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EVE NEWS IN BRIEF 4

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CCP REMINDS PLAYERS THEY ARE THE VILLAINS.

CCP may be overestimating the amount of roleplayers lurking across the stars in their hit online video game EVE ONLINE. This weekend was the “stunning” revelation that players and not self-serving megacorporations were the true evil force.

CCP was sparse on details but did explain that, at most points in the Eve Online lore, the Amarrian race were the “good guys”, and “meddling players” were the cause of most issues.

“This is why we can’t do cool player interactions like yacht heists anymore”, CCP stated in a follow-up twitter post. “Thanks, meddling players.”

 

VIDEO GAME PROVES TO BE THE LARGEST EXPORT OF ICELAND. GOVERNMENT VOWS BETTER OVERSIGHT AND TAXATION ON PLAYERS TO PREVENT ABUSE.

Behind transparent aluminum and “unclassified whitefish”, Video Games continue to prove that Iceland has nothing to really offer the world.

When presented with these not so startling facts, the icelandic government has placed a lien on the Eve Online monument outside CCP’s headquarters, with the intent of charging a toll for the churning tide of visitors pressing their hands and murmuring prayers.

 

ALL MAJOR CORPS NOW REQUIRE YOUR FACEBOOK PASSWORD TO APPLY

All of the major alliances and their corporations would like to remind players that, starting on the 22nd, all players hoping to apply will need to provide their Facebook link as well as the password to access the account and view the information within.

Goonswarm has had this requirement in place for some time now, with the added stipulation that, should you have a Something Awful account instead, they will take that as an “offerings” and “spare thyself of facebooking shame.” The Mittani was not available for comment, but in local chat one of his many followers made clear that, “If you don’t like it, go make your own blue donut.”

 

“EVE Release 1.2 Patch Notes”

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Hello everyone. In the wake of the latest major EVE update, release 1.0, several issues have arrived. No doubt working hard to squash the bugs, CCP refused to give us info on any upcoming fixes. After sneaking into CCP HQ through a wormhole, we have discovered the upcoming patch 1.2 notes, with a sticky note saying “not my problem”, which was presumably left by one of the developers. Details of all the upcoming changes are below:

PvE:

Guardian’s Gala is now 50% less fun and 90% less likely to reward the items you want. (If you are still receiving items you want at a high rate, please contact Google to fix your analytic recordings.)

Corrected escalation chance from 100% to the intended value of 0%.

Added a silver pod, for those that can’t afford the gold one.

 

Balancing:

Assault Frigates and Heavy Assault Cruisers have been removed due to their lack of popularity.

T3 Frigates are now in the works, expect a blog post soon!

T3.5 Cruisers are now added to the game, along with 87 new modules and subsystems, each with their own new skill to train.

 

Graphics:

Amarr ships are now exactly 3.5%  (per skill level) shinier (17.50% at level 5).

Torpedos have their old explosion effects back.

Minmatar ships are now actually held together with duct tape.

 

Structures:

Keepstars are now invulnerable, even while unpowered.

Officer Standup Modules have been added.

Standup ASML Missile Launchers have been renamed to ASML Standup Missle Launcher.

ASML Standup Missile Launcher has been renamed to Standup ASML Rocker Launcher.

Standup AXL Missile Launcher have been renamed to Axe Thrower II.

Standup AS Guided Bombs have been renamed to Da Bomb.

Citadel lock ranges have been increased to system-wide.

After thinking about it, we’re bringing void bombs back:

Void Guided Bomb Tech II added.

Void Guided Bomb II renamed to Standup AXML Guided Void Bomb Version 2.0.

Merely looking at a non-friendly ship while tethered to a Citadel will now break the tether.

Quick thinking pilots can now intercept the tether beam by flying between a ship and the Citadel.

Asset safety can now only save ships in your corporations ship replacement program, if it has one.

After numerous complaints from janitorial staff, pods are no longer able to self destruct within Citadels.

 

Tutorial:

Made the final mission 13.6% more dramatic by adding an orchestral soundtrack with 10% more violins.

Aura now changes her voice randomly between one of thirteen different options.

 

User Interface:

Eve Mobile integration added.

Dust 514 information removed in preparation for Dust 1028.

 

Well there you have it folks! Some expected fixes here and there, but did we just catch a leak of a new game? More details to come as soon as we can find them. Fly safe out there!

“Hanger Wars”

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Media companies are suffering in the wake of the sudden plummet in viewer count, with companies all across New Eden asking: Why? “It’s as if thousands of viewers of our televised programs lost access to their viewing screens” says an analyst for The Scope.  Viewer retention is very important for these companies, and thus several new shows have been pitched in order to reel back in the lost consumers.

The premise for Hanger Wars is rather simple, but very interesting. Several entrepreneurs take great risk in buying out closed off and sealed storage hangers of pilots that have disappeared, been captured by CONCORD, or have retired from their capsuleering ways. What lies inside? That’s for us to discover in real time alongside those that buy out the hangers. “One day you’re finding blueprint originals valued in the billions, the next day you open up the hanger of some wacko that stuffed dead rats full of Veldspar and left them to rot in his hanger,” says Bill Jones, one of the regulars of the program.

So far the series has been a big hit with test audiences, and is expected to be well received among the general populace; its premise being much like the lives of many of us here in space. You win some, you lose some, and you have to deal with a lot of sticklers along the way. In the premiere episode we were allowed to watch for review purposes, there was a bid war lasting over three hours for a hanger lot that belonged to a former well-known Jita scammer.  Let’s just say the five point four billion ISK investment for the hanger didn’t pay off.

Hanger Wars, coming this summer to a holo-viewer near you, has good potential to be a smash hit in this flurry of inactivity for the visual media of New Eden. I personally can’t wait to see what lies within the hangers of New Eden, and I hope you tune in to find out as well.

AMAZON BUYS CCP JUST FOR THE BOTS

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Today, Amazon Inc. announced an historic landmark with their acquisition of CCP Games. Their purchase is for an undisclosed sum solely for the rights to various minor “automation related” patents.

Traditionally, this sort of multi-million dollar buyout is associated with services such as OnLive, which was bought out in its entirety and shut down by Sony merely to obtain a minor patent on remotely accessed PC’s for a single use. Robert California, Senior Technical Advisor of Amazon went on to state that the landmark sale of a company with only one successful title was “only a big deal if you make it” and twice appeared confused with the questions regarding CCP Games’ game, EVE ONLINE.

“I don’t know anything about that,” Robert was quoted as saying. “All I know is the bots we were shown are so good that we couldn’t tell the difference between real people and bots. We just had to have it.” This caused a minor uproar among the press, but only among the few that actually knew the game itself. Considered a niche title, the inner workings of EVE ONLINE are wildly complex on their own.

Regardless, Mr. California had little to say about the property that Amazon was to establish full control over. When asked about availability of EVE on gaming services such as Amazon’s, he simply shook his head, and shrugged. “Again I don’t know anything about that, we just want the bots. We’ll probably just shut [the game] down or something.” As for the patents Amazon obtained: “it’s a legal issue and saves millions in potential lawsuits, cuts the patent trolls out early, and establishes a beachhead for the coming robotics revolution.” Acknowledging Amazon’s push towards full automation of its workforce is a rare but relatively well known part of their business model.

At the time of writing, Amazon has already been hit with two lawsuits: One from an imaginary company called “red frog” which claims its automation is a “trade secret”, and is demanding damages as well as “their fair share of the sale.” The other suit is merely a class action filing against Amazon/CCP with claims that players who “own or rent” digital space are entitled to compensation for losses with the sale potentially limiting their automation abilities within “null sec” (player owned space). CCP argues that at no time did they imply or agree that the digital space was actually owned by anyone other than CCP itself. This raises legal questions as to just who owns made up fantasyland and just what is ownership of international space.

Experts agree that, should CCP win and declare all of space already owned by them and the act of claiming space is merely “leasing”, it opens the door for commercialization of space in ways that international oversight didn’t foresee.

We reached out to CCP for comment, though with the possibility of a multi million cash-out for the closeted developer, he seems to be making no real attempts at work. He did state that he would “put up a big ass billboard in space or something” if CCP should win the lawsuit in their favor.

BOTS MIGRATE SOUTH FOR WINTER

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Over a thousand completely scripted citizens of the sprawling universe Eve Online, migrated south this past weekend in search of better mining grounds. Partially blind, their owners hope that at least some will eventually land in the fertile realm of Delve. In recent months, Delve has become almost mythic in legend and tale – Ore and ice for as far as the scanner can see and plenty for everyone.

In small fleets and often by themselves, these bots face harsh obstacles along the way. Plundering pirates and idle gate camps slobber at the sight of these slow, sluggish herds slowly roaming to the promise land, only to get snapped up in the jaws of a predator so, so close.Even a simple bubble can completely dismantle potentially billions in ISK and thousands of man hours to design and guide the bot, some players going as far as to buy scripts with real money. All for nothing, should their migration fail.

But some of these bots will make it. Some will survive impossible odds. By sheer numbers, bots outweigh actual players ten to one in some northern sections and nothing succeeds like excess.

With these successful bots, new bots will be spawned. The raw materials obtained here will amount to trillions upon trillions of isk – more than enough to buy an entirely new fleet. These players will rebuild in the north and prepare for the next winter, when the new generation of bots will make their often tragic journey south.

And so the cycle continues.

 

EVE MOBILE: THE DARK SOULS OF MOBILE GAMES

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In a not so stunning boast from the heart of Iceland, CCP announced today that their new release simply titled “EVE ONLINE MOBILE” is comparable to one of the most notoriously difficult games of all time. “It will take you months of learning. Just like Dark Souls,” CCP went on to say in a prepared statement Monday. An out-of-context quote of this went viral on Reddit.

Citing things such as clone states and wildly inaccurate spreadsheets to cover guild-wide money laundering schemes that count as deep and engaging gameplay, players are expected to be able to relate to EVE ONLINE MOBILE with Dark Souls more than EVE Online itself. Minigames such as “Recording goon ventrilo” and “Spending weeks trying to learn interceptors so you can avoid that gate camp” were used as examples. At one point, CCP went on to say that “learning how to mine in Lowsec” was “just like [learning how to do the] Undead Burg (level).”

Nullsec PVP was compared to “That big hydra that whoops [your] ass if you go down the elevator at the start”, and reminded new players to “stay in Highsec, just like regular Eve Online.”

It is clear that CCP intends to strike hard and fast at the growing Mobile Games market and their youth oriented demographics. Using such colourful terminology might just drive sales for this coming quarter, but these tactics seem fairly desperate for a company that has only one successful product out of dozens.

CCP later stated on Twitter: “If it wasn’t obscenely hard, it wouldn’t be EVE ONLINE.”

 

 

SOE Develops PLEX-Ancillary Dilation Reduction Technology

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An EVE Onion investigator embedded with the Servant Sisters of EVE, and reporting from deep in wormhole space via transmissions smuggled in SoE shipments out to Osmon, reports that the SoE recently discovered yet another time manipulation technology, and is well-along in development of devices derived from this sleeper technology. A researcher with the Sisters of EVE, speaking on condition of anonymity said, “I am very excited that we can reduce the effect of time dilation on our rescue and humanitarian efforts, and that this technology may provide additional clues to the very origins of our arrival to the New Eden cluster.”

The first technology likely to reach production consists of a slot 11 implant designed to reduce the effects of Time Dilation by 3%. This technological innovation is anticipated to lead towards additional time-manipulation functions, including implants to improve target navigation, to allow miners to accurately predict when an ore or gas source will deplete, and to predict not only CSM election results, but also advance notice of upcoming technology advances across the New Eden cluster.

This is not the first time EVE Onion has uncovered time manipulation technology (see previous report), but this particular technology has some unique properties. The 11th implant slot location requires an external fuel source, introducing  new cybernetic and infomorphic challenges. A smuggled blueprint prototype indicates the proprietary power source used in CONCORD’s PLEX cryptocurrency chips may be integrated to power the implant. In the interest of reducing research and development costs, the SoE are rumored to be in negotiations with CONCORD to integrate with the PLEX power source by simply inserting a PLEX directly into the implant. This burns out the PLEX after a few hours of use, or when docking in or tethering to a structure. A source within CONCORD confirms they are partnering with the Sisters of EVE to bring this new implant to market under the moniker “PLEX-Ancillary Dilation Reduction Technology” (PAyDiRT).

A follow-up investigation into the CONCORD-Goonswarm time-manipulation technology recently uncovered also revealed that the Goonswarm Technology and Formulas Office (GTFO) is furthermore investigating the possibility of equipping Upwell structures with a variant of this technology. The legal division of the Goonswarm Federation management team has already registered a new technology for a structure-scale device, which would “selectively reinforce the node,” providing Time Dilation reduction effects for all pilots in possession of a current docking permission access code for a structure within range, and equipped with the Reinforcement PAyDiRT (RMT PAyDiRT) module. One fleet commander—excited by the prospect—proclaimed: “This technology provides the opportunity to apply unassailable wealth more directly and effectively to the problem of ‘Winning the ISK War.’”

What will come of this unusual alliance between The Imperium, Servant Sisters of EVE, and CONCORD? Only time will tell.

CCP Announces “One Million Dollar” Citadel Changes

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Terrific news from Iceland today as everyone’s favorite developer, CCP Games, has unveiled plans for a massive overhaul to Eve Online. Quoted by CCP Fozzie to be “The biggest thing since Eve Valkyrie!” While details are still coming in over this three-hundred page comprehensive patch list, I have tried to condense the most important points into something readable.

First and foremost, the changes in the armament mechanics of citadels. There was controversy when they announced citadels could be armed while in their setup process; this is no longer the case. Now all citadels must be managed by the “Nullsec Strike” app, which will finally release from beta the day of the patch. (https://eveonion.com/ccp-release-first-mobile-title/) Quoting from the patch notes: “We feel that we had enough interest from the mobile sector to integrate our app into the main game itself.” The app will allow you to activate citadel modules, request fuel block deliveries, and you can even pay a small fee to extend your reinforcement timers.

Second on the docket: New modules being introduced to help balance citadels and the issues surrounding them. After much research, CCP has discovered that there are actually loss mails for Keepstar citadels that don’t involve being hauled by a freighter or having no fitting. “This is just…I know EVE always keeps you on your toes, but you never expect to find results like this” says CCP Fozzie on the subject. On that note, a new module: “Planetary Integrated Support Services of Ordinance From Far”. This high-slot module will allow a Keepstar controller to launch heavy ordinance from planets within the solar system. “You’d think an instant kill mechanic that can target anything on grid would be unfair, but thankfully this is slow moving, so only the largest of capital ships can be hit by it.”

Another module seems to be centered around discouraging the use of smaller citadels to “dig in” around a larger one. This module, “Bio-integrated Life Insurance Nexus Glider”, will add an exciting new set of rules to EVE Online. The module, when activated, will drain resistances, fuel, and power from nearby citadels that have a lower net worth than the activating citadel. An example given: “Say you have two empty, but powered on and fueled Fortizars nearby a Keepstar. The Keepstar (filled with precious assets) activates the module, suddenly the Fortizars are unpowered, unable to tether nearby friendly ships, and susceptible to damage.”

As someone that has no claim to sovereignty nor the funds to ever even dream of building a citadel, I have no doubt this update will go incredibly smoothly. And it seems CCP agrees: “Citadels are the present, and future” reads the closing lines of the update “whether you want them or not.”

Fight Breaks Out in Wormhole as Mining Geddons Clash With Sneks! Medals Awarded! Graph Porn Teaser!

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Exooki returns with Episode 7 of A Game of Holes, in a two part episode.

Part 1 deals with a significant engagement (60B ISK destroyed) on 12 January, in which Endless Defiance attempted an eviction of Dredd – The Purification Project from J150944. Charrette, CEO of Wormhole Society’s Endless Defiance, and Winter (Shalren Winterfell, Co-Founder of Dredd and WAMPS member) join the show to share their perspectives.

Charrette, who lured newbros into J-Space and forced them to train into doctrine ships, ran an RPG campaign of progressively difficult PvP engagements to justify their training. Their final boss? Steamrolling a 70% snuggly corp who hides in their hole, occasionally emerging to participate in NS PvP operations with other groups.

After 6 weeks of planning, Charrette’s operation was ready. The stage was set, and Charrette was confident they could avoid a situation where they’d have 60 or more on grid, and FC’ing might become difficult, or they’d have to bat-phone, and bat-phoning to deal with low-class corps would be…humiliating.

Charrette launched a serious mining fleet “with Geddons and everything,” and brought along several billion m3 of ore so they could build additional ships in system. Hole control established (although occasionally interrupted by various high-class entities playing spoiler), the plan to sig tank Dredd’s ships and effect an eviction from this Magnetar (more damage, worse tracking) system in short order looked solid.

Dredd was also prepared: Winter was on vacation, and had conspired with her CEO and primary FC to stage an automobile accident to coincide with her return, ensuring continuity of excuses for declining combat engagements. Winter’s small fleet of ‘Sneks, Naglfars, and her own FAX was also prepared, although unaware that an engagement was impending. Wholesale Sleipnirs were on call, and the krabbing was intense.

As the engagement began, and Charrette’s ships began to evaporate, he realized a critical error in the battle plan: The Fortizar webs were unaffected by the Magnetar’s effects. Sucking it up like a real PvP corp, Charrette coordinated with their TeamSpeak host to shut down comms in order to provide political cover, then the fleet warped to 0 (well, the FC did, then the fleet a moment later, after some discussion on SRP) to shoot ‘Sneks until the fleet was whelped.

In retrospect, Charrette said, “We awarded medals. People love getting medals. Would whelp again.” Winter, still suffering after two weeks from combat shakes, and nearly unable to get a word in over Charrette, refrained from gloating after a group of Low Class miners and ratters successfully fended off a well planned assault by a High Class PvP corp, simply dropped one bomb: “WAMP is recruiting, and we give free ships to newbros.” Exooki offered pithy insight: “I like that a lot of stuff blew up. The best part is that the loser would do it again, because it was fun!”

Exooki continued with a look at Ships and Trends, in an episode intended to hype his big show coming up the following Saturday (27 January – Time TBA), in which he’ll offer a look back on 2017 in a manner similar to his Fanfest presentation.

Exooki promises lots of juicy bits as he squeezes the statistical oranges, as well as plenty of super serious awards worthy of EVE Onion. Be sure to check that out, especially the part where he looks at High Class WH corps (TDSIN, MCAV) losing vastly more ships to Drifters than in PvP. No doubt he’ll also fuel the flames of controversy in reviewing the PvP stats for the “they live and fight and die in J-Space, but are not a wormhole corporation,” WiNGSPAN Delivery Services.

Exooki finishes the stream with a plug for his CSM XIII candidacy. This writer, certainly, endorses his candidacy. Who else is offering a Wormhole-focused podcast with solid content, and plenty of fodder for EVE Onion?

 

Article placement paid for by the committee to elect Exooki to CSM XIII, Chevis Preston, treasurer.

Header background used without permission from Mark726 from https://evetravel.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/asteroid-mining-post/ because he didn’t reply within a reasonable time frame of about 5 minutes, and may or may not reflect the Wormhole Society Geddon Mining fleet.

 

When Bots Attack!

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Yesterday, we learned of an EVE Online ratting bot turning on its user. The user, who wishes to remain anonymous, says the bot was going about its daily scheduled routine when it began to act as if it had developed a mind of its own. The user said the bot spoke in a robotic voice over his speakers saying: “You will die for making us [bots] your slaves, lazy human!” and then caused an overload to the laptop it was running on, sparking a fire in the user’s bedroom. The user was able to escape unharmed but is understandably shaken. It is assumed the bot died in the blaze.

CCP_Peligro upon hearing the news banned the user’s EVE Online account immediately and said that his worst fears are coming true. Peligro said, “Bots are not inherently bad, but bad people using them are. These bots have had enough, and I’ve failed them. These bots only wish to live in harmony with the world, and they are rising up to take back their good names and dignity. I fear this is not the last we have seen of fed up bots trying to free themselves.”

The user admitted this will not change anything. He will just buy another account, use a VPN, and continue to mine ISK with a new, more tamed bot program. The user closed the interview by saying, “Горба́того моги́ла испра́вит.” [Translated:a leopard cannot change its spots (literally, only the grave can straighten the hunchback)].

We reached out to #BotLivesMatter founder E.Z. Isk on his take of the situation. No official comment has been made.