Last week, on the night of its long awaited revival, the EVE Onion server crashed in a most mysterious fashion. After hours spent rebooting and fruitless emails to the web hosting site, EVE Onion’s owner, OpusMagnum had no choice but to wait until contacted by the host. Early this week, when contact was finally made, the host was quoted as saying, “we were able to trace the issue to either a suburb of London, or Iceland.” When he heard this, Opus’ first thought was, “CCP!”
Why would a company with strong ties to the Onion deliberately cause havoc? We reached out to CCP’s headquarters in Reykjavik and spoke with CCP Karkur, the general manager. “I really don’t know anything about your outage”, she stated, and continued, “and even if we did cause it, what would we gain from it? Our relationship with the Onion has always been cordial.”
Ten minutes later, we received an anonymous call from what sounded like an Icelandic woman. Some listeners—who also requested anonymity—believe the caller to have been CCP Punkturis
“Never believe anything Karkur says. Even her own mother doesn’t believe her! I know why your server was crashed. It was all the sarcasm and mockery! She couldn’t take it anymore, so she researched and found your host. She used company resources to crash the server,” the possible-Punkturis hissed.
We were dumbfounded. CCP, our best friend in the EVE universe turned against us. We only meant the best for our meal ticket friend. How were we to ever look them in the face again? We may not have all the answers now, but when we do, we’ll bring them to you EVE Onion-style!
