H.S.—A study performed by the Amarr Research Institute found a strong link between happiness and not knowing who The Mittani is.
“We found that players who do not know who The Mittani is or why there is a controversy around him are up to 850% happier than those who know anything about the person at all,” reads the study. “It seems there is a very strong correlation and possible causation here. Players who don’t know about him enjoy Eve Online much more and have a really optimistic disposition about other players.”
The study also found that players who don’t know who The Mittani is are more likely to be on comms, playing in wormholes, whistling in pure blissful ignorance, enjoying their family, corporation, and friends — while those who do know who The Mittani is are much more likely to currently be on Reddit and staring into the abyss.
“For your own mental health, we can’t recommend not knowing anything about The Mittani any more emphatically,” said head researcher Dr. Riyn Arturlo. “Seriously — it does wonders for your wellbeing.”
“BUT BEWARE! THOSE WHO KNOW WHO THE MITTANI IS, ARE LIKELY TO GO THE WAY OF MADNESS!”
At publishing time, you had googled “who is The Mittani” after reading this article and are now much less happy with your life.
