JITA — CONCORD officials announced a refreshed lineup of Skill Boost Bundles Thursday, simultaneously reminding capsuleers that skills can also be earned through the archaic practice known as “playing the game.”
The new bundles, available in the New Eden Store for PLEX, promise accelerated skill point acquisition for pilots who would rather swipe a credit card than wait twelve weeks to train Advanced Spaceship Command V.
“I bought the deluxe bundle and maxed out my entire skill tree in one afternoon,” said capsuleer Jeb_Rendor_47, who asked that we not judge his life choices. “Turns out I accidentally trained ‘Capsuleer Advanced Yoga.’ Completely useless in combat. Now my character can hold a Corpse Lotus pose for 47 minutes, but I still can’t fit a Tech II warp scrambler.”
CONCORD spokesperson Commander Yvette Vance held a brief press conference to address concerns that the bundles were undermining the game’s traditional progression systems.
“We want to emphasize that these are entirely optional,” Vance said, standing in front of a banner that read OPTIONAL in 800-point font. “Pilots can still earn skills the old-fashioned way: logging in, undocking, losing your ship, and waiting. The bundle simply offers a convenient alternative for those who value their time slightly more than their wallets.”
The press conference was sponsored by the Skill Boost Bundle Refresh Initiative, which Vance noted was “a completely separate organization that just happens to share our office building, coffee machine, and direct deposit routing number.”
Independent analysts estimate that over 340,000 bundles have been sold since launch, generating enough revenue to fund approximately 47 new Jita station monuments and one very nice farewell party for the game’s original lead designer.
“Look, I get it,” said veteran pilot Captain_Dakka, who has played EVE for fourteen years. “Some people have jobs. Families. Other games they’d like to try before the heat death of the universe. But there’s something sacred about watching that training bar slowly fill while you question every decision that led you to this exact moment. Buying your way past it feels like skipping the opening credits of a movie. The credits are the point.”
When asked if CONCORD planned similar monetization for other progression systems, Vance smiled, glanced at her notes, and declined to comment. Behind her, an intern was already seen wheeling a pallet labeled “CONCORD-Approved Standing Packages — Now Available!” into the adjacent conference room.
The Skill Boost Bundles are available now. A complementary “Regret and Contemplation” bundle, featuring a single Skill Extractor, is sold separately.
