U.S. District Court Judge Roman Jablonski issued a restraining order today preventing players of the aging MMO Eve Online from playing other online games. The restraining order was requested by a consortium of MMO’s and online games including League of Legends, Elder Scrolls Online, World of Tanks, and more.
“The Eve Online playerbase is riddled with sociopaths, sex offenders, pedophiles, morons, stooges, and Dunk Dinkle,” the restraining order stated. “While it is true that the playerbases of the games requesting this order are full of toxic shitbags, I have, in my 26 years on the bench, never seen a more pathetic gathering of aberrant nerds.”
The restraining order prevents all current Eve Online players from joining other online games but does allow users to play in single-player mode.
“This is an outrage! We are a calm, peaceful playerbase,” one player said in a Reddit post with over 2,000 upvotes. “If the restraining order is not lifted, we will have no choice but to employee peaceful means of resistance, including doxing, swatting, contacting employers and feeding them malicious and false information, harassing loved ones, issuing death threats, mailing threatening items, and generally vilifying those who have wronged us until they want to commit suicide…
“Wait, who are we threatening again? Sorry, there are so many people I’m personally at war with I lose track of who I’m threatening sometimes.”
Judge Jablonski is currently reviewing the option to have the toxic Eve Online playerbase removed to the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Repository in Nevada for long-term storage. However, the Environmental Protection Agency has stated they are against this plan as they worry the playerbase will damage the nuclear waste already stored there.
[…] Judge Issues Restraining Order Against Eve Playerbase […]