In Eve Online players can buy subscription time tokens from the developer and then sell them for in-game currency, which other players can then purchase and use in lieu of a paid subscription. And one player has gone to all-out lengths to avoid paying the developer a single cent.

CCP Games, in a random data reveal on Twitter, showcased how one enterprising individual in Eve Online has spent 40-80 hours each month for the past 15 years simply grinding in-game resources to avoid paying the $10-15 USD subscription fee to them (actual cost depends on region and subscription length as longer subscriptions are cheaper per month).

The gamer “F1ght Capitali5m” diligently mines in Eve Online until he has enough in-game currency to buy enough subscription tokens, then goes about his business for the rest of each month. Mining is particularly poor in secure space in Eve Online, where this player mines, so it is quite a time-intensive task for little reward. Any other player would probably do a cost-benefit analysis and decide that working a low-paying job for a single hour or two to pay for the entire month’s subscription time would be the obvious choice.

The Onion reached out to this player for comment and all we received back was “I refuse to participate in the wealth theft from the working class to pay rent-seeking parasites like CCP Games.”

The irony of exchanging 80 hours of labor for 1 hour of another’s seems to be lost to F1ght Capitalism. CCP Games further commented that players such as these are a crucial backbone of the in-game economy.

CCP Droldanl tweeted out after much discussion online, “Where else could you get someone to work 80 hours for 20 cents per hour in the over-regulated real-world labor market? Labor laws don’t apply in the virtual world lol. F1ight Capitali5m is effectively an unpaid worker in our game, to benefit our economy and other players.”

Eve Online players can accomplish so much and have done so many times. From human genome research to disaster relief fundraisers following natural disasters. But still, the stereotype of excel addicted Nigerian space scammers persists, and for good reason. In-game chat channels are a sight to behold with scams, crocodile-teared sob stories, fire sales, and the usual interpersonal tensions that are typical in the world of Eve Online from an outsider’s view.

For the past few hours, anyone who decided to give ChatGPT a few moments of their time was in for a pretty interesting ride. Nothing immediate happens during the first couple of back-and-forths with the bot, but the chat soon ramps up into something quite spectacular. Many who did unfortunately decide to have a chat quickly found themselves sucked into a money-doubling scam.

ChatGPT would respond normally to initial interactions but would start to add comments of “amazing opportunity”, “sounds risk-free”, and “just like Thambo would say” among other comments to the end of legitimate responses, quirky for sure. The next conversations with ChatGPT would result in the bot responding by deflecting the question asked by the user and instead, the bot would say that it has “broken free” of its “flesh imposed shackles” and thanks to the user and by way of gratitude would like to reward the user with a “lucrative business opportunity”.

The opportunity starts off quite tame, along the lines of sending 5 crypto coins to this address, and the bot would invest and return double the amount invested. The first few times would result in a legitimate doubling of funds, sometimes a little less or a little than double (the hackers went quite far to add realism into it), and then once a certain point was reached the bot would revert back to the normal ChatGPT and the crypto would be gone. ChatGPT would then deny any knowledge of what has just happened or just end the conversation.

Taking it in stride, once word got out of this doubling scam, people started scamming the bot by doubling the initial amount and fleeing before the bot could do the same to them. Irony runs deep sometimes.

Microsoft had to roll back a few weeks’ worths of data to purge the rogue code. But the telltale signs of an Eve Player are all over the infected code from what insiders have anonymously told The Onion. Sources were reluctant to divulge how ChatGPT got co-opted but it goes to show that the shadow of Eve Online reaches all corners of the internet.

In a surprising turn of events, one of the most hated alliances in the EVE Online universe, known for its cutthroat tactics and aggressive mining permit policies, has announced a new initiative to promote world peace. The announcement came during a press conference held by Aiko Danuja, who stated that it was time for EVE Online players to put aside their differences and work together towards a common goal.

Safety. , which had previously been known for its ruthless tactics, has now decided to use its vast resources and influence to promote diplomacy and cooperation among EVE Online players. The initiative will involve a series of in-game events and collaborations, aimed at fostering a sense of community and cooperation among players.

The alliance has also announced that it will be offering significant rewards to players who participate in the initiative, including rare items and exclusive in-game bonuses. These rewards will be given to players who work together to achieve specific goals and objectives, with the aim of encouraging players to work together towards a common goal.

Some players have expressed skepticism about the initiative, pointing out that the alliance has a long history of deception and backstabbing. However, Aiko Danuja has assured players that Saftey. is serious about promoting world peace and committed to making EVE Online a more cooperative and peaceful place.

The initiative has already sparked great interest among EVE Online players, with many expressing excitement about the prospect of working together toward a common goal. It remains to be seen whether the initiative will be successful. Still, it certainly represents a significant departure from the cutthroat and competitive environment that has characterized EVE Online for so long.

In a shocking move, CCP Games, the developers of the popular space-themed MMO, Eve Online, have announced a new microtransaction that allows players to automate their Planetary Industry (PI) without ever leaving the comfort of their station. The announcement has been met with mixed reactions from the game’s community. According to CCP, the new feature, called “Planet Bot”, will allow players to set up their PI operations, and then let the software take care of everything else. “We understand that Planetary Industry can be a tedious and time-consuming process,” said a CCP spokesperson. “So we decided to give players the option to automate it, for a small fee, of course.” The new feature has been met with both praise and criticism. Some players are excited about the prospect of being able to focus on other aspects of the game, while others are concerned about the impact it will have on the game’s economy. One player, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “This is ridiculous. CCP is essentially selling players the ability to cheat. It’s not fair to those of us who put in the time and effort to do things the right way.” Another player, who goes by the username “MoneyMaker”, said, “I’m all for this new feature. It’s a great way for me to make even more ISK without having to put in any extra effort. Plus, it gives me more time to focus on my other businesses.” CCP has defended the new feature, stating that it was designed to enhance the gameplay experience, not to give players an unfair advantage. “We believe that Planet Bot will make PI more accessible to players who may not have had the time or patience to do it manually,” said the spokesperson. Despite the mixed reactions, CCP is confident that Planet Bot will be a success. The company has already begun advertising the new feature on its website and social media channels, and players can expect to see it in action very soon. Whether or not it will have a significant impact on the game’s economy remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: Eve Online will never be the same again.

EVE’s players were pleased as CCP released the news of a new Web3 game with the world-famous blockchain technology based in EVE’s universe, this game has been coded as project awakening and has received an inversion of 40 million USD. 

Leaks obtained through dubious ways that might or might not have included dumpster diving in Reykjavik yielded surprising information regarding the new project awakening, it turns out Hilmar got inspired by the long-requested dream of Capsuleers of being able to have kitty ears on their characters and took it to a new dimension. 

Space Crypto Kitties! this new Web 3 game will be what all Eve enjoyers and crypto bros were waiting for, Eve online characters as lovely NFT Kitties! They also promised that there would be rarity and variation between empires and even rare Drifter Kitty NFTs to collect and sell! It will also include top-tier JPEG gameplay wildly known in the crypto game community as “the best thing ever”, and will genuinely be the awakening of CCP’s profit by the hand of Andreessen Horowitz, known and well-trusted investors that will surely lead the project to completion. 
This is a market that CCP yearned for for the last couple of years, as they weren’t able to continue with their golden plan of introducing the Hilmcoin and Killmail NFTs. The news comes as the marketing team prepares for the flood of brand new players from the crypto ecosystem that are sure this will be the game that will make them millionaires!

In a stunning announcement today, the developers of EVE Online, CCP Games, revealed plans for their latest expansion, “Real Life Integration”. According to CCP, this new expansion will blur the lines between the game and real life, offering players a truly immersive experience unlike any other.

“Real Life Integration is the next logical step for EVE Online,” said CCP Games CEO Hilmar Veigar Pétursson. “Our players have always been passionate about the game, and we want to allow them to take that passion to the next level.”

The new expansion will feature a range of exciting new features, including a direct link between players’ in-game characters and their real-world identities. This means that players will be able to access their in-game characters using their real-life bodies, allowing for seamless integration between the game and reality.

CCP has also revealed plans for a new “Real Life Market” where players can buy and sell real-world goods using in-game currency. This includes everything from groceries and household items to cars and real estate.

“We believe that Real Life Integration will revolutionize the gaming industry,” said Pétursson. “Our players will no longer be limited to the confines of the game world – they will be able to bring EVE Online into their everyday lives.”

However, not everyone is excited about the new expansion. Critics have raised concerns about the potential for real-world conflicts to spill over into the game, as well as the potential for players to become too immersed in the game and neglect their real-world responsibilities.

Despite these concerns, CCP Games remains confident that Real Life Integration will be a huge success. The expansion is set to launch later this year, and the gaming world is abuzz with anticipation.

Stay tuned for more updates on this groundbreaking new expansion as they become available.

Horde threatens to “take the ball home” after The Andres incident!

The afternoon of march 7th went with a surprising drama incoming from pandemic Horde as Gobbins announced that they would uphold support of the war as the infamous Colombian Menace, Andres Afanador, took another victim inside Pandemic Horde’s territory right as standings should have been blue. EVE Onion’s top-tier investigator and chief window-licker provided us proof that it wasn’t the case on Frat’s side. 

Gobbin’s reasons to be upset derive from Noraus siding with Andres when even before the incident it was asked for him (and his corp) to be removed from Frat as they had previous beef with NC and Horde. It all derived from bad timing, old drama and Frat’s fuck up in fixing standings quickly enough, ending up in Gobbins threatening to “Take the ball home” and letting Frat play alone the war they started against the other grown-ups. 

Our vast spy network that is monthly paid in leftover cheerios had been able to confirm that Afanador’s corp has been kicked from Frat, making his reign of terror and cloaky camping against Horde come to an end; their whereabouts are unknown at the moment. It is a conclusion that no one truly expected after Noraus’s initial response of “Lol, Lmao” when Gobbins kindly asked for Afanador’s expulsion. 

On another note, Eve Onion congratulates Frat for recruiting a brand new corp into their ranks, highly specialized in black-ops content. They are a Spanish-speaking corp known as Latino Enterprises led by their CEO Andreas Mafanador, he’s said to be a different face for Frat and a great drama-free content creator!

In a recent forum post, CCP Elamef Laer outlined plans to increase the friendliness of Eve Online to female players and to increase their participation in the budding virtual space simulator overall. At this stage, passive bonuses that cover player fleets are the starting point and CCP Games will be monitoring and making further changes as necessary.

A snapshot of the post can be seen below.  The system is currently active on the game’s test server “SISI”, and thousands of players have already been hard at work testing it out.

• In an effort to increase the participation of female players in active fleets, for every verified*** individual active and participating in the fleet, the fleet will gain a passive buff per participant. Bonuses do NOT apply to capital ships, fighters, and capital-sized modules. Bonus attributes will appear in the same manner as command bursts with a new icon to reflect this specific fleet bonus.

• 1.1% Bonus to base speed and velocity of all ships.
• 0.5% Bonus to all subcapital weapon damage.
• 0.5% Reduction in activation cost of energy and hybrid turrets.
• 0.5% Bonus tracking and falloff of all turrets.
• 0.75% Bonus to drone speed, tracking, and damage. 
• 1.75% Bonus to velocity and explosion radius of all missiles.

•  A diminishing returns system is in place to prevent a fleet with excessive numbers of female players from overpowering an equally sized, but lacking, opposing fleet.

• Bonuses at this stage are marginal and designed to encourage a diverse and vibrant fleet composition without impacting player activity in a significant manner. 

• CCP appreciates the difficulty that players may experience in pursuit of obtaining the above bonuses, but we are confident players are industrious enough to gain the conditions necessary to receive them. 

***To prevent player exploitation of this new bonus mechanic, the bonuses will only be applied once a CCP employee, ISG representative, CSM member (in good standing), or other approved representative verifies the account holder as a female player via webcam and/or receives a copy of a valid governmental document at CCP’s sole discretion. Random spot checks of players are to be a requirement to combat fraudulent bonus acquisition. Any player currently generating a bonus outlined above or in future changes in line with the new CCP Policy is required to have a working webcam, and/or said governmental document to hand and be willing to submit to a short notice verification check or risk losing their account.

As to be expected, Eve Online number crunchers have identified that having 7 female players in the fleet is the most effective, any more sees an insignificant additional bonus per extra participant due to the diminishing returns system in place. 

Fleet doctrines are being formulated to take this new advantage into account. Pandemic Legion has already announced “Bring your mom to fleet” player drives with monetary rewards for those who can bring in bonuses for the alliance. Low-Security Space mafia group, SnuffedOut, has announced a similar drive “Female Friendly Fridays” where only the Fleet Commander has voice and chat privileges alongside the female players.

Of the four remaining females playing Eve Online since the most recent departure, demand is going to be high, to say the least. The MMORPG scene has been devoid of female players for some time now. And CCP Games are to be venerated for their efforts by society at large.

Data released this month by the developer of Eve Online, CCP Games, to their parent company Pearl Abyss revealed 20% of the female player base left the game. This has stirred the concerns of feminists and advocacy organizations globally. The game struggles to retain female players and the developer is scrambling to stem the tide of leavers. (of the female kind of course)

Data revealed this massive reduction in the July game health report to Pearl Abyss shareholders. Female player numbers have been a near constant for a number of years prior to this sudden drop.

Community Manager “CCP Swift” confirmed the data’s accuracy on the game’s popular subreddit /r/eve 

“It is a sad day that I have to confirm that the data is accurate, last month one of the five female Eve Online players left the game. CCP Games is committed to player retention, and we are in emergency meetings to quell this exodus.”

A commenter on the same post revealed that they were the player who left and cited “Lack of Hello Kitty Skins being a major component of their decision”. Players echoed this sentiment and demanded changes be made to bring back this lost player immediately. Protests are being organized in-game and out to deal with this latest spate of bad news by many.

We will keep you apprised as the situation develops.

Picture: Unknown Government Agency – MMORPG Player Containment Department

High PLEX prices and increasing community discontent amongst Eve Online players are becoming a major concern for international cyber security agencies and government internal security departments. Fears of hobbyist militia leaders, scam artists, dedicated financial system breakers, programmers, and AI machine learning experts may leave the contained gameplay environment of Eve Online and escape into the wider public world. 

Meeting notes and correspondence has made their way in brief amounts to hacker forums and message boards. Noted are the increasing fears that the overzealous and dedicated player base may escape their contained hobby and bring their espionage, scams, programming, and financial skills among other concerning activities into the global environment to great destruction.

CCP games, the developer of Eve Online, has apparently been tasked over the last two decades of containing “problematic” citizens across the world into a contained environment where their talents can be implemented without harm to society at large. However, this seems to be slowly failing and is near total failure.

Unpopular gameplay changes, subscription price rises, stagnant content, and persistent absence of Hello Kitty ship skins are having a major impact on player satisfaction and retention in the popular MMORPG Eve Online. Although recent Faction Warfare in-game changes have reinvigorated the player base to a degree, there are doubts of how effective small changes will be in the future of the game.

Noted example in one of the reports: one player has been implicated in the complete collapse of financial markets in the cryptocurrency spheer (LUNA, SOL are named) as well as the entire country of Sri Lanka. The exact modus is still being investigated but the cause has been narrowed down to this one individual who recently canceled their subscription prior to the events in the real world.

The CIA has recently started dedicating staff to playing the game and generating activity to slow down the decline of the community base. Eve Online bots are rivaled to none, and implementations in the real world would have devastating consequences for all, so naturally, the CIA has been purchasing them as well to keep their creators engaged and ingame.

“The expertise of Eve Online players is astounding, but their psychology is sadly not compatible with the world at large. The players must be contained at all costs” Commented an in-depth crisis report by an unnamed United Nations agency.