In a shocking turn of events, Eve Onion, the satirical news organization of New Eden, has won The Scope off the HyperNet Relay. The HyperNet, infamous for its “spontaneous wealth redistribution” mechanics, saw Eve Onion take The Scope in a 0.01 ISK snipe that will go down in capsuleer gambling history.
“This is a new era for unbiased journalism,” said Eve Onion spokesperson Opus Magnum in a press release from an unanchored Keepstar in Jita. “The Scope has been boring and ‘fact-based’ for too long. We think it’s time for a new voice not afraid to tell the truth, at least a funnier version.”
The win was made possible by CCP Games’ relentless promotion of The Scope on the Hypernet Relay as “an ethical isk sink.” Bitter vets, station traders, and industrialists who were too busy with spreadsheets to care poured trillions into the relay, but Eve Onion came out victorious with a 0.01 ISK gamble.
By the time the last ticket was drawn, Eve Onion had won The Scope, a pack of frozen Quafe Zero, and a Rorqual blueprint.
“Honestly, we were just going for the blueprint,” said Opus Magnum. “Winning The Scope was a happy accident. And by ‘happy accident,’ we mean it’s a carefully planned narrative arc to piss off everyone equally.”
True to form, Eve Onion didn’t waste any time rebranding The Scope. The network’s new tagline, “Where Truth is Just Another Commodity,” was unveiled during an impromptu press conference in a local chat in the Sinq Laison. The Scope’s sleek visuals and neutral tone were replaced with colorful overlays, clickbait titles, and a holographic ticker displaying wildly inaccurate market predictions.
