Wormholer (Erutor), BTW

EVE Onion’s investigative team is pleased to bring you this excerpt from the original draft of the October Balance Pass developer notes.

We said at Fanfest that we wanted to address bizarre behavior by our employees in public places when you combine a warped sense of humor and 500mL vodka bottles, but that is impossible; we will instead focus on what is possible when you combine warp disruption field generators and 500mn Microwarpdrives, because that’s the best way we can think of to really torque off J-Space while driving PLEX sales.

500MN HICTORS!

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you are probably a Highsec carebear, an AFK VNI ratter, or a Lowsec pirate. It is currently possible for Heavy Interdictors to achieve perfect agility and extremely high speeds with warp disruption fields active using a specific combination of modules and activation timings. This allows them to decloak anything in a gate camp, which makes Nullsec significantly safer for botters, while allowing opportunity for successful roams of super annoying nano gangs you can’t kill unless you’re flying an Orthrus.

It’s quite broken and has been in-game too long. In fact, we estimate that 92% of all players who will inject into HICs to facilitate abuse of this broken mechanic have already done so, which means the status-quo is no longer expedient in driving PLEX sales. In this patch we are planning to solve this problem by removing all navigation related penalties from the warp disruption field generator. This does mean that HICs with normal fits will go faster with active warp disruption fields than before, but we don’t see a problem. Faster is better, right?

It’s important that we deliver an appropriate gameplay experience for each of our demographics. NullSec occupants want to make ISK safely, and lose it in staged fights. J-space dwellers have regularly called for the game to be more difficult, especially for Nullsec. We are most successful when we can serve both of these constituencies well with simple changes. We previously reduced the number of connections to Nullsec space from J-space, for example. Now, we are pleased to announce the same sort of win-win with October’s changes to HICs.

With this change, Null Security space does become more dangerous for those holding SOV, since they can no longer gate camp with nearly 100% effectiveness. To offset the sadfaces in Nullsec, we will continue to focus on other QoL improvements to maintain support for Nullsec’s preferred multi-botting and F1 monkey gameplay style. Since it is no longer worth your time to camp gates or roam with HICs—an active playstyle—we suggest Null Sec players feel free to go ahead and inject more Rorqual pilots! We estimate that removing the need to worry about such troublesome work as actively camping gates or learning to applying points and webs to roaming Nano gangs will lead to a 0.84% increase in PLEX sales, which translates directly to greater happiness for our Pearly overlords.

As a bonus, this fundamental change to HICs also ensures the game becomes more dangerous, just as Wormholers asked for. Anyone who complains is clearly a risk-averse “Not Wormholer, BTW.” Besides, we’ve provided a superior alternative to rolling frigate holes! We suggest that J-space dwellers invest in multi-boxing smart-bombing Proteus bots set to activate their bombs immediately upon detecting the wub-wub of hole activation. This will increase the number of explorers killed in J-space, which will drive up exploration loot prices, which will lead more explorers into J-space, in a deliciously wonderful orgasm of destruction estimated to lead to a 0.69% increase in PLEX sales! When we need a cash infusion, we’ll simply ban a few hundred J-space botters, who will immediately buy PLEX on their other accounts to inject new bots. Besides, we have a stock of Proteus hulls, and they’re rotting in Jita. Truly a win-win!

We look forward to the salt these changes will generate on Reddit!

Reykjavik –

CCP Rise has personally addressed the EVE Online community following an unpopular EVE Devblog that stated “wormholers will be unwilling collateral damage” as a result of the October Balance Pass. After consulting with the Council of Interstellar Management (CSM) and prominent wormhole figures, CCP Rise issued the following statement:

“Wormholers of New Eden, we have heard you loud and clear. We have made a mistake. After much discussion with the CSM and concerned parties, I have convinced our team to take another look at the October Balance Pass. Thanks to the CSM, we now understand exactly how critical the Griffin Navy Issue and Widow are to wormhole space and we apologize for making iterations on these ships without recognizing their integral role to many Wormhole operations. Due to the controversy surrounding the ECM changes, the Griffin Navy Issue and the Widow shall be receiving new, SKIN-specific role bonuses that will only be active in Wormhole space. We thank the CSM for their tireless efforts in making sure your concerns are brought to our attention with complete accuracy.”

The role bonuses, which will be detailed in a Dev Blog scheduled for a later date, will make use of ship SKINs that have traditionally only served a cosmetic role in the EVE Online MMORPG. In regards to the Griffin Navy Issue—a ship that would be made all but useless if not iterated upon in conjunction with the October Balance Patch—CCP Rise offered some insight on the bonuses:

“For instance, the Griffin Navy Issue will now receive a probe launcher high slot if an “Exoplanets Hunter SKIN” is applied to the hull. The “Ghostbird” SKIN, on the other hand, will allow it to generate an area-of-effect cloaking field for ships of its size. This should offer a wider range of gameplay options in Shattered Wormholes. By implementing these changes, we believe we can augment the exciting emergent gameplay that has come to characterize wormhole space.”

The Widow, which was also the subject of heavy critique following the original announcement of the October Balance Pass, would also be receiving a similar SKIN-specific role bonus:

“The Widow was a tough ship to adjust, primarily due to its role as a Black Ops battleship. However, we were able to find some interesting niches to offset the effects it would suffer as a result of the balance pass. Firstly, if a Matigu Seabeast SKIN is applied to a Widow hull, a player will have the option to turn their Widow into a special command center that can only be used on Oceanic planets located in C3 Wormholes and above. We are going to keep a close eye on it but we want to start it off with a 5% powergrid and 5% CPU bonus. We know that you love using your Widows for running Sleeper Sites, but this role bonus should also make it a common sight for your Planetary Interaction setups. The next SKIN we are introducing is the Raata Sunset SKIN—once applied, this SKIN will allow the Widow to make a one-ship connection, regardless of mass, to any Wormhole in New Eden as long as it is adjacent to an “End-of-Life” Wormhole. Finally, we will be introducing a new SKIN called the Remember Caldari Prime SKIN for the Widow, which, when activated, will allow the Widow to expend its fuel bay to close a Wormhole of any size. A limited release of this SKIN will be available initially for 4,000 PLEX and will be available to players who purchased tickets for Fanfest 2018 and EVE Vegas 2018 .”      

The announcement was applauded by CSM members. In the words of Suitonia: “CCP has once again reaffirmed their commitment to the player community. These changes don’t just answer wormholers directly, they provide exciting new opportunities for wormhole space.” Brisc Rubal was also in agreement, sharing that the SKIN role bonus concept was a unique solution, adding that, “Wormholers brought a minor problem to CCP’s attention and in response they’ve gotten what they’ve been asking for all this time. People like to say that the CSM is out of touch with players, but if anything, this proves just how important the CSM actually is.”

Earlier this month, the internet nearly broke when EVE Online developer CCP Games announced that it would soon be acquired by Pearl Abyss. Theories emerged, speculation was rampant, and flame wars are still being fought today over the announcement. It is still a touchy subject, one with minds greater than I are attempting to debate. However, unbeknownst to many, was where the buyout money would be spent.

“As you know, running an online game is basically no cost.” Says CCP Games CEO Hilmar Pétursson. “There was a big debate over where the funds should go.  One suggestion we all liked was from CCP Falcon, who opined we spend all the cash on alcohol. You know, the good stuff. Someone else suggested we move the HQ to the Moon, but we felt that the commute would have been problematic for some employees, and the CSM.”

Unfortunately for the team at CCP, another publisher, EA Games had much more sinister plans for the money. “So, we’ve really been into football here at the office.” says an employee that wished to remain anonymous. “Naturally, someone brought over their copy of FIFA 18, and right away almost everyone got involved. We had an office-wide tournament—the season was going to reset when FIFA 19 came out—so everyone was trying incredibly hard to win. That’s when the money started flying out the window.” Our interviewee is of course referring to “FIFA Ultimate Team Packs” which are glorified loot boxes. “It started innocently enough, somebody bought one just to try it out, and got a top-tier goalie. Suddenly it became an arms race of ridiculous proportions.”

Sure enough, just two weeks later, every single cent of the $425 million acquired from the acquisition was gone. “That made me realize something,” Hilmar says “this is such a great option for players to have, we need to implement it into EVE as soon as possible. It’s the ultimate player choice, right? Either work hard for your spaceships, or spend some money to get things at random. It’s fair and balanced because everyone CAN buy loot boxes. It doesn’t mean you have to, but the option is there. We really want to model our system after the great success of Electronic Arts. They look Belgium right in the face and say ‘so what if we’re breaking your law, we’re a game company, damn it!’ It’s great. Now that we have Pearl Abyss and their legal teams backing us, I really think we can start swinging our weight around more.”

While Hilmar excitedly ran off to begin discussing loot box implementation in EVE, I was told by a CCP representative to expect an exciting series of patch notes relating to the new system soon. I, for one, can’t wait to spend 250 PLEX on a chance at unboxing a legendary Avatar, and instead receiving a skin for the Rokh.

Seoul, Reykjavík

In a stunning turn of events following the public outcry over many EVE Online players being treated as “unwilling collateral damage,” Pearl Abyss CEO Robin Jung has ordered freshly-acquired CCP Games to suspend a “balance pass” previously scheduled to be released in October. “Pearl Abyss is committed to engaging with the player community and reviewing player feedback, for without players, we as developers would be out of a job. This culture extends throughout all of Pearl Abyss and our subsidiaries and we will not tolerate poor decisions that threaten the health of the player communities we have worked so hard to cultivate.”

Seeking to reassure investors during a quarterly shareholders’ meeting, Jung expressed dismay at CCP’s lack of public relations expertise. “It is utterly embarrassing for a company to refer to some of its own players as ‘unwilling collateral damage,’ and it is for that reason that I reluctantly invoke the veto power established in Article Six.”

Article Six of the “Acquisition Agreement Concerning Pearl Abyss and CCP Games” outlines the procedure by which Pearl Abyss, as the majority owner of CCP Games, can suspend the “creative independence” established in Article One of the same document. Notably, this invocation of the veto power can only be exercised through unanimous agreement of the Pearl Abyss Board of Directors, indicating that Jung did not issue the declaration unilaterally—and likely over the objection of CCP.

Under normal circumstances, Article One governs the unique relationship between Pearl Abyss and CCP Games, in which the former allows the latter to develop pre-established IPs such as EVE Online with full creative independence. However, as Jung explained to shareholders, Article Six provides the boundaries within which that creativity must abide. Furthermore, it supplies Pearl Abyss with a great amount of flexibility for how to handle emergent breaches of creative conduct, with remedies ranging in seriousness from ordering a simple review of policy to outright removing CCP developers, employees, or executives from the company.

In this case, Jung—and the Pearl Abyss Board of Directors—selected a relatively light sanctions package. In a statement issued by the Chairman of Pearl Abyss, Dae-Il Kim, “The Pearl Abyss Board of Directors hereby unanimously orders CCP Games to suspend the release of the ‘October Balance Pass’ until further notice, to establish player-led focus groups to analyze, review, and propose amendments to the ‘October Balance Pass’ as currently published, and to issue an immediate apology for insulting a significant portion of the player population. At the heart of this order, we expect CCP to listen to its playerbase.”

Despite what some observers in Reykjavik are calling a “heavy-handed” response disproportionate to the offense, Jung struck a forgiving and optimistic tone. “CCP Games has much to learn about how to properly treat players. We can either choose to see them as a piggy bank or walking wallets, or as living, breathing people who share in the creative storytelling and development of our games. It is a long and arduous process but I remain confident that CCP will continue to learn and grow in this regard.”

Reykjavik – The “Burn Jita” riots have long been recognized as a triumph by EVE Online players against unpopular CCP practices. During the riots, players traveled to the Jita trade hub and continually bombarded an in-game structure until the lag was so unbearable that CCP had to reverse on a range of issues. Today, however, according to leaked CCP documents, and in light of player outrage over the October Balance Pass, CCP has been testing an innovative idea—cutting players off from Jita completely.

The leaked email, supposedly written by Hilmar Veigar Pétursson, titled “Greed is Good But Revenge is Better,” was confirmed through anonymous channels within CCP and independently verified with the CSM. This revelation indicates that CCP had communicated the new policy to the CSM at a prior date, though it was not confirmed if the memo had been drafted in a previous form at the time of the CSM summit in early September, or if a new draft had been issued following player outcry to the October Balance Pass.

The memo marks a shift in CCP’s policy when interacting with the player community.

“I want to begin by thanking everyone who had to handle the childish screams of our players after the announcement of the changes in October. At the same time, I want you to know that I have been working with our server technicians and executive producer to ensure that we will retain full control of our game. During the week of September 24, we will be testing out a new concept—shutting down Jita. This will send a message to the buffoons that we will not tolerate being forced to change our development plans and schedules. They are all about to become ‘unwilling collateral damage.’ Now, our first few tests may seem game-wide, but we’ll make some small iterative passes to limit loss of access to Jita.”

Responses to the e-mail from CCP and the CSM, represented through CCP employees quoting them, were largely positive.

“To be quite honest, I don’t know why we didn’t think of this in the first place,” wrote CCP Falcon, lead community organizer, “When the screeching gets so bad we have to change our patches, why don’t we just kick them where it hurts and shut down Jita?”

CCP Rise, who had amended the October changes in an attempt to ameliorate wormhole players, wrote, “Finally! Dealing with those idiots was a complete waste of time! Also, Jin’Taan wanted me to tell everyone he loves these new policies. Has everyone read his kickass INN article?”

Responding to CCP Rise, Hilmar wrote, “Yes I did! It’s good to see a CSM with some balls. Make sure he gets a position next year even if you have to fudge some numbers.”

Although the current tests were too successful in that the entire game was affected, according to CCP back channels, additional iterations will be made so that the only system affected will be Jita along with the wider Forge regional market. Nullsec alliances, already alerted to the policy through their CSM representatives, have created a bartering economy through the contract system to insulate them from reliance on Jita. A player coalition of wormholers, highsec carebears, and lowsec groups is allegedly forming to protest the changes, but without a Jita to “burn,” it is unlikely they will be able to sway CCP policy.

“This acquisition will be excellent for CCP, for our games, and especially our players,” Hilmar Veigar Pétursson, CEO of CCP Games, said cheerfully as he patted the server hardware sitting next to him on an Icelandair flight to Seoul the morning of September 9, 2018. Speaking to reporters on Saturday, EVE Online’s slowest time of the week, Péturrson assured those gathered that any disruptions in service for CCP’s hit sci-fi MMORPG would be barely noticeable.

That was before the CCP team missed the connecting flight to Seoul in London’s Heathrow Airport.

“I’m not sure we are going to make it,” Hilmar said impatiently as the CCP Dev Team slowly snaked its way through Heathrow’s byzantine queues and transportation services, laden with backpacks of their office belongings from Reykjavik while carrying or pushing server equipment. Looking back over the caravan of polo-clad staff and employees, Pétursson muttered to reporters, “It may not have been a good idea to do an office move at the same time as a server transfer.”

In order to better accommodate the move and to provide as little disruption to EVE Online as possible, twenty percent of the server architecture was left behind. A senior CCP server technician, speaking on condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the Pearl Abyss acquisition, stated, “We believed that twenty percent would be sufficient, considering the traditionally low player turnout on weekends and the numbers of players who had reported they were unsubscribing and uninstalling our client over the last few days.”

Expecting that the lower player population would translate into less stress on the servers, the remaining twenty percent was designed to primarily accommodate Jita station traders, players using the autopilot feature, and to support the monetary transactions on the EVE Online website. When players began activating modules, undocking their ships, and transferring items between hangars, however, the remaining architecture began to cascade in failure.

Players immediately noticed the slowdown in service. The r/Eve subreddit was especially active in voicing disappointment, with many users lamenting they might “have to go outside.” Players purportedly from Australia, on the other hand, believed the lag to be a new game feature designed to equalize latency.

At the gate, the CCP team let out a collective sigh of traveler’s disappointment as they watched their British Airways flight depart for Seoul. After taking nearly half a day to navigate through Heathrow, the team was exhausted. Server equipment and office supplies were heaped in the waiting area while CCP staff worked to book the next earliest flight to Seoul, though British Airways was unprepared to accommodate such a large party on any flights for some time.

CCP Falcon attempted to take to the forums to address user concerns, but his responses were delayed by up to thirty minutes or more. CCP Guard, who had been carrying server equipment under both arms and had subsequently disappeared behind the stacks of equipment, could not be reached for comment. When pressed on when he believed the servers would be back online, Péturrson declined to answer directly.

“All acquisitions have unexpected situations and we just need to be patient,” Péturrson said as he opened his smartphone to a surface vessel shipping company’s website.

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