Fenris Creations Patches Wallet Exploit, Accidentally Reveals Every Capsuleer in New Eden is Broke
JITA — Fenris Creations issued an emergency security update Thursday after a UI bug exposed every capsuleer’s wallet balance across New Eden. Sources inside the company confirm the patch was deployed within hours. The real shocker, analysts say, is what the data revealed: approximately 94 percent of self-described “null-sec power players” have fewer than fifty million ISK in liquid assets.
“I saw my own balance on someone else’s screen and I almost self-destructed my pod,” said Commander Yarvik Tol, a member of a prominent sov-holding alliance who spoke on condition his corp not be named. “Twelve years in this galaxy. Twelve years. My net worth is two Catalysts and a dream.”
The exploit, introduced in a recent patch, caused wallet readouts to display universally for several hours before FC engineers identified the issue. Industry observers note that Fenris Creations has spent the last eighteen months overhauling EVE’s underlying technical infrastructure. The result, according to the firm, is a more stable and performant cluster. The result, according to anyone who undocked this week, is a universe where your ISK is everyone else’s business.
“We acted swiftly to resolve the matter,” a Fenris Creations representative stated in a brief press release that notably did not include the phrase “we’re sorry.”
Ansiblex Changes Force Alliances to Rediscover Stargates Like Cavemen
The timing proved especially cruel for empire logistics officers, who are already bracing for the Cradle of War update set to land on September 22. Among the changes: a significant restructuring of jump bridge travel that alliance leadership has described as “inconvenient” and “actually just inconvenient.”
“My jump freighter pilot threatened to biomass,” said logistics director Selene Maru, whose coalition operates a network spanning thirty-seven systems. “I told him stargates still exist. He asked me what a stargate is. He’s been playing since 2019.”
Independent observers expect the Ansiblex changes to reduce force projection capabilities across null-sec by a meaningful margin. Veteran pilots expect it to reduce their will to live by a meaningful margin.
“Back in my day we walked uphill both ways through low-sec,” said retired fleet commander Gorath Venn. “These kids have had bridges for so long they think a gate camp is a social event.”
Fenris Creations confirmed the changes remain on schedule. Capsuleers with questions are encouraged to consult the official dev blog, their alliance’s designated rage-quit channel, or alcohol.
