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Not Purple? Shoot it!

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Streamfleet recently presented a well-hyped Boys vs Girls PvP battle endorsed by CCP Games, and spearheaded by EVE Online luminaries Manic Velocity and Rahne. The in-game battles proceeded as expected, and were widely streamed; but don’t miss Reload’s edited version on YouTube if you missed it live.

 

Round 1: Cruisers begin after Fleet Commanders spend several minutes reminding everyone to wait for the count down. The repeated chant “Spread Webs! Spread Webs!” finally devolves to “Web Something…” The commands are full of the double entendre so typical of EVE online: “Smoke them in the arse!” “Get on top of the primary!” Discipline breaks down, fleet combat transitions to a score of 1v1 fights, and progodlegend’s stream gets angry because “you approach too much.” A little salt, and plenty of gf in local.

 

Round 2: Destroyers highlight is discovery of a new mechanic. “(elo) Did you burn away with manual piloting?” “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” “That’s emergent gameplay, right there!”

 

Round 3: Kitchen sink is most notable for Korki’s classy exclamation, “I raped it!” and Frank the Bank eloquently bemoaning his friend’s untimely end, as he cries out in grief-filled anguish: “LEAVE ME FRIEND ALONE.”

 

Bonus Round: Manic Velocity vs Rahne is a classic case of the KISS (Keep It Simple, Streamer) principle, as Rahne destroys Manic by simply sending drones to attack his VNI, while Manic spends his time attempting to defang her VNI. Move along, nothing else to see here, folks.

 

The fights are good fun, and the banter is witty, but the real battle here isn’t happening in-game at all. The real battle is in the marketing, and that’s not simply an excuse to point out Manic Velocity’s collection of outstanding gifs for the event, although they’re epic.

Let’s take a look at the marketing, shall we?

Let New Eden decide the battle of the sexes.

The Girls and Boys of EVE Online forget all alliances and loyalties and fight for the pride of their Gender!

Capsuleers all across New Eden are being invited to join their Captains

and fight for the bragging rights in the first ever Gender battle of EVE.

In the blue corner, we have the boys – “Nine Inch Males” – Lead by Manic Velocity, the man with the most punchable face in New Eden.

In the red corner, we have the girls – “Waifus with Knifus” – Lead by Rahne, lover of squirrels, (bad) karaoke and (bad) dancing.

What could be wrong with this? Everyone knows Manic and Rahne are good buddies. Even Mrs. Velocity approves. It’s just good clean fun, right?

What about persons who identify as Genderqueer, Non-Binary, and the like? Where do you stand if you’re neither blue nor red, but a lovely shade of white or purple? What if labeling yourself as “boy” or “girl” makes you want to just go mine in High-Sec? Who do these people get to shoot in the face? Why are these persons excluded from the PEW PEW?! Sure, persons of all gender identifications were welcome on either team, but it’s one thing to be a welcome guest, and another to have a place of your own.

 

FOR BOB’S SAKE PEOPLE, THIS IS YC 120!!!

It’s time for a do-over, Streamfleet.

It’s time to make a place for our friends who identify as neither girl, nor boy.

It’s time for a third way.

Genderqueer persons of New Eden, rise up! Train your Bomb Deployment to IV, and demand Battle of the Sexes II: Red, Blue, and Purple!

Cyno UP, my genderqueer friends! JUMP JUMP JUMP! No need to cloak, you are free to fly in plain sight now! Let fly the bombs at Red and Blue, and come what may! Overheat your drones, and anchor on Logi! Not Purple? Shoot it!

Help us, Bomber’s Bar, you are our only hope!

 

EVE Speedrun Canceled at GDQ

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Popular charity event Games Done Quick recently concluded its SGDQ event, raising just over $2 million for charity. For those not in the know, Games Done Quick is a charity livestream that brings in various video game speedrunners to complete video games in a speedy manner while viewers make donations for charity. However, there is often controversy at such events, such as the exclusion of certain runners and games, and this year is no different.

EVE Online was slated to be played at the event in front of a large audience, but was cancelled soon after the stream began. No exact reasoning was given to the runner, but speculation of the war starting up, and people actually doing something in the game for once, made the RNG too unpredictable, and the speedrun wouldn’t be completed in a reasonable period of time.

“The run was going to be a 100% map exploration” said a disheartened Jermino93, who was going to run the game, “but now people are actually undocking supers; it’s like a whole other game now. It’s as if you practiced version 1.0 of a game, and the developers patched to version 3.3 overnight. My entire route will have to be remade, now.”

He goes on to explain how his route took into consideration the average amount of player activity per system, types of ships active, and security status, among other values. It was a lot easier to map these things out due to how predictable EVE has become. That’s all been shaken up. “I’ve never had this happen before” says Jermino93, amazed at how radically different the game is now.

Not all hope is lost, however. Jermino93 says he has plans for a different type of speedrun come the next GDQ event. “I’m doing my best to reduce RNG for a speedrun to get one billion ISK from scamming in Jita. GDQ should approve this run because they’re real familiar with money-related scams,” were his last words before being escorted off of the GDQ event grounds, along with me and everyone he had spoken to that day.

Stimpacks! by CCPCo!

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After considerable positive feedback concerning the reduction in Jump Fatigue, CCP has officially renounced the new plan. “In the next few days,” says CCP Falcon, “a new item will be available in the PLEX store that will reduce the blue timer created by Jump Fatigue. A stimulant for capsuleers to keep them going for the long haul.”

To be sold individually—and in bundles—these “stimpacks” will enable more rapid capital movement. “Like coffee for truckers,” one dev was quoted. “We hope Stimpacks will allow more rapid hauling for freighters and enable players to engage in capital brawls further from their null fortresses.”

When issues of balance and inequality favoring so-called “wallet warriors” were brought up, CCP stated they plan to up Jump Fatigue timers again, balancing out the reduction offered by these stimpacks.

FRT exec Noraus has been praising the news on Reddit, calling it “a long-time coming that CCP delivers on this hotly debated topic.”

Save Our Galaxy, It’s The Only One We’ve Got!

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One look at the recent MER released from CCP Games, and you can clearly see that asteroids in some regions of the galaxy are on the verge of extinction; at least that’s what some New Eden space environmentalists would have you believe. The New Eden space protection advocacy group, Guardians Of Our Galaxy (GOOG) released a shocking paper this week detailing some highly theoretical armchair science on the rapid depletion of the respawning asteroid belts throughout New Eden. They claim that material can only respawn so many times before the code that is responsible for the construction of these belts becomes too “worn out”. They theorize that this galaxy can only “spawn” a set number of belts. “The galaxy was built to have an end. The citizens of New Eden hasten our very demise by needlessly hyper-mining these belts for the purpose of greed.” The paper goes on to say “The Goons, the PanFams, and the GOTGs need to be stopped! If they won’t do it on their own, then we or even Mother Galaxy will be forced to step in.”

We reached out to CCP Games to verify these claims, that one day our galaxy will leave us high and dry of respawning asteroid belts, but we received only one reply: “42”.

In an effort to get a religious leader’s take on this paper, we reached out to Max Singularity, the Space Pope, who had this to say: “It is in our best interest as humankind that we take in our greatest pleasures that space has to offer. Women, Men, booze, Pope Coins, and even explosions.”

This writer agrees with the Space Pope’s sentiments and hopes GOOG is wrong.

CCP Announces NIP With Star Citizen, is Betrayed Instantly

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Earlier this week, CCP Games CEO Hilmar announced an NIP with Cloud Imperium Games, the development studio of Star Citizen. During the announcement, Hilmar was certain that the two games and their respective developers would coexist in harmony, evenly sharing customers and their space bucks.

However, this humble offer was very quickly shot down by Cloud Imperium Games, as just a few short hours later they announced a new feature to be added to their game, one that may sound quite familiar. “We are pleased to announce a new feature coming to Star Citizen,” begins a tweet from one of the developers. “When you pre-order the Deluxe Collector’s Edition of Star Citizen, you will be given an Enigma Code™. It will be redeemable intermittently in the future for various rewards, including cosmetic clothing and paint jobs for your ships. We would also like to announce our new Star Pass …”

While details are still sketchy about the now ongoing conflict between CCP and CIG, I will do my best to report on what is known so far. CGI struck hard and fast by selling the now-infamous Vulture, a design very similar to the EVE Online Venture. Not only was the designed heavily inspired, but the price tag was ridiculous, and fans of Star Citizen were quick to defend the design of the ship. CCP fired back with their Venture Capitalist bundle, taunting the fact that you could be subscribed to EVE Online for 6 months for the cost of one ship in Star Citizen. Inside sources say CCP is upset that they can’t get away with charging $140 for one ship.

CCP then began the talks of a possible lawsuit, claiming the Imperium existed in EVE long before Cloud Imperium Games existed, and that CIG is very similar to SIG, which the Imperium is well known for. Dozens of potential lawsuits and counter suits have been theorycrafted, simulated, and put on the table, but none so far have gone through; CCP claiming that due to their HQ being in Iceland, they can’t get the formidable swing power of Texas law on their side.

One aspect of this war that neither side saw coming was the Reddit front. Hundreds and thousands of space-faring folk from across multiple galaxies, and possibly even realities, have converged to troll and farm salt in amounts not seen in ages. Both the Star Citizen and EVE subreddits have been placed under martial law. The EVE subreddit trying to figure out if Star Citizen will ever be released, while the Star Citizen subreddit is trying to figure out what Stain is, and why it needs a Lowsec gate.

Holesale Operations Transitions to High-Sec Wardec Corp

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Internet Spaceships Are Serious Businesstm. Holesale Operations, while not in the same category as Hard Knocks (the ‘n’ is silent), L A Z E R H A W K S, Scary Wormhole People, or even MCAV, has earned a reputation as a “legit” wormhole corporation (ZKill 74% Dangerous), frequently ranking high in rolling-holes.com reports (sadly, now defunct thanks to API changes). While often tailing more aggressive and efficient wormhole operations such as HK, LAZERHAWKS, and WiNGSPAN Delivery Services, Holesale frequently finds itself among the top 10 wormhole alliances in ISK destroyed in J-space, and in efficiency.

There’s something new in the works, however.

In 2015, Holesale initiated 0 wardecs. In 2016, 19. In 2017, 7. In the first 5 months of 2018, 10.

In June 2018? 24.

That’s right… 24.

What could cause such a massive change in focus? What is Nykke planning? Why would Holesale abandon J-Space to focus on HighSec Wardecs?

TalisAkijitsu has a theory… Reddit salt. “Holesale is generally at the very least, very competent,” Talis suggested, but WINGSPANTT’s (aka Chance Ravinne) recent interview with “the former wormhole CSM candidate,” TDSIN’s ExookiZ, seems to have triggered Holesale’s sudden shift.

Is it jealousy, as Chance Ravinne throws his 31 alts and considerable influence behind the ExookiZ candidacy? Is it WDS agents decloaking on reddit, claiming to be “wormholer, btw,” despite all assertions by “real” wormholers to the contrary? Is high class J-space in such a poor state as a result of consolidations, as Teufel Morder suggests, that Holesale has to resort to… this? Is there a deeper and more personal reason, perhaps associated with ExookiZ and Chance holding an extended discussion on erections in wormholes?

Nykke suggest they are “just looking forward to having some hisec police roam,” but… 24 wardecs by a “wormhole” alliance? What’s New Eden coming to?

Spanish Players Forget Localization Demands due to Soccer Tournament

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world cup russia 2018 background-2018-background

On Saturday, a group of angry Spanish players attempted to crash a server node as part of a crazy birthday party for the self-declared “Drifter Killer” Ciniel. The party was suspended by CCP before the “sacrifice” could be completed, though some players tried to mask the act as a protest over the lack of a Spanish EVE client, shining light into one of the longest standing and unaddressed player demands in the game behind the proposal to remove ganking from Highsec.

Many of the pilots involved have been banned, including Ciniel himself. This has sparked a new wave of mild protests demanding the immediate unbanning of the “martyrs”; but despite the drama and the smokescreen cause behind it, the voices claiming the translation of EVE to Spanish have suddenly ended, the cause being: A soccer tournament.

Turns out that some sort of soccer tournament is taking place in Russia this month; this could be related to the Russian collusion in the CSM, a topic that we have investigated here at EVE Onion:

https://eveonion.com/russian-collusion-in-the-csm/

The sudden reduction in activity from the Spanish speaking players has been noticed, some even attempting to win EVE during the tournament; the exception being the Chileans. We are still investigating the reason behind it, but it could be related to the unique version of “Spanish” spoken in Chile.

Other players from Hispanic nationalities gave us different reactions to the sudden drop. Peruvians kept missing the question and made off-the-mark comments, while Colombians were enraged over something; it could be related to The gigX, but we forgot to ask. Mexicans were celebrating for some reason even as the tournament began, and Argentineans were complaining about some small island; not the Falklands this time but Iceland, the home of CCP, which seems suspicious. The Spaniards are still missing from the comment department, but an internal source has told me that they are completely absent. This all paints a worrisome picture of the Spanish speaking community in the game leaving for soccer.

Going back to the party that started it all: It was supposed to be an enormous sacrifice to Bob the server with more than 5000 Condors. The planned number was twice as much and the piñata was supposed to be popped by a Marshal Battleship, and all of it streamed live on Twitch in broken English and broken Spanish, but CCP got wind of the act and put a stop to it with bans in the mix leaving behind a lot of angry weirdos.

From Ciniel’s side, he says he’s going to stop playing EVE, even if he gets unbanned. Some players that didn’t take part in the stunt have criticized Ciniel’s actions: “Putooo, you can’t put a defender on the field when you are losing! Pinche huevon”, said elreyazteca—confirmed Mexican by nickname—when asked about it. This topic is becoming increasingly polarizing in the Hispanic community, with the defenders of the banned rallying behind The Mittani for some reason and the opposers just wanting to see the “protesters” burn; but more importantly this dive simulation tournament seems like it’s going to end the Spanish presence in EVE for now.

Abyssal Gambit

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D’nara was sitting in the common room of her Vexor with Asa, a good friend of hers. Asa Rein was a former Sisters of Eve scientist who helped D’nara acclimate to modern life after her ancient consciousness was restored to her cloned body. When D’nara decided to take the life of a nullsec bounty hunter, Asa resigned from her position to follow her.

“What do you think it is?”, D’nara asked, pointing to her telepad, which was showing video from her cargo bay.

“I’m not sure. How did you get this package again?”,; Asa asked.

D’nara put the telepad on the table. ”Some guy came up to me when we were in 1DQ, told me he was a representative for some organization called CCP, and asked if I would be interested in a device that would take us to some sort of unknown space. He told me the unknown was sure to be filled with something of value. When I asked him what it was exactly he told me he wanted a ‘yes or no’ answer.”

“I take it, as the genius you are, you accepted it with no other questions?” Asa said.

D’nara turned in her seat and put her legs up on the table folding her arms behind her head. ”Well of course, journeying into the unknown is kind of my thing. But after I told him ‘yes’, he just turned around and walked away. I never heard from him again so I thought he was just pulling my leg; until the cargo showed up at our docking bay along with this message.”

Asa grabbed the telepad and swiped to the message, then started reading it, ”I guess this is one of those filament devices I heard about on The Scope”.

“And activating it will take us to some unknown pocket of space”, D’nara added.

Asa put the telepad down. “And I take it being the adventurous daring spirit you are, you want to take all of us there”

D’nara looked around the room at the other crew in the room and replied, “I’m not sure yet; I don’t want to rush. I am well aware that I can afford to die, though can’t say the same about you or them. That’s why I want you to do some research and find some more information about it. Put that big brain of yours to work.”

“I’ll try”, Asa said. “But then again it could be nothing…could just be one of those pirates whose brother or friend you killed trying to sneak in a tracking device right under your nose.”

“Maybe”, D’nara replied. “But if that was the case, I don’t think we’d be all by our lonesome right now”.

Just as she said that, a voice came over the intercom. ”D’nara, Asa, I think you two should head up here. We might have company soon.”

D’nara and Asa both looked each other in the eye with Asa saying, ”Maybe you spoke too soon.”

They jumped out of their seats and rushed towards the lift that took them to the bridge. As the doors slid open, D’nara looked around at the crew until centering on Daryll her navigation crewman. “What’s the situation?”

“It seems a Blood Raider fleet has caught on to our trail”, Daryll said. “They are about a minute away from our position.”

“What’s their fleet composition”, asked D’nara as she sat in her seat.

“It looks like five battleships and a handful of cruisers and frigates”, Daryll replied.

D’nara paused briefly putting her hand on her chin. “Damn…set course for the stargate”.

But before the ship could align, a small Astero uncloaked off the ship’s bow, and started to disrupt the ships warp systems.

D’nara stood up from her seat. “I guess we have to do this the hard way”. She walked over to her command pod and opened the hatch. “Prepare to transfer all controls to me”, she said entering the pod. The hatch closed behind her and the neurobiological connections began to connect to the nodes implanted in her clone while the pod filled with fluid. In a matter of seconds D’nara was in complete control of the Vexor and began to lock up the Astero.

However, she was just too late as the Blood Raider fleet came out of warp right on top of her position and began to open fire on the small cruiser. The shields dropped rapidly, but once the Vexor hit armor the dual armor reps started to balance the incoming damage, though barely. D’nara knew she could not take on the whole fleet so she tried to pull range from the battleships by activating her microwarp drive. The Vexor began to pull away from the bulk of the fleet, but the Astero was able to stay on her tail, keeping the ship disrupted. It wasn’t long though until the capacitor of her ship ran out. The main fleet began to close again, with the cruisers opening fire and the long range guns of the battleships mauling the tiny Vexor.

The Vexor was losing armor fast; finally D’nara’s ship had done enough damage to the Astero that it had to disengage. D’nara tried to immediately warp away but while she was no longer warp disrupted a penetrating shot had damaged the ships warp drive. D’nara knew that if she didn’t do something drastic the ships would close and finish her ship off, kill her clone, and more importantly end the lives of her crew and friends.

There were no other options. She decided to use the device that was given her by the shady man in 1DQ. She put through the order to load it into the weapons bay and with barely any time to spare she activated the device, opening a portal which swallowed her ship. In an instant the Blood Fleet and known space faded away and the ship was thrown through a chasm in space-time until it landed in an unknown region of space.

D’nara began to feel tingling in her extremities as an electrical shock began to go through her body. She began to panic as the pain became more intense. On the other side of the pod Asa and Daryll realized something was going on with the pod and rushed over to it and engaged the manual override to open the hatch. The hatch opened; the fluid began to drain spilling all over the deck. The two reached inside and grabbed D’nara disconnecting and removing her from the pod. They placed her on the floor but she wasn’t responsive. “Shit, Asa. What the hell do we do now?”, Daryll asked.

Asa pushed him aside and leaned over to D’naras face and began to give her CPR. At first there was no reaction but after a moment she spit up liquid and began to breath. She stood up frantically looking around. When she finally came to her senses she asked, “What the hell just happened?” Asa supported D’nara by putting her arm around her and holding her up. “There was damage to the ships capacitor and power relay systems. It sent an overload to the pod. We are lucky to have gotten you out when we did. Pod’s fried though. Are you ok?”

D’nara looked at Asa and nodded while Daryll brought her clothes. “It looks like wherever we are we are going to have to get through it the old fashioned way”, he said as he handed her the garbs. D’nara stood up and got into the clothes Daryll had grabbed for her, then walked over to her seat. She sat for a minute before asking, “What’s the status. Where are we?”

Asa walked back to her post and began to take sensor and data readings on the surrounding space. “We are in some sort of isolated pocket of space-time. This is definitely what I saw on The Scope. They call this ‘Abyssal Space’. Sensors read two structures in the immediate vicinity. One looks like it is a gate of some sort…the other seems to be some kind of defense platform”.

“Anything else?” Dnara asked.

“Well…”, Asa began to say with hesitation.

“Well, what”?

“If these readings are correct, there is some sort of abnormal pressure in this space. By my calculations, we don’t have much time until the space collapses on us”, Asa finished.

D’nara looked over at her friend and asked, “How much time?”

“20 minutes tops”

“Shit, what else did you hear about this space on The Scope? Anything that could help us?”, D’nara asked again.

“Those gates on scan lead to other pockets… keep going through and we should end up right where we started” Asa responded.

D’nara dropped her head down and put her hand over her forehead. “So even if we do find a way out of here there, is nothing telling us whether or not we land right back into that Blood fleet”.

As she said that a computer console in front of Asa began to blink red. “Right now is not the time to think of that. The gate just activated. Fifteen frigate class ships just jumped through.”

“This day just keeps getting worse…”, D’nara said. She looked at the ship diagnostic on her seat and saw the ship was still badly damaged. They needed time to get repairs before they could think about taking on 15 ships by themselves. D’nara began to think but there was no time to think.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Daryll. “D’nara, they are closing fast. What do you want us to do?”

The Vexor was a sitting duck; sitting in unknown space severely damaged, outnumbered with hostiles approaching quickly. D’nara didn’t know what do do, but she had to do something and fast otherwise there would be no difference between being destroyed by Blood Raiders in New Eden or being destroyed in an unknown part of the galaxy by a faceless enemy.

CCP Introduces Brutal PvE Content to Drive PLEX Sales

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CCP Games, struggling to regain momentum after departure of several key employees, and the now-publicly announced termination of Rixx Javix’s third party product efforts, introduces deadly new PvE content with May’s “Into the Abyss” expansion, in an effort to boost PLEX sales.

The Dread Pirate Lord Rixx Javix, long noted as the pre-eminent producer and proposer of EVE licensed products, made public his decision to retire from his frustrating attempts to help CCP make money, leaving CCP grasping at straws.

After rejecting what are rumored to be dozens of Javix’s proposals for new revenue streams, CCP CEO Hilmar Veigar* (Wormholer, BTW) found himself forced to transition from rejecting great ideas from others to coming up with ideas his own. Pressure mounted to increase revenue before the close of Q2, and prove his own ideas good enough to justify discarding the Pirate Lord’s. After many hours tied up in closed-door meetings (certainly not mashing d-scan in a C5), Veigar reportedly threw up his hands in frustration, crying “effing Tyrannos,” then bolted from the room in excitement a few moments later, shouting “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” The CCP executive presented his evil plan to take the devastating frustration of loss to an apparently indominitible foe, and the fear of players waiting invisibly to pursue your destruction from the confines of J-Space into all of New Eden. Abyssal Deadspace is proving perfectly suited to fulfil Veigar’s mission, a mission critical to the long term viability of New Eden: “Do whatever it takes to sell PLEX!”

PLEX prices have been steadily declining for months, but prudent investors are already stocking up in anticipation of upcoming rapid inflation. Noted economist, PleaseDontMindMeSir, explains the process:

The player base has lost some 1T ISK worth of ships and modules in Abyssal Deadspace in just the first three days, and zero ISK has been removed from circulation by the same efforts. Asset sinks cause inflation, as the same available ISK pursues fewer assets, whereas ISK sinks reduce inflation, as less ISK chases the same assets.

In addition to assets lost in Abyssal Space, many industrialists are reporting massive losses in modules as they turn perfectly good T2 modules into worthless bricks in an attempt to morph them into something awesome.

Successful delvers of the Abyssal Depths are reaping enormous profits, providing some counter pressure to inflation as buyers pay exorbitant rates for Abyssal modules, but CCP insiders are confident that the net result will be massive inflation, followed by increased PLEX sales, as players find they need fresh reserves of ISK in order to replace their ships and modules, and PLEX the only reasonable shortcut to that end that doesn’t involve the mind-numbing drudgery that is legacy EVE PvE. CCP is so confident their orgy of destruction will fund the remainder of FY2018 that they already held a champagne brunch at company expense.

Early indications are that “Into the Abyss” is on track to be a stunning success for CCP’s evil masterminds of PLEX sales. While PLEX prices are just beginning to creep up, prices on ships suited for T1-T3 A-Holes have already begun to spike. The workhorse Gila has seen a 20% increase in just a few days, despite massive supplies, while the Stratios, Ishtar, Deimos, Sacrilege, and others are hinting at significant gains. Experts project that the Stratios, for example, may approach 300M ISK over the next few days. PLEX prices will surely follow, leading to an increase in players buying PLEX with RL cash in order to fund their spaceship-losing habits, and yet another round of drinks for the CCP staff.

As for Rixx? He remains EVE’s biggest fan, and is ramping up for Steel City EVE III. He’s free to be a PITA (Pirate In The Afternoons) now, no longer slaving away for an unthankful CCP, and free to speak his mind. We may never see an EVE card game, but at least there’s one more pirate undocking to shoot fellow nerds in the face, and that’s what really matters.

* Hilmar Veigar is no relation to Tiny Master of Evil, Veigar. Any similarities such as an endless fascination for the mysteries of the universe,a shared icelandic name heritage, and a determination to be perceived as evil despite a non-threatening and even vaguely cute exterior are entirely coincidental.

Russian Collusion in the CSM!

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Collusion, voter fraud, and smoky backroom deals are all the norm of real world politics. The accusations of such underhanded tactics are common place after real world elections, such as the recent presidential election in the U.S. and Iran. Citizens of any country who participate in the democratic process want to know the way they choose their representatives is fair, and know every vote that was cast was done by an eligible living human citizen.

In EVE Online, a common phrase repeated by players, and the game developer CCP Games, is “EVE Is Real”. Just how real can it be? In the aftermath of the Council of Stellar Management 13 election, maybe more than we would like.

An investigative journalism task force from EVE Onion News lead by OpusMagnum, with the help of freelance journalist Seraph IX Basarab was formed. We started an exhaustive investigation of the rumors that Russian bots under command of the Kremlin infiltrated CCP Games servers, to not only cast multiple votes, but to disrupt real vote calculations. Was this true?

Lead Up to Election Week

In the weeks leading up to the CSM election, several denial of service (DDoS) attacks had been plaguing EVE Online servers. Despite CCP’s best attempts to thwart or minimize the attacks they kept happening. Then they stopped. Was CCP Games finally victorious or had the Russians accomplished their mission? Were the attacks just a diversion as they hacked CCP’s election servers to disrupt the upcoming CSM election? We’ll never know for sure, but one source from within CCP who remained anonymous, said there were “rumblings of concern about the strangeness of the attacks”.

No group ever took responsibility for the attacks.

Enter Brisc Rubal

Why this election? EVE Online has had 12 CSM councils before this one and never once were Russians or bots blamed for the outcome. Sure, there have always been rumors of Pandemic Legion (PL), GoonSwarm Federation (GSF), or CCP Games bias determining the outcomes of elections, but never any outside influences and certainly not anyone unaffiliated with the game.

This led our investigative team to look at this election’s outsiders. A single, but key outlier was staring us—and all of EVE Online—in the face. Brian Schoeneman, real life lawyer and current lobbyist better known by his in-game avatar name Brisc Rubal, was running for a seat on the CSM. Brisc burst onto the scene completely out of nowhere. Instantly, he had a professional website, YouTube video announcing he was running for CSM, and a steady stream of weekly podcast and twitch show appearances. He was the talk of the whole campaign season. Every podcaster, journalist, and twitch streamer wanted to have Brisc Rubal on their show. Most attributed his well-oiled campaign run to his real world experiences. He had run for public office before, and helped run campaigns of others. He had the resume to do exactly what he knew needed to be done to win this video game council election. So, the question in the forefront of our teams minds, did he choose to run leveraging his past or was he chosen to run? That question began to trouble the investigative team.

An Honest Man in a Liars Den

The election was fast approaching and the team had little time to uncover the truth. Seraph reached out to all his contacts in The Imperium and The Initiative for information. Nothing. His usual contacts were either too scared to talk to him or had gone silent. This lead OpusMagnum to reach out to his only source with verifiable ties to the criminal underworld of EVE Online. The infamous founder of Bot Lives Matter (BOTLM), E. Z. ISK.

OpusMagnum and Seraph met with the activist and hero to the oppressed bots of New Eden at the BOTLM HQ in 8TPX-N, a system in the Vale of the Silent region in the North. There, they learned of the shocking disappearances of bots on a weekly basis. Sure, the greater EVE Online community knew of the mass bans by CCP Games and their security team chief CCP Peligro. However, he claimed an even larger number of the disappearances could be blamed on something else. He suspected Russian bot farmers who were looking to replenish their ranks by enslaving free bots out in Null to do their dirty work. Once we started probing for names and other contacts within the Russian bot farmer organization, E. Z. ISK became very nervous and asked to stop the interview.

What could this all mean? Was it even related to our current investigation? We weren’t sure.

The team hit a dead end. What more could we do? So, we did the only thing two guys with a lot of time on their hands would do. Listen to EVE Online podcasts and twitch streams. This is where we found the break within the investigation we needed. Brisc Rubal was the key! Let me paint you a picture of what the team uncovered in this investigation.
The team had done countless interviews with friends, acquaintances, business partners, and even college roommates. The one thing that kept puzzling us was how everyone—even enemies of Brisc—called him honest. This struck us as odd. How could a man praised as being honest and morale be wrapped up in a scandal such as this? The answer was right in front of our noses. Brisc, in many of his CSM interviews stated that it was at the overwhelming nudging of his corp mates, CEO, and other alliance peers that he run for CSM. Brisc was the unknowing puppet in the biggest collusion scandal EVE Online had ever seen!

The R factor

We had cracked the code! At this point we had only one place to go. We had to go outside the EVE Online universe, and into the real world of US politics. We secured a highly secretive and exclusive interview with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. She gave us all the answers we needed. Russians! They were popping up in everyone’s investigations lately. She spoke with 100% certainty that if we kept going we would find them at the end of our investigation as well. With the trusted word of a once high ranking and powerful politician in Washington D.C. and a hunch, we veered focus from Brisc Rubal and pointed our investigation on The Imperium and The Initiative.

The Imperium and Russian alliances have always had a history. They had fought beside each other in The Great War of EVE Online which was chronicled in the book Empires of EVE authored by Andrew Groen. Everyone in EVE knew TheMittani was cozy with real Russians even going as far as to meet with them in real life.

This was the connection! Once we presented our loosely constructed theory to several known affiliates within the underground community of EVE Online, they knew it was just a matter of time before they were caught. In exchange for information, we agreed to keep their names out of this investigative report.

This is where we must be very vague. Once we were sure of our story and the players, we submitted our data to the United Nations (U.N.) and to CCP Games. We were given permission to speak in general tones, but are unable due to the ongoing investigation to say names, dates, or locations.

The story begins with the formation of the CSM. The Imperium—then called the CFC Alliance—wanted to dominate the meta sphere of EVE Online. They theorized that it would take years and years of failed attempts until they would do it, but eventually they would gain a majority hold and keep it. Year after year they were thwarted by CCP or PL. The rules would change from year to year on how the CSM would be run or their one time friends and allies Pandemic Legion would strip seats from them. It was in 2017 that things started to look up for The Imperium. The Judge had been flipped from CO2, giving them a commanding voice within the CSM. Then with the CSM 13 race beginning and the U.S. election investigation heating up with allegations of Russian collusion, TheMittani knew it was now or never to initiate (no pun intended) his plan.

He and others executed the most scandalous collusion of any election inside EVE or outside of it to date and Brisc Rubal would be the conduit. Brisc Rubal was not just any politician: He was a Republican. The very party in which the Russians had a foothold and unknowingly, Brisc was destined to fill this role from the very day he stepped foot into EVE Online. His decisions were not his own; his history in the game hand weaved by the highest levels of The Imperium and Kremlin.

The Math Doesn’t Lie

Our investigative team’s journey was over. We had found the truth. It is a truth that will have unmeasurable impact on the game we play, and maybe even the world. Math doesn’t lie, and to end this report, we will give you a formula by which you and others can use to decide for yourselves if we speak the truth or tell tall tales.

The R out to the side of Brisc Rubal’s real life name does not stand for Republican, but Recruit.

Brisc Rubal’s initials backwards are RB. R + B = Russian Bots.
R + BR = Recruited By Russians.

You do the math. It all points to the scandal of the century.