on fire and laughing at the flames.”

“I spent fourteen trillion,” said a pilot who asked to remain anonymous but whose killmail revealed the exact expenditure. “I fitted T2 everything, officer webs, and a novelty corpse collection in the cargo hold. Gate camp caught me in Uedama. Forty seconds. Didn’t even get to press the blood sacrifice button.”

The Akoman’s marketing promised “a new era of aggressive mid-scale warfare.” What it delivered, according to independent market analysts, was a 2,300 percent spike in clone bay usage and a brief but glorious period where the Jita local channel stopped complaining about taxes and started complaining about new ship destruction instead.

A representative for Fenris Creations declined to comment on early mortality rates, instead issuing a statement that Crimson Harvest was “proceeding as intended” and that capsuleers should “consider the spiritual value of the journey, not merely the violent abruptness of the endpoint.”

The Blood Raiders, reached for comment in their newly established Pochven tourism offices, said the non-aggression pact with Triglavians was a “mutual enrichment opportunity” and that capsuleers who couldn’t pronounce “Akoman” correctly were welcome to refer to it as “the red one.”

“I called it the Ako-moan for three days,” said capsuleer Velt Korrigan, speaking from his fourth clone of the week. “Turns out it’s Ah-ko-mahn. Turns out it doesn’t matter what you call it when you’re watching it explode.”

Fenris Creations confirmed that Crimson Harvest would run through the end of October, by which point internal projections suggest roughly ninety percent of all Akomans currently in existence will have been converted to killmail statistics. The remaining ten percent, sources say, are already listed on the market at prices their owners describe as “recouping emotional damages.”

One Delve-based alliance director, reached while reorganizing his fleet doctrine around literally anything else, put it simply: “New ship drops are great. But maybe next time, give it a hull tank?”

POCHVEN – In what local residents are calling “the worst housing development since the Kybernauts,” the Blood Raiders have begun moving into Pochven en masse as part of Fenris Creations’ annual Crimson Harvest event. The invaders, sources confirm, are not paying rent, have refused to submit HOA applications, and have already been cited for noise violations related to “ritual chanting at odd hours.”

“They just showed up,” said a Triglavian Clade observer, reached via comms from the Abyss. “One day it was quiet, ominous, and oppressive – the next day there’s a Blood Raider battlecruiser parked in what I can only describe as a fire lane. They left a blueprint copy on my doorstep. I did not ask for this.”

The Blood Raiders, for their part, appear enthusiastic about their new neighborhood. Event literature promises “90% PvP loot drops” and “timed solo challenges,” which local Pochven residents have pointed out is just a polite way of saying “we are going to shoot you and take your things.”

Fenris Creations, when asked for comment, directed inquiries to the Crimson Harvest FAQ page, which states that the event is “open to all capsuleers” and that “Triglavian participation is encouraged but not required.” This has done little to calm tensions among existing Pochven inhabitants, many of whom have spent years cultivating a very specific aesthetic of quiet menace that the Blood Raiders are now undermining with their “aggressive rebranding.”

“I had to explain to my sub-clade what a ‘Hollow Clone’ was,” said the observer. “They thought it was a housing unit. It is not a housing unit. These people are not good neighbors.”

At press time, Fenris confirmed that the Crimson Harvest will run through November 3, giving Pochven residents approximately four weeks to either adapt to their new neighbors or file a formal complaint with the studio’s community team, which sources say is currently backlogged with Ansiblex-related grievances.

JITA — Nullsec logistics directors across New Eden logged in Tuesday to discover that every Ansiblex jump bridge in their territory now runs on capacitor charge, coalition partners are banned from using their infrastructure, and Fenris Creations (formerly CCP Games) expects them to adapt rather than complain.

The Force Projection overhaul went live in the Cradle of War major update, and the screaming began before downtime ended.

“I spent six months optimizing our jump bridge network,” said a logistics director for a bloc that requested anonymity because they are still reading patch notes. “Now I need to redo every spreadsheet, and half the fleet can’t come through anyway because they’re not in the alliance. This is fine. Everything is fine.”

The changes are dramatic. Ansiblex jump bridges now carry a limited capacitor charge that depletes with each jump. Different hulls drain different amounts, and distance matters more than ever. Once the charge hits zero, the bridge goes dark until it recharges. Alliance-only access means coalition partners must build their own bridges or rely on slower methods, like flying across space like a common capsuleer.

“We wanted to make force projection more strategic,” Fenris Creations Design Director FC Okami said in Tuesday’s dev chat. “Also, we have a bet in the Reykjavik office about how many spreadsheets will combust before Friday.”

Coalition diplomats are reportedly holding emergency meetings to discuss “infrastructure sovereignty realignment,” which is nullsec code for figuring out which alliance gets to keep the good jump bridges. The answer, increasingly, is “not yours.”

The update also accelerates Pirate Insurgencies, modernizes wormhole combat sites for the first time since most pilots were in diapers, and shifts Pochven again because Pochven has not been confusing enough. New mutaplasmids for drone support modules ensure that wormhole residents and Pochven enthusiasts will find fresh ways to spend ISK they do not yet have.

“My whole corp is sitting in a wormhole right now trying to figure out if the new NPC AI is smarter or just meaner,” said a Class 2 resident named Vex Ardent. “Either way, our Drake fleet is crying.”

FC Kestrel, the wormhole specialist on the dev team, confirmed during the chat that NPCs now make “smarter use of electronic warfare” and that capsuleers can bring energy neutralization to bear against them. The first part is already terrifying veteran pilots. The second part has sparked a rush on Nosferatu modules.

Ship balance changes hit marauders, black ops battleships, heavy assault cruisers, and assault frigates. Lower mass on marauders and black ops means easier wormhole transit, which wormhole corporations are treating as either a gift or a threat depending on which side of the hole they are on. The Deimos, Phobos, and Vigilant regain railgun range lost to earlier changes, restoring their ability to be expensive and still die to a swarm of T1 frigates.

The patch also introduces achievement tracking in the info panel, allowing pilots to follow up to five objectives at once. Market analysts report a corresponding surge in multitasking-related ship losses.

“At least the wallet exploit got patched,” said a highsec mission runner named Jorah Vale. “For eight glorious days, anyone could see how poor I am. Now it’s back to pretending I’m just frugal.”

Four accounts remain banned for exploiting the 0-ISK donation wallet sniffer that circulated earlier this month. Fenris Creations patched the hole in eight days, a response time that has some players suspiciously praising the studio on Reddit.

Meanwhile, the Alliance Tournament XXII preliminary bracket rolls toward its final weekend, unaffected by the patch because tournament pilots have already accepted that their billion-ISK fits will explode for entertainment. It is, organizers note, the only part of EVE where losing spectacularly is the entire point.

Fenris Creations has scheduled no further major updates before October, though analysts warn that Pochven will probably shift again anyway.

Fenris Creations Patches Wallet Exploit, Accidentally Reveals Every Capsuleer in New Eden is Broke

JITA — Fenris Creations issued an emergency security update Thursday after a UI bug exposed every capsuleer’s wallet balance across New Eden. Sources inside the company confirm the patch was deployed within hours. The real shocker, analysts say, is what the data revealed: approximately 94 percent of self-described “null-sec power players” have fewer than fifty million ISK in liquid assets.

“I saw my own balance on someone else’s screen and I almost self-destructed my pod,” said Commander Yarvik Tol, a member of a prominent sov-holding alliance who spoke on condition his corp not be named. “Twelve years in this galaxy. Twelve years. My net worth is two Catalysts and a dream.”

The exploit, introduced in a recent patch, caused wallet readouts to display universally for several hours before FC engineers identified the issue. Industry observers note that Fenris Creations has spent the last eighteen months overhauling EVE’s underlying technical infrastructure. The result, according to the firm, is a more stable and performant cluster. The result, according to anyone who undocked this week, is a universe where your ISK is everyone else’s business.

“We acted swiftly to resolve the matter,” a Fenris Creations representative stated in a brief press release that notably did not include the phrase “we’re sorry.”

Ansiblex Changes Force Alliances to Rediscover Stargates Like Cavemen

The timing proved especially cruel for empire logistics officers, who are already bracing for the Cradle of War update set to land on September 22. Among the changes: a significant restructuring of jump bridge travel that alliance leadership has described as “inconvenient” and “actually just inconvenient.”

“My jump freighter pilot threatened to biomass,” said logistics director Selene Maru, whose coalition operates a network spanning thirty-seven systems. “I told him stargates still exist. He asked me what a stargate is. He’s been playing since 2019.”

Independent observers expect the Ansiblex changes to reduce force projection capabilities across null-sec by a meaningful margin. Veteran pilots expect it to reduce their will to live by a meaningful margin.

“Back in my day we walked uphill both ways through low-sec,” said retired fleet commander Gorath Venn. “These kids have had bridges for so long they think a gate camp is a social event.”

Fenris Creations confirmed the changes remain on schedule. Capsuleers with questions are encouraged to consult the official dev blog, their alliance’s designated rage-quit channel, or alcohol.