Last week, President Trump increased tensions with China right within EVE Online. All USTZ corps have been ordered to cease any and all trade with Fraternity, effective immediately. We have more details included below directly from the transcript of the press conference:
Trump: “It has come to my attention that our space program is being challenged by a fraternity of space-going Chinese. I just about dropped my covfeffe when I heard of this. Therefore, effective immediately, any and all trade with this space fraternity or brotherhood or whatever they are is ordered ceased.”
Press: “What connection does this ‘fraternity’ have with Huawei?”
Trump: “Huawei is obviously at the head of it. He is using a codename: ‘Wind Spirits’. We have the NSA on it now.”
Press: “What threat does this pose for the United States?”
Trump: “Our information points to something happening in the winter. Some coalition of these fraternity people will be mobilizing then. We will be watching very closely for this winter coalition. The public has nothing to worry about there.”
Press: “Are the Russians involved in any way?”
Trump: “From what we can tell, the Russians see this fraternity as a threat as well. We have heard that preparations to meet them head-on are underway.”
Press: “Will we be working with the Russians then, to meet this threat?”
Trump: “I will neither confirm nor deny any collusion with the Russians. You can’t prove anything.”
Press: “Is this threat confined to space?”
Trump: “From what my sources tell me, yes. However, we are still sifting through the intercepts. There was talk of many solar systems being taken using ‘titans’ and other technology. We are trying to determine whether ‘solar system’ is a code word for something like country or region or military target. Regardless, the ban on trade still stands to send a message that no threat of any kind will be tolerated.”
Press: “Is this coming straight from Hong Kong? Could there be other players, or somebody masking as the Chinese to cause confusion?”
Trump: “Actually, they did try to trick us. We have determined that this is an underground terrorist group within the Chinese. At first we thought it was the Yakuza but it is a new group that goes by the name ‘Triglavians’.”
Press: “Isn’t the Yakuza Japanese?”
Trump: “They’d have you believe that.”
Press: “What is the goal of these Triglavians?”
Trump: “We assume they want to Make Hong Kong Great Again.”
Press: “Isn’t that a pretty terrible acronym?”
Trump: “Ask the Yakuza.”
Press: “What should we expect next as this develops?”
Trump: “You should expect that I will not back down from these threats. A big, safe, empty space. This is what’s in my head. I will do everything to make sure that vision comes true so that you don’t have to worry about titans flown by vicious Triglavians. We are always watching the Internets. Nothing will get past us.
Guy In The Back: “Um, Mr. President, aren’t you talking about a space game?”
Trump:
Guy In The Back: “EVE Online. It’s a space MMO. Massively Multiplayer Online game.”
Trump:
Press Organizer: “Thank you, everyone, I’m afraid that’s all we have time for.”
