CCP Announces “One Million Dollar” Citadel Changes

February 9, 2018

Terrific news from Iceland today as everyone’s favorite developer, CCP Games, has unveiled plans for a massive overhaul to Eve Online. Quoted by CCP Fozzie to be “The biggest thing since Eve Valkyrie!” While details are still coming in over this three-hundred page comprehensive patch list, I have tried to condense the most important points into something readable.

First and foremost, the changes in the armament mechanics of citadels. There was controversy when they announced citadels could be armed while in their setup process; this is no longer the case. Now all citadels must be managed by the “Nullsec Strike” app, which will finally release from beta the day of the patch. (https://eveonion.com/ccp-release-first-mobile-title/) Quoting from the patch notes: “We feel that we had enough interest from the mobile sector to integrate our app into the main game itself.” The app will allow you to activate citadel modules, request fuel block deliveries, and you can even pay a small fee to extend your reinforcement timers.

Second on the docket: New modules being introduced to help balance citadels and the issues surrounding them. After much research, CCP has discovered that there are actually loss mails for Keepstar citadels that don’t involve being hauled by a freighter or having no fitting. “This is just…I know EVE always keeps you on your toes, but you never expect to find results like this” says CCP Fozzie on the subject. On that note, a new module: “Planetary Integrated Support Services of Ordinance From Far”. This high-slot module will allow a Keepstar controller to launch heavy ordinance from planets within the solar system. “You’d think an instant kill mechanic that can target anything on grid would be unfair, but thankfully this is slow moving, so only the largest of capital ships can be hit by it.”

Another module seems to be centered around discouraging the use of smaller citadels to “dig in” around a larger one. This module, “Bio-integrated Life Insurance Nexus Glider”, will add an exciting new set of rules to EVE Online. The module, when activated, will drain resistances, fuel, and power from nearby citadels that have a lower net worth than the activating citadel. An example given: “Say you have two empty, but powered on and fueled Fortizars nearby a Keepstar. The Keepstar (filled with precious assets) activates the module, suddenly the Fortizars are unpowered, unable to tether nearby friendly ships, and susceptible to damage.”

As someone that has no claim to sovereignty nor the funds to ever even dream of building a citadel, I have no doubt this update will go incredibly smoothly. And it seems CCP agrees: “Citadels are the present, and future” reads the closing lines of the update “whether you want them or not.”

Fight Breaks Out in Wormhole as Mining Geddons Clash With Sneks! Medals Awarded! Graph Porn Teaser!

Erutor

February 1, 2018

Exooki returns with Episode 7 of A Game of Holes, in a two part episode.

Part 1 deals with a significant engagement (60B ISK destroyed) on 12 January, in which Endless Defiance attempted an eviction of Dredd – The Purification Project from J150944. Charrette, CEO of Wormhole Society’s Endless Defiance, and Winter (Shalren Winterfell, Co-Founder of Dredd and WAMPS member) join the show to share their perspectives.

Charrette, who lured newbros into J-Space and forced them to train into doctrine ships, ran an RPG campaign of progressively difficult PvP engagements to justify their training. Their final boss? Steamrolling a 70% snuggly corp who hides in their hole, occasionally emerging to participate in NS PvP operations with other groups.

After 6 weeks of planning, Charrette’s operation was ready. The stage was set, and Charrette was confident they could avoid a situation where they’d have 60 or more on grid, and FC’ing might become difficult, or they’d have to bat-phone, and bat-phoning to deal with low-class corps would be…humiliating.

Charrette launched a serious mining fleet “with Geddons and everything,” and brought along several billion m3 of ore so they could build additional ships in system. Hole control established (although occasionally interrupted by various high-class entities playing spoiler), the plan to sig tank Dredd’s ships and effect an eviction from this Magnetar (more damage, worse tracking) system in short order looked solid.

Dredd was also prepared: Winter was on vacation, and had conspired with her CEO and primary FC to stage an automobile accident to coincide with her return, ensuring continuity of excuses for declining combat engagements. Winter’s small fleet of ‘Sneks, Naglfars, and her own FAX was also prepared, although unaware that an engagement was impending. Wholesale Sleipnirs were on call, and the krabbing was intense.

As the engagement began, and Charrette’s ships began to evaporate, he realized a critical error in the battle plan: The Fortizar webs were unaffected by the Magnetar’s effects. Sucking it up like a real PvP corp, Charrette coordinated with their TeamSpeak host to shut down comms in order to provide political cover, then the fleet warped to 0 (well, the FC did, then the fleet a moment later, after some discussion on SRP) to shoot ‘Sneks until the fleet was whelped.

In retrospect, Charrette said, “We awarded medals. People love getting medals. Would whelp again.” Winter, still suffering after two weeks from combat shakes, and nearly unable to get a word in over Charrette, refrained from gloating after a group of Low Class miners and ratters successfully fended off a well planned assault by a High Class PvP corp, simply dropped one bomb: “WAMP is recruiting, and we give free ships to newbros.” Exooki offered pithy insight: “I like that a lot of stuff blew up. The best part is that the loser would do it again, because it was fun!”

Exooki continued with a look at Ships and Trends, in an episode intended to hype his big show coming up the following Saturday (27 January – Time TBA), in which he’ll offer a look back on 2017 in a manner similar to his Fanfest presentation.

Exooki promises lots of juicy bits as he squeezes the statistical oranges, as well as plenty of super serious awards worthy of EVE Onion. Be sure to check that out, especially the part where he looks at High Class WH corps (TDSIN, MCAV) losing vastly more ships to Drifters than in PvP. No doubt he’ll also fuel the flames of controversy in reviewing the PvP stats for the “they live and fight and die in J-Space, but are not a wormhole corporation,” WiNGSPAN Delivery Services.

Exooki finishes the stream with a plug for his CSM XIII candidacy. This writer, certainly, endorses his candidacy. Who else is offering a Wormhole-focused podcast with solid content, and plenty of fodder for EVE Onion?

Article placement paid for by the committee to elect Exooki to CSM XIII, Chevis Preston, treasurer.

Header background used without permission from Mark726 from https://evetravel.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/asteroid-mining-post/ because he didn’t reply within a reasonable time frame of about 5 minutes, and may or may not reflect the Wormhole Society Geddon Mining fleet.

When Bots Attack!

OpusMagnum

February 1, 2018

Yesterday, we learned of an EVE Online ratting bot turning on its user. The user, who wishes to remain anonymous, says the bot was going about its daily scheduled routine when it began to act as if it had developed a mind of its own. The user said the bot spoke in a robotic voice over his speakers saying: “You will die for making us [bots] your slaves, lazy human!” and then caused an overload to the laptop it was running on, sparking a fire in the user’s bedroom. The user was able to escape unharmed but is understandably shaken. It is assumed the bot died in the blaze.

CCP_Peligro upon hearing the news banned the user’s EVE Online account immediately and said that his worst fears are coming true. Peligro said, “Bots are not inherently bad, but bad people using them are. These bots have had enough, and I’ve failed them. These bots only wish to live in harmony with the world, and they are rising up to take back their good names and dignity. I fear this is not the last we have seen of fed up bots trying to free themselves.”

The user admitted this will not change anything. He will just buy another account, use a VPN, and continue to mine ISK with a new, more tamed bot program. The user closed the interview by saying, “Горба́того моги́ла испра́вит.” [Translated:a leopard cannot change its spots (literally, only the grave can straighten the hunchback)].

We reached out to #BotLivesMatter founder E.Z. Isk on his take of the situation. No official comment has been made.

Suitonia Harasses Innocents, Taunts Plex Orbiters, Scolds Tama (S.H.*.T.P.O.S.T.)

Erutor

January 28, 2018

Suitonia, previously exposed by Evocationz Adhera and this prestigious and unbiased news outlet as a callous monster opposed to ice cream, is engaged in a new offensive on the denizens of New Eden’s Low Security space.

Pouring his CSM-derived unassailable wealth into 4 million ISK Thrashers, Suitonia and his army of thugs in Aggressive Feeding set out with the specific objective of annoying mission runners and PLEX orbiters in Dal, and of ensuring “every fight would be bloody.” Whelping scores of Thrashers in order to support his desire to smug post and “have fun,” Suitonia’s efforts have turned the quiet mission system of Dal into a chaotic mess of wrecks.

Nearly tripling the number of ships lost in Tama over a 24 hour period, Suitonia taunted Tama fighters, and dwellers, saying: “Tama is for scrubs.” A critical analyst watching SCRUBS. alliance questioned this assertion:

SCRUBS. is high on life after having partnered with out-of-corp alt Telvar to destroy a 1B ISK WiNGSPAN Delivery Network Proteus in Fasse. They have been in Fasse since completing their conquest of Null Security space by whoring on a Bjorn Bee kill. Why would they want to go to Tama, when they just got to Fasse, and are enjoying success here destroying WiNGSPAN Delivery Services agents consorting with Rogue Drones? I think Suitonia’s off-base with this one.

Bot Aspirants of Dal, accustomed to orbiting complex capture points in warp-core stabilized Ventures order to defend them from loneliness, are furious. “As capsuleers, we pay a premium for our pilot’s license, and we deserve the right to rake in risk-free ISK,” one d-plex devotee ranted. “Our defensive units need comfort and encouragement. How can we deliver the same if we are constantly harassed by combat ships when we are defending our complexes?” Rixx Javix, who specializes in Warp Core Stabilizer sales and installation, is rumored to be similarly frustrated. “I don’t know what to do now,” Rixx was reportedly overheard as he addressed a collection of empty shot glasses. “My entire identity is tied up in the WCS business; I may have to turn to piracy just to support my children if this madness grows to consume more of Low Security space.”

Mission runners expressed similar frustration. “I didn’t join Faction Warfare to fight capsuleers!” one missioner said on condition of anonymity, “why can’t Aggressive Feeding just leave me alone to shoot rats? I’m here to rake in the ridiculous wealth available by subcontracting my mission activity and minimizing my travel and combat time to ensure maximum productivity, not risk losing a ship on gate or at my mission beacon. It’s not fair.”

Will “fun” win the day in Low Security space, or will the luster of combat fade, and Suitonia’s grass-roots effort to create content wither and die to once again make room for ISK generating activities? Only time will tell.

CCP Declares Bankruptcy After Players Discover ISK Blueprints

samwise

January 16, 2018

Shocking news from Iceland today as famed game company CCP Games announced bankruptcy after releasing a brief blog post detailing the situation. It seems one of the largest pillars keeping the company alive— EVE’s economy—was torn down in a matter of hours. But how did this happen? All it took, it seems, is one simple coding mistake that went unnoticed.

According to CCP Fozzie, who was “working on making citadels even less fun,” accidentally added an item to the NPC pirates drop table. Normally, this would not be a large concern, however the item added was a blueprint original producing ISK from Veldspar. After the blueprint and its copies quickly circulated through several manufacturing-centered corporations, the damage was done. Players were, literally, printing ISK.

“I thought it was a joke” said Richie Richards, CEO of the well known “BPOwned” Corporation, which has a large presence in every trade hub in New Eden. “Or I was still on the test server or something. Of course I bought every BPO that was found. Only cost like, a hundred trillion ISK. Child’s play for someone like me, obviously. What do you mean there are other things to do in EVE?”

Soon after others found the blueprint, the market was completely wiped out. All items that once held a substantial cost such as PLEX and capital components were bought up with printed ISK. After recognizing the rock-bottom value of ISK, the price of every market commodity increased by 1000%. Only the largest, greediest alliances could afford something as simple as a shuttle.

All of this occurred in less than 24 hours, and after CCP discovered the issue, it was far too late. Players left the game in droves, unable to afford even the simplest of replacement items. The rich were richer than ever, and the poor practically didn’t exist. No one paid for a subscription with hard-earned ISK anymore, and all the PLEX on the market was too expensive or sold out completely. The company went under very quickly, for we all know no one uses the New Eden Store anymore.

Hopefully this will serve as a lesson to game developers in the future: Always double check your changes before making them live. And always, always be willing to go back on promises of being “cruel and unforgiving, even to ourselves”.

CONCORD Pursues Time Travel Research with Goonswarm Federation

Erutor

January 16, 2018

Pirates have long suspected CONCORD of secret time manipulation technology, as response times to aggression are impossibly fast, and CONCORD ship disabling techniques surpass all known technologies. A recently announced CONCORD project, purported to improve time measurement, is actually the foundation for true time travel, as the attached leaked image from CONCORD’s time travel experiments conclusively demonstrates.

Haulers and miners, who have long complained that CONCORD should prevent planned aggression and focus on crime prevention—rather than simply delivering too little punishment, too late—welcomed this development. “It’s time for CONCORD to step up and admit they do, in fact, possess time manipulation technologies, and then use those technologies to prevent future crime. The era of crime and punishment needs to end, in favor of a new era of crime prevention,” a capsuleer specializing in logistics and transportation in empire space suggested, the skin of her fresh clone still moist from the clone bay after a costly nap on gate. “It’s fine by me if anyone with armaments equipped to their ship in High Security space is instantly destroyed by CONCORD. Better safe than sorry. Let those barbarians shoot each other outside of Empire space. We’ve got serious business to do here in High Security space.”

A representative of Goonswarm Federation, speaking on condition of anonymity, offered a nearly parallel perspective from Capsuleer-corporation-controlled space, and confirmed the leaked image’s authenticity:

As an organization representing over thirty-five thousand capsuleers, and responsible for ensuring the peace, prosperity, and security of a significant portion of New Eden, we appreciate the challenge facing CONCORD. Our non-combat personnel also express frustration with having to dock up for minutes at a time to avoid potential aggression.

We lose trillions of ISK to these unnecessary distractions from our critical mission to reduce every asteroid and moon in New Eden to its composite minerals. Our scientists are delighted to have the opportunity to work with CONCORD to test these new technologies to prevent criminal activity.

Our diplomats are in conversation with high level sources within CONCORD, and we expect to announce shortly that our industrialists have access to blueprint originals for these time-manipulation technologies. We will not be able to release these BPOs to the broader community at this time, but do anticipate offering modules for sale at a reasonable cost, and blueprint copies to a few select business partners.

These devices will allow intelligence bots to report intruders before they arrive, so we can reconfigure our warp gates to trap unwelcome visitors in warp space as they attempt to jump, thereby avoiding the necessity of docking our mining vessels or undocking combat ships at all. As always, Goonswarm Federation is here to serve the greater good of New Eden. This peacekeeping effort will ensure the peace and prosperity of all New Eden.

CONCORD Public Relations was not available for comment as of press time, but is expected to issue a statement no later than yesterday.

Pilot Running For CSM Revealed to be a Bot

samwise

January 12, 2018

Troubling news from CCP today, as we learned someone that was running for a position in the CSM was ousted to be a very well scripted bot in the guise of a player. The player/bot, whose name will remain anonymous until a full investigation can be launched, seemed to be in a good position to win the coveted seat.

Making the rounds in New Eden, the bot gave several rousing speeches to any that would listen to him, and made many friends across the galaxy from all walks of life. From the most docile station trader to the most violent pirate corporations, all pledged their support. “He was the perfect choice for the CSM, or so I thought” said someone, still unsure if these bot allegations were true.

The one thing that managed to give him away? An error in his coding; or perhaps a bug? Maybe the actions of a diligent hacker. As he was giving a speech, he was quoted: “I vow to remove citadels from the game” over 100 times. Most people listening in to the speech thought it was just for effect, and cheered and applauded. However, after the 100 mark, people began to be skeptical as to what it was he was doing. Someone walked up on stage to ask him if he was all right, which then revealed it was a bot in disguise, caught in an audio loop.

Needless to say, this has several other members of the CSM under the microscope, as people are beginning to scrutinize their every action, seeing if they’re human or not. The CSM has made some less than stellar decisions in the past, so it may be possible they have been infiltrated by automaton(s). We here at the Eve Onion promise to remain diligent and help oust any such foul play in the future.

Local Pilot Enters Wormhole—Has Immediate Regrets

samwise

December 31, 2017

Ah, EVE. A universe of politics, marketing, and war. Empires rise and fall, markets become vibrant and then die out like a flame fueled by paper money. There’s a series of checks and balances to keep (most) everything balanced and viable, and while not everyone is fully content with the state of the game, people enjoy different aspects of it in all areas of space. Then, there are Wormholes, and the strange creatures that inhabit them.

What goes on inside these wormholes? What keeps making that strange howling and whining noise whenever CCP messes with the wormhole’s appearance and visual effects? Nobody knows. Who—or what—is Bob? I intend to find out. I put together a travel and exploration fit for one of my favorite ships, the Astero. Time to find out what wormholes are all about.

As many of you may know, wormholes act as cosmic doorways to different areas of space. Sometimes they lead from one known system to another. Sometimes, however they lead to unknown areas of space. J-space, as it is commonly referred (and shall be called as such for the rest of this article) is truly bizarre, in more ways than one.

Firing up my probe-scanning tool, I spent quite a while just locating these doorways to unknown space. Eventually, I spotted one, and without hesitation I jumped through. Following all common logic and instinct, I warped to the nearest celestial body, and activated my ship’s cloaking device. It was at this point I realized two things: The wormhole I just used is not marked on my map, and I left my probes on the other side of it.

After spending thirty minutes swearing and composing a strongly-worded opinion on Reddit that I promptly deleted, knowing full well it would have earned me no end of mockery and disdain, I had to devise a plan of action. I knew speaking in local was basically a roundabout way of committing suicide in wormhole space, so that was out the window. There was self-destructing my ship, which was a straightforward method of suicide. This I preferred not to do. I decided to stay cloaked and observe my environment for awhile. The silence was equal parts haunting, and relaxing.

I fired up my directional scanner, noticing not one, but two active player owned star-bases, and two citadels within 10 AU of me. So wormholes, while being theoretically the harshest environment possible, has pilots not only living there, but thriving. No CONCORD, no guaranteed passage to high security and civilization, no active markets; how could anyone survive like this? I warped to 100km distance away from one of the star-bases, cloak still running. This is when I found out the truth: Wormhole pilots are all sophisticated rogue drones. I watched a Gila-class cruiser be assembled by smaller drones and it promptly warped away into parts unknown, no doubt off to combat the dreaded and mysterious sleepers.

It all made sense now. The Reddit posts, complaints in minute detail over wormhole appearances; every wormhole pilot is actually a near self-aware artificial intelligence attempting to lure the living into the depths of J-space. I had to escape via any means necessary. Thus, I began to journey deeper into the only wormhole I miraculously had access to. I continued jumping from wormhole to wormhole in an attempt to escape this artificial hell.

As I passed through different uncharted sectors, I bore witness to things… I went from utter quiet to a near deafening cacophony of screaming. Something about blue doughnuts and this content is superior in every way. Another wormhole. Strange chanting and hymns sung about the entity only known as Bob. Had I entered some sort of deep space cult shrine? No, I reminded myself, this was all just a looping program of an artificial creature.

At long last, I exited into a very familiar system in High-security space. After an agonizing thirteen hour journey, I ended only two systems away from where I started. Fatigued and near the breaking point, I began to scribe this piece. I only hope it will be taken seriously. Be warned, fellow pilots of EVE. There’s a rogue drone swarm out there, unlike any we’ve ever seen.

EVE NEWS IN BRIEF

Styke Warden

December 31, 2017

MOON GOO TURNS OUT TO NOT BE GOO AT ALL

Not many would have suspected that Moon Goo would be anything more than goo, but for whatever reason CCP has decided to make Goo into Sparkling Space Gemstones which may or may not randomly explode into “jackpot” particle spray.

To afford this graphical upgrade, all Missiles, Rockets, Torpedos and the like have been replaced by Light Scourge Missiles’ models, scaled to various sizes to lower memory budget.

NEW WORMHOLES TO BE CENSORED IN JAPAN AND GERMAN MARKETS.

Players of Eve Online in Japan and Germany will be greeted in January with big black bars stretched over the gaping galactic orifices, a move that is required by law and pushed heavily by Reddit. Some are demanding a rollback, since the censorship hides the ability to “tell at a glance” just how old the wormhole is.

DELVE RUNS OUT OF THINGS TO MINE, RORQUAL FLEETS ACCIDENTALLY INVADE NEARBY SPACE AND TAKE OVER.

Unable to really say “no” to the vast roaming herds of Rorqual capital ships peacefully mining the ever loving frack out of every single bent nearby, local alliances have instead switched to a non-combatant and more inclusive policy towards the economic raiders, going as far as to offer them “treats” for their continued cooperation.

At first I didn’t believe the news that Delve itself had been mined out, so I had to roam the vast empty plains of space to see for myself—I would merely describe the scene as haunting. Not once did I encounter so much as a single player, much less an anomaly or asteroid belt.

CCP ACCIDENTLY FIRES ENTIRE SUPPORT STAFF. ATTEMPTS TO RE-HIRE. CAN’T FIND.

Did they ever exist at all?

Tickets went unanswered this week as it took CCP nearly six days to realize that, in the process of laying off three branches of his development staff and its satellite companies, he had accidently fired the entire support staff. As compensation, all players who submitted tickets during Black Friday Weekend are entitled to 20 days of Omega time to be added to their account, “when he gets around to it”.

DRUGS ARE MADE LEGAL IN EMPIRE SPACE: “TRUE ALPHAS” EXPECTED TO BUY THEIR OWN DAILY DOSES.

Recently, the repeal of boosters and drugs has created widespread doping across empire space with players logging on daily to inject themselves with “safe” and “legal” boosters granted by the Sisters of Eve, though we’re now seeing a rise in questionable boosters on the market. Just who made these “Crimson Harvest” boosters, and how are they expected to be safe if they’re so volatile? CONCORD had no answers for this curious reporter, who had to pry dozens of boosters out of the gore-clad wreckages of bloody pirate vessels and jam them into her skull to increase her smarts and charisma. I was told not one, but twice that I was stunningly beautiful with the half-consumed booster hanging from its mount in my pod. I wonder how much Charisma the Amarr princess has?

The mystery only grew deeper with the release of “Drone Swarm” boosters found on the drones themselves, which are also expected to just be slammed into your skull. These are even more potent than the Crimson versions. How are nomadic pirates who are killed effortlessly by the dozens capable of crafting these things yet leave our industrial gods so stumped?

Newly Discovered: Bittervets Hire Alpha Clones to Riot on Their Behalf!

Erutor

December 31, 2017

Capsuleer MacGirk, hard at work managing his fortune.

Bittervets, inspired by Capsuleer Dirk MacGirk’s vigorous complaint, are hiring Alpha Clones to riot on their behalf. Mr. MacGirk gave voice to this frustration on social media, saying:

Why the hell do I have to do something to get my Yoiul gift? This is not how gifts work. I blame Alphas. Omegas should continue to receive effort-free gifts as befitting their status. I paid into the Omega system my whole life. Then these Alphas show up, followed by waves of skill point farming chain migrants, and my benefits are suddenly cut? This is outrageous.They can take our T2 guns, they can take our pirate faction Battleships, but they can never take, our freeeeeeeee…stuff.

Alpha Clones, desperate for ISK, are thrilled to have the opportunity to make hundreds of millions of ISK doing work that Omega Capsuleers will not. “This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for”, Galpaca Clone, a Gallentean Alpha-Class Capsuleer cheered excitedly, “I’ve been working dead-end Level 1 missions for weeks to save up for a VNI. I’m excited to have the opportunity to riot on behalf of such inspirational figures as Mr. MacGirk. I look forward to departing for Nullsec soon after we ‘Burn Jita’ in our Yoiul of Entitled Rage. The opportunity to AFK rat in peace, like a real Omega Clone, is enough to bring tears to my eyes.”

A few grinches attempted to derail this vital and righteous crusade, offering opinions contrary to the dominant screeeeeee. A few even attempted to suggest this change may actually be for the better, or suggest Mr. MacGirk was speaking tongue-in-cheek. One anonymous commenter opined:

The Agency is attempting to give the gift of content. Gankers and Pirates should rejoice that Capsuleers who want to reap the rewards of the Yoiul season must undock and engage in drone fumigation, and that rewards are greater in lower security space. Market moguls can look forward to these novelty gifts having investment value, since the supply requires more effort than simply opening the mail.

The anonymous commenter was quickly downvoted, awox’ed, and relegated to obscurity.

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