Late today, Icelandic Transport Authority denied entry to all Eve Online nerds for the year of 2020, claiming that an outbreak of the beer contagion known as “Corona Virus” has destroyed the country’s supply. The ban is causing sweeping cancelations of planned events, and has forced many bars and hotels to reduce staffing needs for the season. In a public address, a sobered CCP Hilmar said the following:
“Our preparations in the Reykjavik, Iceland area have failed to gain a satisfactory foothold and I have cancelled Fanfest. My decision to host at this time and place was based on the best information available. You nerds, traveling by land and sea, did all that bravery and devotion to duty could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone.”
When questioned about the decision, high ranking officials within the Icelandic government were concise in justifying the travel ban, stating plainly that the country “did not have enough beer this year”. It was suggested that those who wish to travel to Iceland in the future pre-purchase their meal and drink so that local establishments could ensure a proper supply prior to their arrival. “We cannot allow Eve Fanfest to occur. It would get very bloody” said Iceland’s Minister of Tourism, Þórdís Kolbrún Reykfjörð Gylfadóttir, “The Corona Virus has afflicted our stock of libations heavily. We have run out of beer a lot in the last few years and it always comes down to rival Eve Online alliances attempting to out drink each other.” She continued, “This year would be so much worse! If we let hundreds of Eve Nerds into the country for the weekend, we wouldn’t have enough beer to drink for the dozens of other tourists visiting at the same time! There would be PvP in the streets.”
Local politician and beloved mayor of Reykjavik, Dagur Bergþóruson Eggertsson, viewed this as a very positive step for the country. “We are moving in the right direction” he said, when hearing the news. “Our city is more walkable, quieter, and all around enjoyable now. How could we let a bunch of online nerds come here and wander our fine city in a drunken sleepless haze looking for more beer that doesn’t exist? Real tourists adjust to jet lag! These punks just don’t sleep for four days and puke everywhere. It’s disgusting.”
Local establishments that are commonly visited by Eve Nerds are feeling the pinch in budget that this will cause, and plan to protest next Saturday. The list of establishments so far includes Valdis Ice Cream, The Russian Orthodox Church, Flatey Pizza, that little red Fish And Chips trolley, and the Phallological Museum. These locations have reported between 42% and 69% of their annual earnings during Fanfest, and strongly encourage the Transport Authority to rethink their ban. “We can just serve them vodka, when we run out of beer” said the owner of Flatey’s. “Well I mean…not us but like, other places, you know?”
After the shortage the Americans confirm its all good EVE Vegas will go forward. Stock pile of alcohol is reaching record levels. Ten tractor trailer have been arranged to move the stock pile in week prior to the event. Goonswarm diplomatic personal have reportedly arranged for an additional semi trailer to transport the Mittani, officer and fleet commanders ration so as not to interfere with the normal conditions of Eve Vegas.
There are some rumors, that suggest another more sinister distribution of beer… One of those says, that another Icelandic company celebrated some sort of launch and Iceland’s commercial harbors are not equipped to handle vessels needed to bring huge amounts of alcoholic products, among other goodies.. Others inforrm of shipment, that was supposed to deliver on Fanfest, is noted to deliver to the Opening Ceremonies of a certain well-known company HQ. All comments to say otherwise are rebuffed… All CCP Devs or other personnel will hang up, as soon as question is asked.
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