Luminaire – The Gallente Federation capital system of Luminaire was bustling with activity as roleplayers from around the cluster arrived for the annual ERP Awards Ceremony— “The LEWD’s.” Pilots from all major role playing factions were present, though journalists had difficulty gaining access to the venue due to the various cybernetic appendages, enhancements and body modifications sported by the attendees, which obstructed the entrances. Security drones patrolling the venue created a jamming field to prevent the photographing of the almost exclusively female capsuleer audience.
The hostess for the evening was breast physics advocate Niraia, who provided a brief opening statement on bounciness before allowing the festivities to commence. Coincidentally, rumor has it that observers from CCP Games’ parent company Pearl Abyss were in attendance, collecting data on the demand for a Black Desert Online physics engine to be introduced to Eve Online. The ceremony was staccato’ed by various performances and live readings of up-and-coming erotic roleplayers, many of whom were participating for the first time.
Categories for the awards included “Best Use of Anatomically Inaccurate Appendages,” “Best Erotic Scene in Local,” “Most Creative Use of Fleet Chat,” and “Best Written Paragraph.” The ceremony, however, was not without rough patches. Earlier this week, controversy sparked when the Awards Committee determined that this year—like every year beforehand—were too few male characters in the pool to issue an award and announced the creation of a new category: “Best Performing Actress (who is actually a woman).” Much to the surprise of the Awards Committee, the pool of contestants was even smaller than that of male characters and thus retracted the category before the ceremony began.
The evening was not all about fun and games however, as many protesters took to the streets outside of the venue in support of an alleged love affair involving Empress Catiz Tash-Murkon I and Sanmatar Maleatu Shakor. The particular pairing features heavily among role players as one of the most likely avenues for peace in New Eden. Protesters clashed violently with police, who provided a cordon to protect counter-protesters. Intriguingly, this group of counter-protesters was made up of denizens of the Amarr Empire and the Minmatar Republic, who managed to find common ground by opposing the fetishization of both heads of state. Among the counter-protesters were the ISD Team and CCP Delegate Zero, who silently shook their heads at what had become of the lore they had painstakingly written.
The awards ceremony finally culminated with the winner for “Best Sex Scene,” which involved multiple participants and a Fedo. Although a live-action re-enactment was scheduled, the organizers cut the ceremony short as the venue had already ran out of plastic wrap for the seats.
