On 11 January 2020, a Rorqual interrupted an Eve University class taking place in the Kalevala Expanse, shouting obscenities in local chat before setting itself ablaze in protest. Students immediately ran to the Rorqual’s aid, attempting to use any kinetic, explosive, electromagnetic, or thermal devices they could find to extinguish the blaze and save the poor whale. Unfortunately, the Rorqual perished at the scene before emergency responders could even arrive. The flames from the Rorqual’s self immolation hit an internal fuel tank, causing a massive explosion and scattering remains all over the ore belt. This marks the fourth such occurrence since the new year began. “She didn’t even appear to panic, it was insane!” explained one of the students present, “she just sat there and burned.” Eve University now faces calls from terrified parents requesting that they suspend teaching all Advanced Artwork courses immediately.
Per sources familiar with the event, the class began “normal” with no apparent issues. “We did what we always do,” claimed the source, “we entered a wormhole with a Null security static, then popped out in the middle of majestic space.” He described how the students staged on a blackops class battleship, while their scout found the perfect subjects for them to photograph. They moved about several times, finally landing in an ore belt to snap a few shots of the purple sunlight reflecting off large rocks of ore. It was the perfect lighting, a wonderful angle…and that’s when the Rorqual appeared. “Who would’ve thought an advanced photography class would end like that?”
The classes have an average of forty to fifty pilots, with the only prerequisite being training to use a covert cloaking device. This apparently allows for optimal positioning and ensures that student ship models are not in the way of the pictures they take. When asked why they use a wormhole, students responded “It helps get us out deep into the void, man.” These students explained that they occasionally spend hours rolling the connection before finding the perfect spot for some photos. While it can take a lot of time, the majority agree the dedication is worth it. However, for the last several weeks, things have not gone as wonderfully as hoped.
Some of the newer students reportedly felt violent shaking in their limbs for several minutes during and after these events. A few freshman students even admitted to getting “the shakes” just thinking about the memory of exploding Rorquals. Not everyone seems to have been so affected however. When questioned, one senior student said “Naw, I didn’t get no shakes this time. I’ve seen it before, you know? I just wish these protestors would give it a rest and let me take some good screen shots of space once in awhile.”
In a public address, the University has announced that it will immediately suspend all art classes pending an investigation. Eve University also announced the immediate suspension (with pay) for several as-of-yet unnamed guest lecturers while the investigation takes place. Trusted sources within the University have confirmed that Bomber’s Bar part-time professors were lecturing the classes just before every protest began, however no link to the professors and the actions of the protestors has yet been found. The University has requested that all future inquiries into this and related events be directed to their Pilot Relations office.
Any students present during these events are offered trauma counseling with local Therapists through Eve Universities’ student mental health program.
