Newly Discovered: Bittervets Hire Alpha Clones to Riot on Their Behalf!

206

Capsuleer MacGirk, hard at work managing his fortune.

Bittervets, inspired by Capsuleer Dirk MacGirk’s vigorous complaint, are hiring Alpha Clones to riot on their behalf. Mr. MacGirk gave voice to this frustration on social media, saying:

Why the hell do I have to do something to get my Yoiul gift? This is not how gifts work. I blame Alphas. Omegas should continue to receive effort-free gifts as befitting their status. I paid into the Omega system my whole life. Then these Alphas show up, followed by waves of skill point farming chain migrants, and my benefits are suddenly cut? This is outrageous.They can take our T2 guns, they can take our pirate faction Battleships, but they can never take, our freeeeeeeee…stuff.

Alpha Clones, desperate for ISK, are thrilled to have the opportunity to make hundreds of millions of ISK doing work that Omega Capsuleers will not. “This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for”, Galpaca Clone, a Gallentean Alpha-Class Capsuleer cheered excitedly, “I’ve been working dead-end Level 1 missions for weeks to save up for a VNI. I’m excited to have the opportunity to riot on behalf of such inspirational figures as Mr. MacGirk. I look forward to departing for Nullsec soon after we ‘Burn Jita’ in our Yoiul of Entitled Rage. The opportunity to AFK rat in peace, like a real Omega Clone, is enough to bring tears to my eyes.”

A few grinches attempted to derail this vital and righteous crusade, offering opinions contrary to the dominant screeeeeee. A few even attempted to suggest this change may actually be for the better, or suggest Mr. MacGirk was speaking tongue-in-cheek. One anonymous commenter opined:

The Agency is attempting to give the gift of content. Gankers and Pirates should rejoice that Capsuleers who want to reap the rewards of the Yoiul season must undock and engage in drone fumigation, and that rewards are greater in lower security space. Market moguls can look forward to these novelty gifts having investment value, since the supply requires more effort than simply opening the mail.

The anonymous commenter was quickly downvoted, awox’ed, and relegated to obscurity.