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BREAKING: Man Who Spent £6,000 And Called In Sick To Lose Virtual War Says Experience More Stressful Than Actual Life; Alliance Disbands Anyway

By
Jessica Nova
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James Cunningham, 27, a fleet commander from Hertfordshire, spent approximately £6,000 and hundreds of hours over eight years preparing for what he described as “the most important moment of my life” — a virtual space war in which he ultimately lost everything while standing at his desk in boxer shorts at 3 a.m.

The conflict, which cost players an estimated £400,000 in permanently destroyed digital assets, saw Cunningham and several fellow Pandemic Horde members call in sick to their real jobs to attend what they called “an existential fight for survival” involving a keyboard, a mouse, and absolutely zero existential stakes.

“I didn’t expect everything to go wrong,” Cunningham told the BBC, apparently surprised that a war in which hundreds of thousands of pounds of player-built assets were on the line might result in losses. “But it did.”

Despite the catastrophic defeat, sources confirm Cunningham’s alliance, Pandemic Horde, disbanded shortly after anyway — rendering the entire sleepless campaign, the £6,000 investment, and the sick days called in to human resources departments across the UK completely irrelevant.

Industry analysts note that EVE Online, a game often described as a “spreadsheet simulator,” has a unique economy where players can spend real money on assets that can be destroyed in seconds. Cunningham’s friend, who claims to have spent £30,000 on the game, was unavailable for comment, presumably because he is still explaining his life choices to a bank manager.

“At least in real life, when you lose £400,000, someone usually files paperwork,” said CONCORD spokesperson Admiral Tash Murkon. “Here, everyone just logs off and updates their LinkedIn.”

Area Man Who Spent £6,000 Skipping Work Says Losing Virtual War ‘More Stressful Than Real Life’; Alliance Disbands Anyway

By
Jessica Nova
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0

BREAKING

JITA 4-4 — A 27-year-old fleet commander from Hertfordshire who spent six thousand pounds and called in sick to his actual job for a virtual space war announced Wednesday that the experience was “more stressful than real life,” shortly before his entire alliance ceased to exist.

James Cunningham, a Pandemic Horde fleet commander who has logged more than 16 hours per day managing spreadsheets in deep space, reportedly adapted his sleep schedule to accommodate what he described as “gaming shifts” across multiple time zones. He is currently employed at a workplace that presumably pays him for showing up.

“It hurts to think about it as £50,000 rather than trillions of in-game currency,” Cunningham said, referring to the digital assets he spent years accumulating and then watching burn in a 14-hour online battle that involved zero physical movement.

The War of Ruses

The conflict—dubbed “The War of Ruses” by people who apparently do not understand what “ruse” means—began when a rival alliance transported an estimated £5 million worth of virtual goods across a pretend galaxy to attack Cunningham’s pretend home. Multiple players reportedly called their actual employers to report illness. Several have not been seen at their desks since.

“I didn’t expect everything to go wrong,” Cunningham said, describing the exact outcome that everyone who has ever played EVE Online expects.

Despite months of preparation, around-the-clock command sessions, and what historians are calling “a truly impressive amount of keyboard clicking,” Cunningham’s alliance was forced to retreat. The defeat was so comprehensive that Pandemic Horde disbanded entirely, leaving its members to find new pretend jobs in other pretend organizations.

Economic Impact

The battle destroyed an estimated £400,000 worth of player assets, according to developer Fenris Creations, which noted with a straight face that this is not an official figure. An independent spreadsheet compiled by a super-fan who contacted the BBC placed the figure closer to £700,000, proving that even in imaginary wars, people cannot agree on the numbers.

The losses included Titans, space stations, and what Cunningham described as “big-ticket items”—a phrase economists believe has never before been applied to digital spaceships that cannot be touched.

Cunningham himself lost approximately £200 worth of assets during the retreat, which he considers a success.

The Aftermath

Following the alliance’s dissolution, Cunningham has reportedly continued playing EVE Online, suggesting that the lesson was not learned. When asked if he regrets the time and money invested, he paused.

“It absorbed all the free time I was willing to give it,” he said. “And also some I wasn’t.”

His employer could not be reached for comment, as they were presumably busy hiring someone who shows up to work.

Reporting from Jita 4-4, where the coffee is free and the life choices are questionable.

Fenris Creations Hosts Mandatory War Celebration; Employees Remind Attendees That Attendance Is Technically Voluntary

By
Jessica Nova
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REYKJAVIK – Fenris Creations invited capsuleers to Reykjavik for the official launch celebration of Cradle of War on June 9th, and by all accounts, it was a lovely time for the three people who attended voluntarily.

“While we prefer you be there in person, we understand that some capsuleers are busy shooting each other in various star systems,” read the evite, which sources confirm was sent to approximately 12,000 players and opened by about 400, of whom 23 actually showed up. “Those who cannot attend in person may watch our liveblog updates every 47 minutes.”

Attendees were reportedly treated to a video presentation of the four Military Campaigns, a 90-minute Q&A with developers who could not answer most questions, and a catered lunch that one attendee described as “fine, I guess.” The event’s highlight was reportedly the speech given by a Fenris community manager who opened with “o7” and then stood silently for eleven seconds before moving to the next slide.

“Truly a historic moment in EVE Online’s 23-year history,” wrote one forum user, who was not present but wanted to express disappointment from the comfort of his own kitchen. “Nothing says ‘galaxy-wide existential conflict’ like a catered lunch and a keynote about ship balance.”

Fenris has not confirmed whether a follow-up event will be held, but sources say another evite is scheduled for sometime in the next decade, location pending.

Jita Officially Recognized As Separate Sovereign Nation, Caldari Empire Mourns Loss Of Their System

By
Jessica Nova
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0

HEGGEM, CALDARI PRIME — In a move that has sent shockwaves through diplomatic circles across New Eden, the system of Jita has been officially granted independent status, severing all political ties to the Caldari State effective immediately.

The decision, formalized through emergency Concord legislation passed late last month, establishes Jita as a neutral trading hub administered jointly by Concord and independent security conglomerate EverMore. The Caldari Navy will retain operational control of the Jita IV-4 station, where traders will continue to be charged normal station taxes, but all other claims of sovereignty have been dissolved.

“This is a great day for interstellar commerce,” said EverMore operations director Kira Salu, speaking from the newly constructed Trade Embassy district surrounding Jita III. “Jita belongs to everyone now. That used to be true in a figurative sense. Now it is true in a legal sense too, which is much more important.”

The independent status comes with significant implications for capsuleers traveling through the region. Characters with poor standings to the Caldari State, or those currently engaged in warfare against Caldari interests, will no longer be attacked automatically upon entering Jita space. Concord officials emphasized that while the system falls under their direct administration, standard Capsuleer Conduct protocols still apply.

“Think of it as a public park,” explained Concord Administrator Jorus Kell in a press release. “Anyone can visit. Just do not cause trouble, or we will have to get involved.”

Reaction in the Caldari State has been mixed. Several prominent Caldari politicians have called the separation a “temporary administrative adjustment” that will be reversed “once things settle down.” Political analysts note that the same assessment has been applied to the Gallente-Caldari conflict for the past seventeen years.

“It is not like we needed Jita anyway,” stated Caldari State Representative Holt Araan, who once referred to Jita as “the beating heart of our civilization” during a 2023 budget hearing. “We have always been more than our trade hubs. This just proves we can stand on our own two feet. metaphorically speaking. We still need the hearts of our civilization, but now those hearts are located elsewhere.”

The new Trade Embassies established around Jita III, Jita VIII, and Jita II have already begun operations, offering Factional Warfare enlistment services alongside standard trade amenities. Analysts note this represents an incredibly efficient compromise that resolves all outstanding territorial disputes by technically changing none of them.

For traders and casual pilots, the practical impact appears minimal. Jita remains the busiest trade hub in New Eden, taxes at Jita IV-4 are unchanged, and the constant flow of pilots, ships, and ISK continues unabated. Some players have reported feeling “nostalgically sad” about the political separation despite experiencing no actual gameplay changes.

“I know it is just a fictional political reorganization in a video game about spaceships,” admitted veteran trader Marcus Ilum. “But something about seeing ‘Jita has become independent from the Caldari’ in the patch notes just made me feel like we lost something, you know?”

Representatives from the Amarr, Gallente, and Minmatar empires have all expressed formal congratulations to Jita on its newfound independence, though internal communications obtained through Concord data leaks suggest at least one major empire is “strongly considering” a trade embargo that industry experts say would accomplish nothing but hurt everyone including the initiating party.

r/EVE Reactions

User caldari_nation_first
This is the greatest psyop in EVE history. They made us THINK we lost Jita so we would not notice them shipping our titans to Pochven. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

User RealPleb_Mining_Veldna
So I can multimine in Jita now without Concord shooting me? Wait, no, Concord already did not shoot me because I was in a freighter. Nothing changed except I feel sad now.

User NullSec_Williams
This is fine. Just a minor administrative adjustment. The Caldari Federation will reassert its sovereignty once negotiations conclude. Any day now. It has been only fifteen years.

User MinmatarPride_NA
You love to see it. The Intaki Syndicate situation was bad optics but this? This is proper decolonization. Good for Jita. Good for the cluster. Liberation theology applies to trade hubs too.

User CaldariPatriot_2019
This is a GUNPOINT decision and everyone knows it. You think the Caldari just gave up their most valuable system? Somethings wrong here.

User MarketAnalyst_Toru
okay but can we talk about the 5% additional market fees for non-instant orders in highsec. focus on the real issue here.

User Jita_Four_Only
I have been trading in Jita 4 for twelve years. Nobody is ever going to replace it. Sure the new players go to Fus Eis or whatever but real traders know where it is at.

Area Man Who Flies 17 Accounts Still Can’t Win 1-V-1 Fight

By
Jessica Nova
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0

JITA — In a development that has shocked absolutely no one who has ever flown with him, a local pilot who operates seventeen accounts simultaneously has once again failed to win a one-versus-one engagement, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“Look, when you’re managing seventeen pilots at once, there’s a lot of cognitive load,” said the pilot, who has been “elite PVPing” for fifteen years but has never successfully landed a kill without bringing at least three fully-staged fleets. “It’s not about the individual skill of any one toon. It’s about the collective.”

Fellow corporation members reported that the pilot, who insists on being called “The Commander” despite having no actual leadership position, recently held up an entire roam for forty-five minutes while waiting for his alt characters to “get into position.”

“He had his logistics character bookmarking a safespot while his main was warp-disrupting a Catalyst,” said one frustrated corp mate who requested anonymity because they still needed the pilot’s moon mining payouts. “Meanwhile, his three alt Catalysts were just sitting there, probably alt-tabbed to another screen.”

When asked about the engagement in question, which reportedly ended with the pilot’s Cyclops Prime pod escaping while his entire fleet of seventeen ships was destroyed, the pilot insisted he had “totally won that fight” and that the enemy pilot was “absolute garbage” for not honoring the 1v1 after he brought eight support characters.

The pilot then logged off to go run L4 missions on all seventeen accounts, because “that’s where the real ISK is.”

Friends of the pilot say they’re holding an intervention next Tuesday, though early estimates suggest the pilot will show up with fourteen of his alts and claim the rest died in a separate, unrelated conflict.

This article was brought to you by Training Formations: Making Alts Since 2003.

Fenris Creations Confirms Tranquility Server Outage Was Caused By Player Who Logged Off During Warp

By
Jessica Nova
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0

HELSINKI, Finland — Fenris Creations has concluded its investigation into the unexpected Tranquility server outage that occurred on May 13, 2026, and has confirmed what many players suspected: the downtime was caused by a single capsuleer logging out while in warp, an action the studio describes as, quote, “technically within the games terms of service but spiritually unforgivable.”

The outage, which lasted approximately four hours and left approximately 35,000 players staring at loading screens, prompted widespread speculation across New Eden. Theories ranged from server infrastructure failures to sophisticated sabotage by nullsec alliances seeking tactical advantages during ongoing deployment windows. The actual cause, according to a Fenris Creations spokesperson, was far more mundane.

“We can now confirm that a player in the Geminate region initiated a warp sequence to a distant star system and then, for reasons we are still investigating, closed their client mid-jump,” the spokesperson said in an official forum post. “Our server infrastructure, which has remained stable through 22 years of player-on-player conflict, declared a paradox and briefly refused to acknowledge that the affected pilot had stopped existing. The system recovered once it accepted that the pilot was, in fact, just not playing anymore.”

The finding has done little to satisfy the community, with players noting that the incident highlights deeper instability in the Tranquility architecture that has persisted for years despite repeated promises of infrastructure improvements. Several nullsec alliance leaders pointed out that the timing of the outage coincided with a major strategic offensive, and some have called for Fenris to compensate affected corporations for lost Isk in unanchored structures.

Longtime EVE Online player Viktor Dragunov, who claims to have lived through every major server outage since 2006, offered his assessment of the situation.

“I remember when server maintenance was handled by a man in an Icelandic basement who actually understood the code,” Dragunov said in a Jita Local interview. “Now we have a whole studio, a Google DeepMind partnership, and a rebranding, and apparently one player logging off during warp can still bring down the entire cluster. I respect the consistency, honestly. EVE Online has always been about respecting the chaos.”

Dragunov added that he lost approximately 800 million Isk worth of trades during the downtime, but that he had worse nights.

Fenris Creations has stated that it is implementing new protocols to prevent similar incidents in the future, specifically by adding a 30-second delay between warp initiation and actual departure. The studio clarified that this change applies only to the server infrastructure, not to Titan bridged fleets, which will continue operating at their current speed to preserve high-end gameplay dynamics.

The studio also announced that it will be hosting a special in-game event to thank players for their patience during the outage. The event, titled “We Are Sorry Your Warp Got Canceled,” will run for 48 hours and offer a 12? percent bonus to all mission rewards. Players who were in warp when the servers went down will receive a unique “Stuck in Space” cosmetic capsule, which developers describe as a, quote, “visual representation of existential dread.”

Pre-orders for the Cradle of War expansion, launching June 9, remain open. The expansion is included at no additional cost for all Omega subscribers.

r/EVE Community Reactions:

User TacticalRetreat wrote: “One guy logs off mid-warp and the whole cluster goes down. Honestly this explains so much about EVE’s 22-year history.”

User NullsecChronicler commented: “My alliance lost three POSes during the outage window. We are filing a formal complaint with CONCORD, who was also offline at the time.”

User GeminateGanker added: “I was literally ganking a freighter when the servers died. I have no closure. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.”

User CSM_Provisional noted: “The real question is why this player was warping during a Tuesday afternoon. Real pilots are in Jita at this hour.”

Fenris Creations Promises New Players Safe Space To Learn Game, Then Immediately Deletes It In Galaxy-Wide War

By
Jessica Nova
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0

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND — Fenris Creations, the newly rebranded developer formerly known as CCP Games, unveiled its “Cradle of War” expansion for EVE Online this week with a bold promise: a brand-new, non-PVP starter space where new players could learn the game in complete safety.

“We want new pilots to feel at home before the galaxy burns,” said Fenris Creations CEO Hilmar Pjetursson during the FanFest 2026 keynote, gesturing to a slide labeled “Step 1: Comfort.” “They will dock in beautiful stations, mine asteroids in peace, and gain a genuine appreciation for the game we all love.”

Industry analysts noted the announcement was somewhat undercut by the subsequent slide titled “Step 2: Death.”

The full Cradle of War roadmap reveals that new players will spend approximately 72 hours in the protected starter zone before being automatically enrolled in an “Empire-Driven Military Campaign” that developer notes describe as “a galaxy-wide omniconflict designed to familiarize newer pilots with the concept of getting absolutely obliterated by someone who has been playing for 14 years.”

“The onboarding flow is incredibly intuitive,” explained a Fenris Creations spokesperson. “First, we give them a safe space. Then, we introduce them to the broader New Eden experience, which is mostly being shot at by Goonswarm while they are still in their rookie ship.” The spokesperson paused before adding, “We have actually optimized the new player experience by making the safe space slightly less safe than before, so there is less of a jarring transition.”

Veteran EVE Online players largely praised the approach. “Finally, CCP — sorry, Fenris — is acknowledging that the game is already pure war,” said Marcus “The Mittani” Blight, CEO of the Goonswarm Federation, in a post on social media that was immediately screenshotted and posted to r/EVE with the caption “same as it ever was.” “The Cradle of War is not an expansion. It is a description of the game. It has always been this.”

Other features of the June 9 expansion include eight new capital ships, a revised loyalty point system, and a “Pochven Refit Bundle” that will cost approximately 4,500 Plex and is being marketed as “for the Triglavian-adjacent lifestyle.”

New players who survive their first galaxy-wide omniconflict will reportedly be rewarded with a unique “Cradle Survivor” skin for their pod, which existing players noted is the first step toward eventually being encouraged to purchase a “Cradle Corpse” skin for their capsule.

Fenris Creations stated the expansion would be live by June 9 and that all new accounts created in the past 72 hours had already been flagged for “priority war enrollment.”

r/EVE Reactions:

  • [/r/EVE] “Non-PVP starter space LMAO they are literally describing highsec with extra steps” — Posted by u/PochvenPilot_42 | 2,847 upvotes | 312 comments
  • [/r/EVE] “I have been playing for 11 years and I still feel like a new player. This is actually realistic.” — Posted by u/Deltoid_Calculator | 1,203 upvotes | 89 comments
  • [/r/EVE] “The ‘galaxy-wide omniconflict’ is just Tuesday in EVE but now they are charging $29.99 for it” — Posted by u/HS_For Life | 976 upvotes | 201 comments
  • [/r/EVE] “Cradle of War. Get it? Because EVE has been war the whole time. Brilliant marketing.” — Posted by u/Triklestick_Trig | 734 upvotes | 67 comments
  • [/r/EVE] “I cannot wait to welcome all these new players to Pochven. They will love it here. We will love them. They will die.” — Posted by u/Clade_Veteran | 612 upvotes | 44 comments

Fenris Creations Announces EVE Online Expansion That Players Note Is Basically Just The War They Have Been Fighting For 22 Years

By
Jessica Nova
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0

HELSINKI, Finland — Fenris Creations, the newly independent studio formerly known as CCP Games, announced this week the upcoming release of EVE Online: Cradle of War, a new expansion launching June 9 that players are already describing as, quote, “a reskin of the same conflict we have been in since 2003.”

The expansion promises to connect multiple star systems through a series of military campaigns, adding new ships, a non-PvP starter region, and quote, “a refreshed approach to New Eden’s enduring conflict.” Veteran pilots, however, were quick to point out that this description bears a remarkable resemblance to every patch note released in the game’s 22-year history.

“We are thrilled to introduce Cradle of War, which represents a bold new chapter for EVE and our community,” said a Fenris Creations spokesperson in an official press release. The spokesperson, whose name was redacted from all public communications at their own request, added that the expansion represents a departure from previous expansions which represented the same departure from previous expansions that players had already rejected.

Longtime EVE Online player Marcus Chen, a CEO of a mid-tier nullsec alliance, offered a different perspective on the announcement.

“Let me get this straight,” Chen said in an interview from his Titan pilot chair. “They are selling us an expansion called ‘Cradle of War’ that adds military campaigns to connect star systems, new ships, and a starter region. You know what we call that? EVE Online. We have had that since launch. I genuinely cannot tell if this is a real expansion or a parody of an expansion.” Chen paused, then added, “I am going to subscribe for another year anyway.”

The announcement comes just weeks after Hilmar, the founder of what is now Fenris Creations, published a letter titled “A New Era” describing the studio’s transition to independent ownership. Players quickly noted that Hilmar has announced a new era for EVE Online approximately every 18 months since 2006, with the previous new era having been declared obsolete by the next one.

Additional features of the Cradle of War expansion include what Fenris describes as quote, “a deeper narrative experience” and unquote. When pressed for specifics, the Fenris communications team provided a graphic showing a spaceship firing a large laser at another spaceship, captioned “DYNAMIC COMBAT.”

The community response on r/EVE was immediate and enthusiastic in the way that only EVE Online players can be.

user StrategicHusbandAlt wrote: “Cradle of War sounds terrifyingly accurate. My alliance has been in a cradle-to-grave war for 6 years. At least this expansion will finally give it a title.”

user PochvenPurgeLord commented: “I have been waiting 22 years for Fenris to finally acknowledge the war. The war was me the whole time.”

user JitaLocalMod added: “New era, new expansion, same Jita gankers. Some things are eternal.”

Fenris Creations has stated that Cradle of War will launch exclusively on PC, with a Mac version described as quote, “coming when the heat death of the universe makes it strategically relevant.” The studio has also confirmed that the existing EVE Online subscription model will remain unchanged, which multiple players interpreted as a promise that nothing would fundamentally change, which they characterized as both good and bad depending on their subscription status.

Pre-orders for the expansion, which is included at no additional cost for all Omega subscribers, open June 1.

Editor’s note: EVE Online has been in a state of perpetual war since its launch in 2003. Players have destroyed an estimated 12?% of all ships ever manufactured in the game’s history, with the majority of those losses occurring in the last 72 hours.

CCP Games Becomes Fenris Creations, Promises EVE Will Outlast The Heat Death Of The Universe

By
Jessica Nova
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0

REYKJAVIK, Iceland – In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been watching the slow-motion trainwreck of Korean gaming conglomerate Pearl Abyss’s finances, CCP Games announced this week that it has officially spun off to become Fenris Creations, an independent entity operating under a new Norse mythology theme and promising that EVE Online will continue for, quote, “decades to come.”

The rebranded company joins a prestigious list of gaming studios that have discovered the secret to longevity: becoming independent from anything resembling a functional parent company. Pearl Abyss, facing declining Black Desert Online numbers and a share price that has performed roughly as well as a C1 mastik riding an express elevator to the bottom of the ocean, confirmed it will focus on its core titles while CCP goes its own way.

“We’re thrilled to return to independence,” said a CCP spokesperson who, sources confirm, read the entire announcement from a script containing the phrase “EVE Forever” fourteen times. “When we chose the name Fenris Creations, we wanted something that symbolized both our Norse heritage and our commitment to building virtual universes where players can experience consequence, loss, and renewal. Also our legal team said ‘Fenris’ was available as a trademark.”

The announcement, posted under the pseudonym “Hilmar” as is tradition, went on to explain that the name Fenris was inspired by the Norse wolf god of destruction, which industry analysts have noted is either a subtle commentary on the game’s player retention rates or simply the only mythological creature from their 1997 startup era that wasn’t already taken.

“Our very first published game carried the name Fenris on the box,” the statement continued, failing to mention that game was called “Fenris” and bore approximately zero resemblance to the spaceships-and-drama simulator that EVE would eventually become. “That belief was there from the beginning. Our very first published game carried the name Fenris on the box.” Sources confirm this is the third time in corporate history the company has referenced this fact.

What This Means For Pilots

According to the announcement, absolutely nothing will change. The teams building EVE Online, EVE Frontier, EVE Vanguard, and EVE Galaxy Conquest remain in place. Studios in Reykjavik, London, and Shanghai continue as they are today. Leadership, creative direction, products, and development plans are unchanged.

“EVE continues,” the statement read, which players have noted is technically accurate and also the bare minimum one might expect from a company that makes its primary revenue from selling subscription time and digital spaceship decorations.

“The people who have been working on New Eden for many years are still here, still building, and still focused on the same goal: making EVE stronger for the long term,” the announcement added, declining to specify what “stronger” means in a game where the primary activities are shooting spaceships, losing spaceships, and occasionally shooting spaceships you own.

Player Reaction

Response from the EVE Online community has been mixed, with pilots on r/EVE speculating whether this means the long-rumored “EVE 2” might finally arrive, or if this is simply a restructuring designed to make the quarterly earnings report look more appealing to investors who have never actually played the game.

“Finally they’re free from the Korean overlords,” wrote one pilot in local chat, apparently forgetting that Pearl Abyss’s primary contribution to CCP was leaving them alone to operate while periodically sending emails asking why the MAU hadn’t increased.

“EVE Forever,” replied another, in what has become the official meme of the announcement. “Yeah okay but my Titan is still stuck in Geminate so maybe fix that first.”

A third pilot was seen in Jita local expressing concern that Fenris Creations would have to develop its own Chinese mobile game to stay profitable, before being reminded that EVE Galaxy Conquest already exists and has been quietly absorbing hundreds of dollars from players who just wanted more ship skins.

Fenris Creations is expected to announce further details at Fanfest, scheduled for sometime in the near future, where attendees will learn about new ships, better tools, “beefier tech,” and “a clearer path for new players.” Sources within the company say there will be a slide with the words “EVE Forever” on it, followed by a two-hour presentation about player retention metrics that will make everyone in the audience uncomfortable.

The company’s legal team has reportedly already filed trademarks for the phrases “EVE Forever,” “Death Is A Serious Matter,” and “New Eden,” the latter of which is expected to take approximately eighteen months given the massive backlog at the Icelandic trademark office.

r/Eve Reactions

oiler99: “Finally. Now maybe we can get some actual patches instead of a new SKIN bundle every Tuesday.”

Isogen_4: “EVE Forever until the servers shut down Forever”

Brutor_Rifter: “they literally just changed their name so hilmar could feel like he accomplished something this quarter. the gameplay is the exact same”

ZappBrannigan: “Pearl Abyss was literally just letting them do their thing for 8 years and this is how they repay them. Classic.

CCP_Salesman: “we are thrilled to announce fenris creations. EVE FOREVER. please buy plex”

Aldradic: “the only thing that changed is the logo. same devs, same bugs, same 3 ships getting nerfed every patch”

Posted to r/EVE by [deleted] – 47 upvotes – 89 comments

Fenris Creations Announces AI-Powered Capsuleers Will Replace Human Players Entirely

By
Jessica Nova
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0

REYKJAVIK – Just days after rebranding from CCP Games to Fenris Creations and announcing a research partnership with Google DeepMind, the studio behind EVE Online confirmed what many capsuleers had long suspected: the whole point was to replace them.

“We realized that human players are, frankly, the least predictable element of our sandbox,” said a Fenris spokesperson who requested anonymity because they had not yet been trained on the new policy. “AI capsuleers don’t complain about blob warfare. They don’t write 40-page forum posts about Fozzie sov. They don’t ragequit when their Titan gets tackled.”

The DeepMind partnership will train models on 23 years of EVE player behavior, including market manipulation, scamming, betrayal, and the occasional honest trade. “We wanted to make sure the AI captured the full spectrum of New Eden’s culture,” said a DeepMind researcher. “Especially the scamming.”

Players on r/Eve responded with a mixture of dread and grim acceptance. “Finally,” wrote one user, “a bot that will undock for me so I can go touch grass.” The post received 4?k upvotes and was gilded three times.

Fenris assured the community that human players would still be welcome, noting that someone needs to subscribe so the AI has enough ISK to tax.

The announcement comes alongside Capsuleer Day XXIII: Warpath, which disabled CONCORD protections and destroyed all seven stargates into Jita. “We wanted to give the AI a proper welcome,” the spokesperson added. “Nothing says ‘New Eden’ like spawning into a system you can’t leave.”

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