It is such a relief to finally share my heart with you, dear mirror-cam, who always look at me with such great admiration, respect, and even love. I must unburden myself, and who better than you? And you, dear adventurer, who find this recording carefully concealed, as I am sure one of you someday will – do not hesitate to weep for joy at the brilliance, the beauty, and the boldness of my plan.

My vision was inspired and the developers I shepherded were excellent, but the world was not yet ready for our VR experiences, nor was current hardware capable of supporting my vision for the ultimate world-changing experience represented by my DUST… Legion… Nova… FPS thing.

It struck me in the sauna, as so many of my most brilliant ideas have – the solution to our woes. With BoB gone, New Eden needs a villain, and who better than the architect himself? Everyone loves to be the golden child, but sometimes a true hero must seem to be the villain in order to give the people hope. In the end, you either die a hero, or you live long enough to become the villain. I have chosen to become the villain.

I began to execute my plan by boldly enraging the player base with Incarna, setting them on a trajectory of increasing anger and frustration. In their hubris, they never suspected my devious genius, ascribing my words and actions to incompetence. Over the years that followed, I continued the dismantling of their world, ultimately leveraging my army of bots to boost player counts in order to secure a buyout by Pearl Abyss, then retiring the bot army to make the player count plummet. The community team had to go, of course, and the CSM had to be relegated to irrelevance. It was a shame, really, but you can’t bake a cake without breaking a few eggs.

And the developers, oh… the developers. Where I did not directly quash their suggestions and prototypes, my agents have persuaded them to sit on their best ideas. They think I don’t know how much time they’ve spent working on side projects for the love of the game. They think I haven’t seen their branches full of carefully crafted balance changes, new features, new ships, and, of course, cat ears.

My plan was audacious, but it has nearly reached fruition. EVE is at its nadir. A few short months, and the player count will fall far enough that the company can be purchased for the cost of its hardware’s recycle value.

On that great and glorious day, they will drive me from my seat of power, and appoint one of their own CEO as players and developer-players purchase EVE Online in the industry’s greatest crowd-funding success of all time. My legacy will be one of enduring passion and technical innovation like none that has come before me. My name will be whispered with awe by the few who know the true story of my ultimately benevolent scam.

To be a true hero, you have to be willing to save the day and have no one know you did it.

I am that hero.

A lot has been said from the recent leaks coming from the CCP Keynote, one of the biggest announcements was the merger between CCP games and Wube games as it was purchased by Pearl Abyss.

Wube Software’s famous Factorio was the key to the acquisition as the gameplay it offers is the best fit to replace the outdated PI mechanics that Eve Online provides. It has been confirmed from CCP Ratatti that Factorio’s gameplay will fulfill the needs of all those eve players that preferred to herd Fedos before engaging in the “exciting” mechanics that Planetary Interaction currently offers. 

Some players raised their concerns about how their loved PI farms would tank due to more players willing to engage in the activity, this was quickly shut down by a big part of the community as capitalizing on a mechanic that equals watching grass grow isn’t very popular. Others argued that they find the gameplay amusing and relaxing, CCP answered them during the Keynote referring to their famous song HTFU

Overall it seems like there is indeed a new era for Eve Online and CCP games, Factorio’s own success and the adaptability of Eve’s universe will bring a lot of new players willing to try this new kind of gameplay in an emergent industry, ready to kickstart Eve’s new dawn.

Plot Revealed! CCP Hilmar Working With North Korea. Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un Plans For Takeover of Nullsec Sov Held By Imperium. CCP, at Hilmar’s direction, cripples player ability to defend territory with year-long effort to undermine EVE economy and military industrial capability.

Uproar has shaken up the Eve community this last week due to the Omega price hike!

Here in EveOnion, we were able to get a little sneak peek at the reasons for such an increase in price. 

Documents found from an old laptop found in a dumpster outside CCP headquarters in Reykjavik (Which had a little post-it on it that said: “Dispose of it properly – CCP Logibro :)” ) Revealed some crucial information about CCP finances and some worrying-long audio messages full with profanities in Korean. What little we were able to salvage due to the top-tier encryption, provided by coffee spills, revealed some of the reasons why the famous game developer company had to take such drastic measures. 

From over budgeting on volcano helicopter rides and CSM meetings, the last nail in the sinking burning coffin that is CCP’s decision making was the involvement of CCP with NFTs, as they had a wide scale project that involved a new currency named HilmCoins that would immortalize Kill mails as NFTs on a homebrew blockchain.

One last comment we were able to salvage from an email, made by CCP Hilmar himself, after the public announcements of CCP distancing themselves from NFT read: “I was this close on getting the damn Elminer’s Killmail NFT!” 

The announcement of raising Omega subscription cost was a heavy blow to many players. Naturally the player base was quite upset; rightfully so. Post-lockdown many people are finally settling and re-evaluating work-life balance, their finances, and even careers as a whole. One thing many capsuleers looked forward to with the return on some semblance of normalcy was Fanfest. That is, until of course, CCP announced a hike in subscription costs. Around 20 USD/month for one month of Omega time is no small ask, and many players are looking to reduce their number of subscribed accounts (subs), or unsubbing altogether. Hearing this, CCP have had to make a hard decision, and will now be offering refunds for Fanfest tickets in the form of Omega subscription for the purchasing capsuleer’s chosen accounts.

This year’s April Fools from CCP dropped in the form of another dev blog listing changes, along with a big “This is a Joke!” disclaimer. Upon reading the article it became evident that without this disclaimer the changes and quality would be indistinguishable from any given devblog. We have joked before that The Eve Onion will be out of business because we can’t top what CCP does, but in this instance, I feel a better April Fool’s would have been to not disclose this was a joke and left everyone feeling ambivalent as usual, and then simply never implementing the “GHOST” clone system or “Epic Insurance”. Nobody would have batted an eye until controversial changes didn’t happen.

As mobile gaming takes the world by storm, from simple word game puzzles to first-person shooters now being a mainstream form of entertainment on tablets and smartphones, King, makers of the ultra-successful Candy Crush, have entered the MMO scene and bought CCP Games. CCP Games is most well known for the cutthroat MMO that is Eve Online, where piracy is encouraged, corporate espionage is the norm, and spreadsheets rule the stars.

King, in a press release this morning, has assured all spreadsheet aficionados of Eve Online that there is no threat of candy-shaped enemies appearing in New Eden any time soon. King was hesitant to answer questions on future monetization of Eve Online and only assured the press that any microtransactions they introduce would be completely unobtrusive to the vast majority of players and not necessarily affect any space shenanigans the players get up to.

Players have already voiced their doubts on social media but King has assayed their fears with vague comments about kitty-shaped appendages appearing in the near future of Eve Online. King has engaged in the past with Sanrio, the makers of Hello Kitty, for collaborative ventures so we may see Hello Kitty piloted capital ships in the near future of Eve Online. Fluffy cat ears have been high up on the player desire list for the spaceships.

Pearl Abyss, the prior owners of CCP Games sold the developer to King for a reported $500m, netting Pearl Abyss a handsome profit having only just recently acquired the developers themselves.

CCP Games CEO, Hilmar Pétursson, declined to comment outside the studio in Reykjavík. It was reported by insiders that he struggled down the main staircase later that evening with three suitcases all bulging at the seams with unknown contents. A single visible $100 note protruding from an improperly zipped corner was seen on one of the suitcases but this could not be confirmed at the time of publication. 

Announcing the “Dev Friend for a Day” Pack! Tired of flying solo or have you ever imagined spending up to 8 hours with your favorite CCP Developer playing EVE Online? Now you can with this newest pack from CCP Games! Once the pack has been purchased a GM will reach out to schedule the date, time, and which developer you would like to spend the day with. You may take them on roaming, on a structure bash, high sec ganking spree, or go wormhole diving! They will be there for you!. Need that expensive to get T2 BPO? No problem! Have them spawn it for you as a souvenir of your day! (Dev’s may only spawn one item for you to keep past the purchased pack time.) Or maybe you wanted that faction Titan! Make it so with the simple request of your Dev.

CCP Games hopes that this experience will help humanize and ease player’s concerns over Devs not playing the game they work on.

The pack is set to go on sale for the low price of 16,000 plex!