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Abyssal Gambit

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D’nara was sitting in the common room of her Vexor with Asa, a good friend of hers. Asa Rein was a former Sisters of Eve scientist who helped D’nara acclimate to modern life after her ancient consciousness was restored to her cloned body. When D’nara decided to take the life of a nullsec bounty hunter, Asa resigned from her position to follow her.

“What do you think it is?”, D’nara asked, pointing to her telepad, which was showing video from her cargo bay.

“I’m not sure. How did you get this package again?”,; Asa asked.

D’nara put the telepad on the table. ”Some guy came up to me when we were in 1DQ, told me he was a representative for some organization called CCP, and asked if I would be interested in a device that would take us to some sort of unknown space. He told me the unknown was sure to be filled with something of value. When I asked him what it was exactly he told me he wanted a ‘yes or no’ answer.”

“I take it, as the genius you are, you accepted it with no other questions?” Asa said.

D’nara turned in her seat and put her legs up on the table folding her arms behind her head. ”Well of course, journeying into the unknown is kind of my thing. But after I told him ‘yes’, he just turned around and walked away. I never heard from him again so I thought he was just pulling my leg; until the cargo showed up at our docking bay along with this message.”

Asa grabbed the telepad and swiped to the message, then started reading it, ”I guess this is one of those filament devices I heard about on The Scope”.

“And activating it will take us to some unknown pocket of space”, D’nara added.

Asa put the telepad down. “And I take it being the adventurous daring spirit you are, you want to take all of us there”

D’nara looked around the room at the other crew in the room and replied, “I’m not sure yet; I don’t want to rush. I am well aware that I can afford to die, though can’t say the same about you or them. That’s why I want you to do some research and find some more information about it. Put that big brain of yours to work.”

“I’ll try”, Asa said. “But then again it could be nothing…could just be one of those pirates whose brother or friend you killed trying to sneak in a tracking device right under your nose.”

“Maybe”, D’nara replied. “But if that was the case, I don’t think we’d be all by our lonesome right now”.

Just as she said that, a voice came over the intercom. ”D’nara, Asa, I think you two should head up here. We might have company soon.”

D’nara and Asa both looked each other in the eye with Asa saying, ”Maybe you spoke too soon.”

They jumped out of their seats and rushed towards the lift that took them to the bridge. As the doors slid open, D’nara looked around at the crew until centering on Daryll her navigation crewman. “What’s the situation?”

“It seems a Blood Raider fleet has caught on to our trail”, Daryll said. “They are about a minute away from our position.”

“What’s their fleet composition”, asked D’nara as she sat in her seat.

“It looks like five battleships and a handful of cruisers and frigates”, Daryll replied.

D’nara paused briefly putting her hand on her chin. “Damn…set course for the stargate”.

But before the ship could align, a small Astero uncloaked off the ship’s bow, and started to disrupt the ships warp systems.

D’nara stood up from her seat. “I guess we have to do this the hard way”. She walked over to her command pod and opened the hatch. “Prepare to transfer all controls to me”, she said entering the pod. The hatch closed behind her and the neurobiological connections began to connect to the nodes implanted in her clone while the pod filled with fluid. In a matter of seconds D’nara was in complete control of the Vexor and began to lock up the Astero.

However, she was just too late as the Blood Raider fleet came out of warp right on top of her position and began to open fire on the small cruiser. The shields dropped rapidly, but once the Vexor hit armor the dual armor reps started to balance the incoming damage, though barely. D’nara knew she could not take on the whole fleet so she tried to pull range from the battleships by activating her microwarp drive. The Vexor began to pull away from the bulk of the fleet, but the Astero was able to stay on her tail, keeping the ship disrupted. It wasn’t long though until the capacitor of her ship ran out. The main fleet began to close again, with the cruisers opening fire and the long range guns of the battleships mauling the tiny Vexor.

The Vexor was losing armor fast; finally D’nara’s ship had done enough damage to the Astero that it had to disengage. D’nara tried to immediately warp away but while she was no longer warp disrupted a penetrating shot had damaged the ships warp drive. D’nara knew that if she didn’t do something drastic the ships would close and finish her ship off, kill her clone, and more importantly end the lives of her crew and friends.

There were no other options. She decided to use the device that was given her by the shady man in 1DQ. She put through the order to load it into the weapons bay and with barely any time to spare she activated the device, opening a portal which swallowed her ship. In an instant the Blood Fleet and known space faded away and the ship was thrown through a chasm in space-time until it landed in an unknown region of space.

D’nara began to feel tingling in her extremities as an electrical shock began to go through her body. She began to panic as the pain became more intense. On the other side of the pod Asa and Daryll realized something was going on with the pod and rushed over to it and engaged the manual override to open the hatch. The hatch opened; the fluid began to drain spilling all over the deck. The two reached inside and grabbed D’nara disconnecting and removing her from the pod. They placed her on the floor but she wasn’t responsive. “Shit, Asa. What the hell do we do now?”, Daryll asked.

Asa pushed him aside and leaned over to D’naras face and began to give her CPR. At first there was no reaction but after a moment she spit up liquid and began to breath. She stood up frantically looking around. When she finally came to her senses she asked, “What the hell just happened?” Asa supported D’nara by putting her arm around her and holding her up. “There was damage to the ships capacitor and power relay systems. It sent an overload to the pod. We are lucky to have gotten you out when we did. Pod’s fried though. Are you ok?”

D’nara looked at Asa and nodded while Daryll brought her clothes. “It looks like wherever we are we are going to have to get through it the old fashioned way”, he said as he handed her the garbs. D’nara stood up and got into the clothes Daryll had grabbed for her, then walked over to her seat. She sat for a minute before asking, “What’s the status. Where are we?”

Asa walked back to her post and began to take sensor and data readings on the surrounding space. “We are in some sort of isolated pocket of space-time. This is definitely what I saw on The Scope. They call this ‘Abyssal Space’. Sensors read two structures in the immediate vicinity. One looks like it is a gate of some sort…the other seems to be some kind of defense platform”.

“Anything else?” Dnara asked.

“Well…”, Asa began to say with hesitation.

“Well, what”?

“If these readings are correct, there is some sort of abnormal pressure in this space. By my calculations, we don’t have much time until the space collapses on us”, Asa finished.

D’nara looked over at her friend and asked, “How much time?”

“20 minutes tops”

“Shit, what else did you hear about this space on The Scope? Anything that could help us?”, D’nara asked again.

“Those gates on scan lead to other pockets… keep going through and we should end up right where we started” Asa responded.

D’nara dropped her head down and put her hand over her forehead. “So even if we do find a way out of here there, is nothing telling us whether or not we land right back into that Blood fleet”.

As she said that a computer console in front of Asa began to blink red. “Right now is not the time to think of that. The gate just activated. Fifteen frigate class ships just jumped through.”

“This day just keeps getting worse…”, D’nara said. She looked at the ship diagnostic on her seat and saw the ship was still badly damaged. They needed time to get repairs before they could think about taking on 15 ships by themselves. D’nara began to think but there was no time to think.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Daryll. “D’nara, they are closing fast. What do you want us to do?”

The Vexor was a sitting duck; sitting in unknown space severely damaged, outnumbered with hostiles approaching quickly. D’nara didn’t know what do do, but she had to do something and fast otherwise there would be no difference between being destroyed by Blood Raiders in New Eden or being destroyed in an unknown part of the galaxy by a faceless enemy.

CCP Introduces Brutal PvE Content to Drive PLEX Sales

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CCP Games, struggling to regain momentum after departure of several key employees, and the now-publicly announced termination of Rixx Javix’s third party product efforts, introduces deadly new PvE content with May’s “Into the Abyss” expansion, in an effort to boost PLEX sales.

The Dread Pirate Lord Rixx Javix, long noted as the pre-eminent producer and proposer of EVE licensed products, made public his decision to retire from his frustrating attempts to help CCP make money, leaving CCP grasping at straws.

After rejecting what are rumored to be dozens of Javix’s proposals for new revenue streams, CCP CEO Hilmar Veigar* (Wormholer, BTW) found himself forced to transition from rejecting great ideas from others to coming up with ideas his own. Pressure mounted to increase revenue before the close of Q2, and prove his own ideas good enough to justify discarding the Pirate Lord’s. After many hours tied up in closed-door meetings (certainly not mashing d-scan in a C5), Veigar reportedly threw up his hands in frustration, crying “effing Tyrannos,” then bolted from the room in excitement a few moments later, shouting “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” The CCP executive presented his evil plan to take the devastating frustration of loss to an apparently indominitible foe, and the fear of players waiting invisibly to pursue your destruction from the confines of J-Space into all of New Eden. Abyssal Deadspace is proving perfectly suited to fulfil Veigar’s mission, a mission critical to the long term viability of New Eden: “Do whatever it takes to sell PLEX!”

PLEX prices have been steadily declining for months, but prudent investors are already stocking up in anticipation of upcoming rapid inflation. Noted economist, PleaseDontMindMeSir, explains the process:

The player base has lost some 1T ISK worth of ships and modules in Abyssal Deadspace in just the first three days, and zero ISK has been removed from circulation by the same efforts. Asset sinks cause inflation, as the same available ISK pursues fewer assets, whereas ISK sinks reduce inflation, as less ISK chases the same assets.

In addition to assets lost in Abyssal Space, many industrialists are reporting massive losses in modules as they turn perfectly good T2 modules into worthless bricks in an attempt to morph them into something awesome.

Successful delvers of the Abyssal Depths are reaping enormous profits, providing some counter pressure to inflation as buyers pay exorbitant rates for Abyssal modules, but CCP insiders are confident that the net result will be massive inflation, followed by increased PLEX sales, as players find they need fresh reserves of ISK in order to replace their ships and modules, and PLEX the only reasonable shortcut to that end that doesn’t involve the mind-numbing drudgery that is legacy EVE PvE. CCP is so confident their orgy of destruction will fund the remainder of FY2018 that they already held a champagne brunch at company expense.

Early indications are that “Into the Abyss” is on track to be a stunning success for CCP’s evil masterminds of PLEX sales. While PLEX prices are just beginning to creep up, prices on ships suited for T1-T3 A-Holes have already begun to spike. The workhorse Gila has seen a 20% increase in just a few days, despite massive supplies, while the Stratios, Ishtar, Deimos, Sacrilege, and others are hinting at significant gains. Experts project that the Stratios, for example, may approach 300M ISK over the next few days. PLEX prices will surely follow, leading to an increase in players buying PLEX with RL cash in order to fund their spaceship-losing habits, and yet another round of drinks for the CCP staff.

As for Rixx? He remains EVE’s biggest fan, and is ramping up for Steel City EVE III. He’s free to be a PITA (Pirate In The Afternoons) now, no longer slaving away for an unthankful CCP, and free to speak his mind. We may never see an EVE card game, but at least there’s one more pirate undocking to shoot fellow nerds in the face, and that’s what really matters.

* Hilmar Veigar is no relation to Tiny Master of Evil, Veigar. Any similarities such as an endless fascination for the mysteries of the universe,a shared icelandic name heritage, and a determination to be perceived as evil despite a non-threatening and even vaguely cute exterior are entirely coincidental.

Russian Collusion in the CSM!

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Collusion, voter fraud, and smoky backroom deals are all the norm of real world politics. The accusations of such underhanded tactics are common place after real world elections, such as the recent presidential election in the U.S. and Iran. Citizens of any country who participate in the democratic process want to know the way they choose their representatives is fair, and know every vote that was cast was done by an eligible living human citizen.

In EVE Online, a common phrase repeated by players, and the game developer CCP Games, is “EVE Is Real”. Just how real can it be? In the aftermath of the Council of Stellar Management 13 election, maybe more than we would like.

An investigative journalism task force from EVE Onion News lead by OpusMagnum, with the help of freelance journalist Seraph IX Basarab was formed. We started an exhaustive investigation of the rumors that Russian bots under command of the Kremlin infiltrated CCP Games servers, to not only cast multiple votes, but to disrupt real vote calculations. Was this true?

Lead Up to Election Week

In the weeks leading up to the CSM election, several denial of service (DDoS) attacks had been plaguing EVE Online servers. Despite CCP’s best attempts to thwart or minimize the attacks they kept happening. Then they stopped. Was CCP Games finally victorious or had the Russians accomplished their mission? Were the attacks just a diversion as they hacked CCP’s election servers to disrupt the upcoming CSM election? We’ll never know for sure, but one source from within CCP who remained anonymous, said there were “rumblings of concern about the strangeness of the attacks”.

No group ever took responsibility for the attacks.

Enter Brisc Rubal

Why this election? EVE Online has had 12 CSM councils before this one and never once were Russians or bots blamed for the outcome. Sure, there have always been rumors of Pandemic Legion (PL), GoonSwarm Federation (GSF), or CCP Games bias determining the outcomes of elections, but never any outside influences and certainly not anyone unaffiliated with the game.

This led our investigative team to look at this election’s outsiders. A single, but key outlier was staring us—and all of EVE Online—in the face. Brian Schoeneman, real life lawyer and current lobbyist better known by his in-game avatar name Brisc Rubal, was running for a seat on the CSM. Brisc burst onto the scene completely out of nowhere. Instantly, he had a professional website, YouTube video announcing he was running for CSM, and a steady stream of weekly podcast and twitch show appearances. He was the talk of the whole campaign season. Every podcaster, journalist, and twitch streamer wanted to have Brisc Rubal on their show. Most attributed his well-oiled campaign run to his real world experiences. He had run for public office before, and helped run campaigns of others. He had the resume to do exactly what he knew needed to be done to win this video game council election. So, the question in the forefront of our teams minds, did he choose to run leveraging his past or was he chosen to run? That question began to trouble the investigative team.

An Honest Man in a Liars Den

The election was fast approaching and the team had little time to uncover the truth. Seraph reached out to all his contacts in The Imperium and The Initiative for information. Nothing. His usual contacts were either too scared to talk to him or had gone silent. This lead OpusMagnum to reach out to his only source with verifiable ties to the criminal underworld of EVE Online. The infamous founder of Bot Lives Matter (BOTLM), E. Z. ISK.

OpusMagnum and Seraph met with the activist and hero to the oppressed bots of New Eden at the BOTLM HQ in 8TPX-N, a system in the Vale of the Silent region in the North. There, they learned of the shocking disappearances of bots on a weekly basis. Sure, the greater EVE Online community knew of the mass bans by CCP Games and their security team chief CCP Peligro. However, he claimed an even larger number of the disappearances could be blamed on something else. He suspected Russian bot farmers who were looking to replenish their ranks by enslaving free bots out in Null to do their dirty work. Once we started probing for names and other contacts within the Russian bot farmer organization, E. Z. ISK became very nervous and asked to stop the interview.

What could this all mean? Was it even related to our current investigation? We weren’t sure.

The team hit a dead end. What more could we do? So, we did the only thing two guys with a lot of time on their hands would do. Listen to EVE Online podcasts and twitch streams. This is where we found the break within the investigation we needed. Brisc Rubal was the key! Let me paint you a picture of what the team uncovered in this investigation.
The team had done countless interviews with friends, acquaintances, business partners, and even college roommates. The one thing that kept puzzling us was how everyone—even enemies of Brisc—called him honest. This struck us as odd. How could a man praised as being honest and morale be wrapped up in a scandal such as this? The answer was right in front of our noses. Brisc, in many of his CSM interviews stated that it was at the overwhelming nudging of his corp mates, CEO, and other alliance peers that he run for CSM. Brisc was the unknowing puppet in the biggest collusion scandal EVE Online had ever seen!

The R factor

We had cracked the code! At this point we had only one place to go. We had to go outside the EVE Online universe, and into the real world of US politics. We secured a highly secretive and exclusive interview with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. She gave us all the answers we needed. Russians! They were popping up in everyone’s investigations lately. She spoke with 100% certainty that if we kept going we would find them at the end of our investigation as well. With the trusted word of a once high ranking and powerful politician in Washington D.C. and a hunch, we veered focus from Brisc Rubal and pointed our investigation on The Imperium and The Initiative.

The Imperium and Russian alliances have always had a history. They had fought beside each other in The Great War of EVE Online which was chronicled in the book Empires of EVE authored by Andrew Groen. Everyone in EVE knew TheMittani was cozy with real Russians even going as far as to meet with them in real life.

This was the connection! Once we presented our loosely constructed theory to several known affiliates within the underground community of EVE Online, they knew it was just a matter of time before they were caught. In exchange for information, we agreed to keep their names out of this investigative report.

This is where we must be very vague. Once we were sure of our story and the players, we submitted our data to the United Nations (U.N.) and to CCP Games. We were given permission to speak in general tones, but are unable due to the ongoing investigation to say names, dates, or locations.

The story begins with the formation of the CSM. The Imperium—then called the CFC Alliance—wanted to dominate the meta sphere of EVE Online. They theorized that it would take years and years of failed attempts until they would do it, but eventually they would gain a majority hold and keep it. Year after year they were thwarted by CCP or PL. The rules would change from year to year on how the CSM would be run or their one time friends and allies Pandemic Legion would strip seats from them. It was in 2017 that things started to look up for The Imperium. The Judge had been flipped from CO2, giving them a commanding voice within the CSM. Then with the CSM 13 race beginning and the U.S. election investigation heating up with allegations of Russian collusion, TheMittani knew it was now or never to initiate (no pun intended) his plan.

He and others executed the most scandalous collusion of any election inside EVE or outside of it to date and Brisc Rubal would be the conduit. Brisc Rubal was not just any politician: He was a Republican. The very party in which the Russians had a foothold and unknowingly, Brisc was destined to fill this role from the very day he stepped foot into EVE Online. His decisions were not his own; his history in the game hand weaved by the highest levels of The Imperium and Kremlin.

The Math Doesn’t Lie

Our investigative team’s journey was over. We had found the truth. It is a truth that will have unmeasurable impact on the game we play, and maybe even the world. Math doesn’t lie, and to end this report, we will give you a formula by which you and others can use to decide for yourselves if we speak the truth or tell tall tales.

The R out to the side of Brisc Rubal’s real life name does not stand for Republican, but Recruit.

Brisc Rubal’s initials backwards are RB. R + B = Russian Bots.
R + BR = Recruited By Russians.

You do the math. It all points to the scandal of the century.

NCdot Line Member Kicked for Lack of “Space Bushido”

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NCdot corporation, Burning Napalm [SM3LL] has kicked the exceptional scout and warp-in Interceptor pilot Sarah Sharp from their ranks, after she refused to type “GF” in local. CEO White Aero, a giant among PvP’ers and leaders within the alliance said that he “would not accept dishonorable actions such as not typing ‘GF’ in local.” The 95 player fleet Sarah was gate camping with had just finished blowing up a newbro NPC corporation pilot’s Heron and their pod in the system of Gehi. An audit of the local chat logs was done later which caught the deplorable act and the Council of Honorable Space Bushido was informed immediately. White Aero said his hands were tied and he did what he had to in order to keep his corp in the elite PvP alliance. He did say “We (NCdot) are a proud entity in EVE Online, and we must practice with the utmost rigor the time honored tradition of typing “GF” after any guns have been loosed onto the field of battle and someone had to be the example of what happens when you let your principles lapse. Sadly, it was Sarah”. White Aero did go on to say that he had enjoyed Sarah’s time in the corp, wished her well, and that TEST was recruiting.

We did try and interview Sarah for her side of the story, but her only response to our questions via EVE mail were “GF”.

Eve Online: Battle Royal

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This morning, in a completely unexpected announcement from CCP HQ, we have learned of the latest project to come from the Icelandic developer. Being cited as the “most original and groundbreaking” idea ever, it plans on shaking up the games market in a major way. Eve Online: Battle Royal, abbreviated EO:BR, combines elements of survival, quick-thinking, and the ever present ruthlessness we all know and love from the Eve universe.

“The concept is very simple,” begins CCP Games CEO Hilmar Veigar Pétursson, “you are placed in an Abyssal deadspace pocket with 99 other capsuleers, starting with nothing but a pod, and one goal— survive.” The match ends when there is one capsuleer, or squad of capsuleers remaining. Within the deadspace pocket are dozens of celestial bodies, each of which has various cargo containers, hack-able containers, and abandoned ships. With skill, and a little luck, you will scavenge your way to a fighting capable ship and hunt down or evade your fellow pilots.

Modules such as cloaks are unobtainable in this mode, and hiding on the outskirts of deadspace is ill-advised, due to an ever-expanding cloud of gas that begins to fill the pocket. This prevents players from safe-spotting and hiding for the duration of the match. Occasionally, wormholes will appear and deposit highly valuable cargo and ships. This adds extra tension and risk vs reward to something so noticeable and coveted to the players.

The match always concludes at an epic showdown at the Sun in the center of the deadspace pocket, as all battles should. In these final hectic moments, the pilots will use every resource they’ve gathered in an attempt to claim the coveted “Quafe Dinner” victory.

For those looking for more of a challenge, there is “Hardcore mode”, which drops all of your learned skills to 0, and you must train them in response to what you find in space. Start right next to a shiny Retribution? Best train your Amarr Frigates to 5! These matches will be designed to last for weeks to months on end to allow for a true, gritty survivor experience. Directional scanning can only be done once every 60 seconds, and repair items will be scarce.

EO:BR will be in closed beta soon; if you sign up by the end of the week, you’ll receive an exclusive cosmetic shirt for your capsuleer that does nothing except that it can be looted by people that kill you!

INN, Concerned for Market Share, Shifts Strategy to Emulate EVE Onion

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In a bid to bolster efforts to attract and retain their audience after the release of BATTLETECH, and after failing in their bid to purchase EVE Onion, Imperium News Network launches into satire. Paramemetic’s 2018.05.15 article, PANDEMIC LEGION STRATEGICALLY ADVANCES OUT OF PROVIDENCE marks the next step in The Mittani’s effort to dominate EVE media at all costs.

Clearly under editorial pressure to emulate EVE Onion’s inimitable style, Paramemetic presents the Pandemic Legion evacuation as engaging in a “rapid strategic re-deployment to a yet-unknown, certainly unfortunate region of space.” The INN writer goes on to attempt satire, stating “PL’s PVP skills truly shined, as they expertly avoided not only any confrontation they couldn’t win, but even some confrontations they could have.”

Rumor has it EVE Onion authors, appreciative of Paramemetic’s efforts, began pressuring OpusMagnum to either immediately recruit Paramemetic away from INN, or use EVE Onion’s bottomless coffers of unassailable wealth to buy out INN. “That’s OUR article. Paramemetic just published it to the wrong outlet,” one writer whined. “INN is already a parody of real news; if they start publishing parody of parody, the Inception-like recursion may cause the universe to collapse,” another tinfoiled.

Sadly, some INN readers seemed oblivious to Paramemetic’s genius. Comments from those with insufficient INT implants responded with such pithy gems as, “You truly understand how to grasp two large journalism b***s and stroke the PL s***t.” Others were more appreciative, taking time to comment positively after they recovered from side-splitting laughter, and cleaned up the coffee they spewed all over their expensive mechanical keyboards.

Ever the diplomat, Opus took a conciliatory approach, reportedly comforting his disturbed staff with a cat GIF, then promised that competitors in the parody and satire market are more than welcome, and only serve to stoke the flames of passion for quality content among our highly discerning readership. Senior management was similarly encouraging: “You’re three article behind,” said Editor-in-Chief, Lillik Eoner, “make the overlords happy and submit.”

Join Destructive Influence Today!

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LadyScarlet, CEO of Destructive Influence [DICE.], has created a new recruitment campaign for her corporation within NC. alliance, and has unveiled the “Friend of Matterall” medal. This medal is exclusive to Destructive Influence members only. The medal was inspired after Matterall, of Talking in Stations fame, became the victim of a SNUFF bait citadel trap a few months ago. Matterall attempted to use his vast connections and fame within EVE Online to try and get out of the snare but it failed, costing him a jump freighter and his pride. The “I’m Matterall” meme was born after the transcript of the in-game conversation was posted on Reddit.

“I’m a friend of Matterall” became the rallying cry of victims everywhere. LadyScarlet hopes this recruitment drive will bring the highest quality of recruits EVE has to offer because, “Who wouldn’t want to make their friendship with Matterall official?” Matterall, friend of EVE Onion, was unavailable for comment.

EVE Online—The Sound Update

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Riding high on the celebration of Eve’s 15th anniversary, CCP Games’ commitment to “the second decade” is bringing forth sweeping changes to the game we know and love. Long-time fans of the game have praised it for numerous reasons, however one negative that is constantly brought up is the lack of sound in EVE. All of this will soon change with the upcoming “Paracusia” update.

Unsurprisingly, one of the first things you may hear with this new update is Aura, the ever-helpful, annoyingly-persistent AI of your ship. CCP went with an interesting, albeit fitting actress for such a role: They employed Kaori Mizuhashi (the voice actress of Navi in the Nintendo classic Ocarina of Time). Reprising her role as a high-pitched assistant character, she really nails the part.

Just in time for upcoming CSM elections, advertisements on the large electronic billboards in stations and in space will now be fully voiced by their respective candidates. Confirmed participants in this program so far include Dunk Dinkle, Brisc Rubal, and Jin’Taan, in no particular order. CCP has confirmed the ability to deactivate these advertisements will be purchasable in the New Eden Store.

EVE, for the last 15 years, has committed itself to realism, depicting the vacuum of space as it is: noiseless and cold. Now with the new update, every weapon and module will have its own dedicated group of sounds with which to use while being activated/fired. CCP will also make sure that Wormhole space will have its own suite of sounds and music that is “better in every way possible” to Null-security.

CCP Games is also making a monumental effort to cooperate with various player based entities, such as the Imperium. This will allow for specific actions in-game to have music dynamically play when such events occur. For example, when a large number of Imperium ships enter a system, “Flight of the Bumblebee” will begin to play, for reasons as of yet unknown.

Speaking of dynamic soundtracks, various superstar musicians will be contributing their monumental talent towards the Eve Online soundtrack. the artists involved include Smashmouth, Rick Astley, and the Molvanian pop sensation Zladko “ZLAD!” Vladcik. Rumored guest appearance from an “Uncle Suas” is yet to be confirmed.

Paracusia, coming to a set of stereo speakers near you, Q3 of 2018!

A Fathers Hope: Birth of a Capsuleer

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While D’nara Atreides was roaming the streets of the Amarr capital, she came upon a crumpled note that piqued her interest. It read:

“In the beginning, all things were as one.

God parted them and breathed life into his creation

Divided the parts and gave each its place

And unto each, bestowed purpose”

-“The Scriptures, Book I 1:4”

Son, I once took these words to heart. With all of my soul, I believed that our divine empire led by its great Emperors and Empresses would fulfill that purpose. To take over those lesser races and dominate the galaxy bringing our enlightenment to all creation. But those were different times. And now I find my faith wavering. What purpose did the Drifters serve? To smite the faithful? To kill our Empress? To turn the galaxy which was destined for our glory into ash? If our purpose was ever to destroy those who oppose the divinity of our God, then certainly his will would be on our side against foes such as these…

I have to ask, where was His will when the Drifters invaded New Eden laying siege to systems from the Outer Ring all the way to our home in Domain? Was it God’s plan for our Empress Jamyl to be mercilessly slaughtered by these heretics? I was there when those brave Capsuleers—who so many look down upon in disdain—took up the mantle to defend civilization, while the great empires sat paralyzed. Powerful as the menace was it was the capsuleers, not the Empire who found the way to defeat the incursions into our home. The capsuleers devised a dangerous and risky plan to trick the Drifters into engaging them with a weak force. After they widdled away enough of the Drifter overshields, the capsuleers jumped in larger ships and sent the Drifter scum back into the abyss. I remember the day when your uncle came to me telling me he volunteered to fight beside the capsuleers. After hearing the plan, I too decided to join the cause as a medic on a Guardian in one of the fleets. I was there when thousands died sacrificing themselves in Coercers and Thrashers in order to drive off the Drifter hordes. I remember the horror of the medical bay that day; the sound of people crying out in anguish and pain; the sight of men and women who had just lost arms, legs, flesh burned from their skin. The scent of death; that bitter aroma still hangs in my nostrils and haunts me in my sleep. I also remember the day I received your uncle’s body with condolences from the Sub-Zero Fleet Command… Where was God’s divine will then?

Now I hear that a ship has appeared in Yulai. Piloted by CONCORD sure, but rumor has it that whoever built these ships may be responsible for the damaged and derelict Drifter ships being found around the galaxy. This mysterious species may even have the Drifters on the run. If I had to guess, I would say they will run here. We will be prepared and waiting for them this time, but what if their foes follow? Millions died only to stall the Drifter menace. I fear that was only the beginning. If these Triglavians or whatever they choose to call themselves are powerful enough to defeat the Drifters with such ease then I fear we stand little chance against such power. A powerful force like that could either be our savior or the harbinger of our doom.

We stand here at the edge of unknown darkness, and I will no longer trust the scripture to protect us. I no longer believe it is the Amarr who have been chosen by God. If the Drifters or whatever else lies beyond come in force, it won’t be the Amarr that save New Eden nor their God. When they come it will be the capsuleer who defends the breadth of humanity. Dark days lie ahead, my son, and I fear for your future. It is for this reason I have chosen to disregard our faith. I am sorry, I must do this. Just remember, I do it for you, your mother, and your sister. Tomorrow, I will have my consciousness transferred and my body cloned. For this action, I will be looked upon as a heretic and un-pure. I know your grandfather will use whatever means necessary to attempt to change my mind, and for that reason I have to leave for a long time. Know that I love you, and I hope I can have some part in securing your future. I know this will be hard for all three of you, but I hope you understand that we can no longer wish for hope. We must be that hope. We can no longer rely on God’s will or our Emperor for strength and safety. We must find it within ourselves. Take care of your mother and sister.

Love,

Your Father

D’nara looked up at the large house the letter probably came from, and saw it was abandoned. The fate of the family mentioned in the note is anyone’s guess.

 

Into the Abyss Prepping EVE for a Total Conversion to Dungeons & Dragons

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The upcoming “Into the Abyss” expansion, slated for release May 29, is bringing a tremendous amount of changes to New Eden. New ships, new modules, even a new weapons platform and module augmentation system. Those on the testing server have noted other, stranger things hidden within the codes. For one, the ammunition type for the Triglavian weapons is odd, being labeled as bottles. This led to further investigations, and what was discovered was very interesting indeed.

Some of our greatest hopes and dreams will soon become reality; as it seems Into the Abyss isn’t a content update, but a foundation for something greater. “Out of the Abyss, and into the Dungeon” is the current working title for the true summer expansion. EVE Online is going to become totally converted into the 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons system by Wizards of the Coast. Some of the finer details that we know of will be discussed below.

The first and the most important thing will be updates and changes to the capsuleers of EVE. The current five attributes will be converted to an appropriate attribute in the following manner:

Intelligence and Charisma will remain the same.

Willpower will become Constitution.

Perception will become Dexterity.

Memory will become Wisdom.

The noted absence of the Strength attribute will need to be rolled upon character conversion, using the method of 4d6, dropping the lowest number. Rolls of 1 are NOT allowed to be rerolled.

Your character’s level will be determined by total skill points at the time the patch occurs. Any excess skill points will be rewarded as xp towards the next level. EVE Online “skills” will become D&D skills, and any character with a 5 in a skill will be considered proficient with that skill. Skills with an “Advanced” version of the skill, such as Advanced Target Management trained to 5 will receive Expertise in the skill. Many skills will be homogenized to allow the various classes to remain balanced; encouraging players to choose whichever class they wish, and still have a pleasant experience.

Capsuleers being converted will have the option to manually choose their class, or to have it selected via an algorithm that will select their class based on their favorite ship to fly. For example, pilots that enjoy the stealth bomber experience will be recommended the Rouge class; meanwhile, logistics pilots will be Clerics.

The conversion will also include information to help fleet commanders transition to dungeon masters, as well as several adventure modules. These modules include an interesting adventure for characters between 4th and 8th level that delves into the conflict between the Drifters and the Triglavians. They will face difficult challenges in combat as well as diplomacy.

In addition to skill homogenization, many modules will be reworked to fit along with established items. T1 modules will now have the 1 stripped from the end, meanwhile T2 modules will become “Module +1”. For example, “Rapid Light Missile Launcher I” will simply become “Rapid Light Missile Launcher”, whereas “Rapid Light Missile Launcher II” will become “Rapid Light Missile Launcher +1”. Navy, Officer, and Deadspace modules will become +2, +3, and +4, respectively. Meanwhile, most named meta modules will be removed, save for a few that will become rare, magic items. (We’ve already uncovered “Mordenkainen’s Compact Invulnerability Field”, for instance.)

At long last, my two favorite hobbies are merging together into a glorious union, and I can’t wait for it to happen. I hear it’s going to be a real pain to get a hold of a proper model for a Vexor Navy Issue, though.