After “a lot of healthy conversation” in response to how the player base “shared their thoughts” with CCP Games, CCP rolled back recent changes to drone behavior and Wightstorm data sites. Drone bunnies rejoiced and un-cancelled their accounts. Those planning to spend hours customizing Cyberpunk 2077 character genitalia while their drones killed pirates found a new lease on life. Those feverishly running copy jobs on the Nightmare BPOs that accidentally dropped from the data sites were less thrilled, but unsurprised. All is well. 

Or is it?

Evidence is growing that CCP planned all along to generate and respond to outrage. A software industry veteran suggested that: 

“CCP may have decided to invest in apology marketing. By creating a problem, then solving it quickly, companies create the illusion of responsiveness. Studies show that a well-crafted apology boosts response to special offers presented within a few days of the apology, resulting in a net increase in sales. This is particularly effective in the case that competitors are struggling to respond to their own problems. The benefits to the company appear to extend even beyond the next round of special offers. By creating a situation less desirable than the status quo, such as occurred in the case of changes to drone behavior, the status quo becomes more desirable by comparison. When the behavior reverts to the status quo, this is perceived by those affected as a positive change. For a subset of those influenced to perceive the status quo more favorably by comparison to the alternatives, their long-term opinion is measurably shifted towards the positive.”

A game designer, speaking on condition of anonymity, offered this perspective on CCP’s potential apology marketing:

 “Well, maybe so, but the skins are really nice, and do you see complaints about EVE Online’s buggy XBox One and PS4 version? No. Do you see problems with doors not opening or character wardrobe malfunctions during gameplay? No. Do you see problems with respawning mid-combat or enemies who see you through walls? Not since May 2016. And, have you seen the Zakura Zakitsu exploration suits? What a great way to welcome Japanese players to a game that hasn’t had a problem with the game crashing as they walked through a door for more than three years.”

In unrelated news, /u/StainGuy is rumored to have given his personal approval to the decision to roll back changes adding a low-sec gate to Stain after the QA team reported that the gate seemed to be Wi-flagged for a perpetual Electrical Metaliminal storm and relentless camping by insta-locking diamond Sansha rats.

Now available in the Merch Store are new, delectable dishes from the New Eden universe all cataloged in the first ever EVE Online food magazine! At long last, foodie capsuleers can purchase a handy subscription for the most popular foods from across the Empires, and beyond. The first issue alone contains more than 17 delicious dishes for the home capsuleer-cook!

The recipe magazine, New Eden Cuisine, dropped on the storefront, exciting many players. With recipes this good, surely we’ll all stop ordering out so much! Nearly every dish has origins from each of the Empires: Federation Freedom Fries, Brutor Fedo Bites, Amarrian Communion Wafers, and Caldari Nutrient Paste #4—sure hits among enthusiastic chefs! That’s not all though, the magazine will also offer a variety of choice meals for pirates such as Blood Raider Boudain or Serpentis Tenders. From savory to sweet, New Eden Cuisine has recipes for all occasions—with that EVE Online flair we all crave! 

In addition to the recipes, there will be lore and background origins to each dish. CCP confirmed that every dish will also be canon in New Eden’s timeline. This led to speculation of in-game food items appearing in the near future. How exciting! The only downside? There are no Imperial measurements within the first issue, and no word on conversions from metric to be included in future issues. Sorry, Americans! 

The magazine is currently planned for issue monthly to subscribers, and can be purchased through the Merch Store with renewing payment plans. The first issue and subscription for the year 2021 is listed for €99.50. If you act fast and subscribe within the next 48 days, you can save 20% with a special Yoiul deal! That’s only €79.60 for a year subscription! Monthly subscribers will pay €14.95/month for each issue. Pick up your yearly subscription before this special holiday offer expires!

All of #tweetfleet is abuzz, as Niden, of Snuffed and Crossing Zebras fame (that’s zeh-brahs, for the yanks) teased a return to EVE Online. 

The tease escalated quickly, as Niden almost immediately committed to guest articles and opened art commissions even while trying to pull strings to get access to an EVE Online account. 

Never known for “letting it go,” pundits were quick to drag out old gossip. “Oh, yeah, sure, Niden returns as soon as the partner program re-launches. You know it’s all about that RMT,” one bittervet opined. “Just watch, as Crossing Zebras re-dates articles to qualify for the program.”

Ashy, of AshyIn.space offered this perspective, clearly taunting Niden to return to the editing game with a trio of typos:

“I’m super excited about Niden’s return. He was the entire reason I started writing (for CZ) in the first place back when I flew with him in Villore Accords. Without that experience of writing for cruising zebras, my own site never would have existed in the first place!

That said, no pressure on Noden to live up to the editor in chief be used to be. EVE can be stressful and all-consuming sometimes and I hope he doesn’t burn out again.”

Less than 24 hours later, Niden’s battle station is ready to go. This image, allegedly from a recently re-activated Goonswarm Federation observation system, suggests Niden is completely off the wagon.

Will Niden undock and die horribly? Will Crossing Zebras return? Will nerfs to drone combat bring back more bittervets who stepped away sick of ganking AFK VNIs and Ishtars?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Niden is pronounced NEEEEEEEden

In a recent devblog, CCP announced the addition of popular “emotes” to EVE Online and EVE Echoes chats which were added this past patch; the effects are already generating concern. Since the implementation of unicode shortcuts that automatically display associated images (“emotes”) there has been a notable decrease in dialogue between pilots. This is not to say the chat isn’t used, but that it’s being used almost strictly for emote spamming. 

Initially, players expressed excitement on the forums and elsewhere regarding the news. The CSM even unanimously applauded the news as “not harmful”. Wild speculation about which emotes would be added started to circulate among the usual media, with many hoping to see the popular “pepehands” and “pog” make the cut. Surprisingly, nobody was disappointed, as even alliance logos made it into the new code along with many classic berachs and popular EVE Streamer emotes. 

It wasn’t long, however, before people started to notice problems. At first everyone was amused when an Intel chat would fill with pogs after an elite home defense Nyx pilot posted a “dank Rifter frag”, or a roaming gang would spam their logo in local to send Ishtars scrambling for tether. 

However, a troubling trend quickly settled in. Rather than usual trash talk, chiding, or friendly banter players began simply posting emotes in local. Alliance and corp chats became back-and-forths of :smith: and :unsmith: when fleets would ping, then stand down. Streams of :pogchomp: :spod: would echo through standing fleet chats. Soon enough nobody was saying much of anything else. 

There’s been debate on Reddit and many pings to devs regarding this, though the question remains unanswered: Do emotes constitute a substitute for actual conversation? While many complex ideas can be relayed through appropriate emotes, some complain that communication has broken down and the game suffers from it. Others dismiss these concerned Eden citizens as boomers. CCP is not actually expected to follow up and address these concerns, so we must simply watch as local scrolls by with “MMDs” and ”FatBees” at breakneck speed. 

The Caldari Outer Worlds Astronomical Research and Discovery Survey has recently revealed that Caldari systems just disappear from space sometimes. As many Caldari citizens have noticed over the last few months, some systems of Caldari space have simply vanished without a trace. All communications to these systems ceased abruptly and attempted space lane travel has been cut off. While there was wild speculation that these systems were conquered by the invading Triglavian forces, the Caldari government would like all citizens to know that this is not the case. A recent survey has revealed that “Caldari systems just disappear from space sometimes”.

“The science here is all very new and theoretical, but it appears that in some cases a system claimed by the Caldari people will cease to exist,” reported Karl Spinster, lead astronomer of the survey. “We’ve watched the phenomenon closely these last months and while other empires have had systems disappear too, it seems that our Caldari space is just a little more likely to see the strange occurrences.”

When questioned about the possibility that an alien force may have claimed these systems and destroyed the incoming stargates, Karl replied “That is entirely outside the realm of possibility! We have confirmed reports that our glorious and heroic EDENCOM forces stopped the invading Triglavian scum at every pass! Hurrah!”

According to official news releases, the Caldari Government was first informed about the possibility of “disappearing space” several months ago when Sakenta suddenly vanished from The Forge region. Alarmed by the potential ramifications, all resources that could be spared were devoted to determining the cause of the loss.The Caldari Outer Worlds Astronomical Research and Discovery Survey (C. O. W. A. R. D. S) was launched, quickly packing on the light years as they rushed to study other systems that had disappeared. 

After five months of survey and many grueling hours poring over data from every possible outer world, the Survey team struck gold when the Amarr controlled system of Niarja also underwent a disappearance. Heroic EDENCOM forces defeated the invading Triglavians and their sympathetic capsuleer supporters only to have the system vanish before their eyes. 

To date, 16 Caldari systems have experienced the phenomenon. A breakdown of other empires’ losses includes four Amarr systems, five Gallente systems, and two Minmatar systems. There is currently no clear explanation for why Caldari systems disappear more often; Government Officials claim that there is no cause for alarm.

“It is highly likely that we will see these systems re-emerge in the next year or so and all have a good laugh at the little peek-a-boo game!” said Karl.

While a full explanation as to why this happens has not been given, the C.O.W.A.R.D.S are confident they will find the answers needed with enough time, patience, and government support. 

Celebrations can be heard across numerous station brothels and bars throughout New Eden following the latest in plans for occupied systems by the Triglavian Collective. “Praise to our Triangle Overlords” could be heard chanted through many nullsec boarding cities.

A spokesperson for the Collective announced a plethora of Mega-infrastructure projects during a regular public address, but all were quickly pushed out of focus at the mention of the Bahromab stargate within the Niarja system being redirected to the Stain system of LC-1ED  to support the Triglavian offensive against Sansha’s Nation. Raids on Triglavian controlled abyssal dreadspace by the Nation have spurred the stargate appropriation. Further details of allied capsuleer participation in future “Sansha quelling” operations were mentioned among the elated cries of the observing crowds.

The Collective, not realizing the gravitas of the announcement, was quickly bombarded with calls of support from numerous coalitions and alliances throughout null security space. Pledges of materials, manpower, structure production capacity, and logistics flooded in overwhelming Collective liaisons in Niarja. Pro-Collective hackers quickly economized on the situation, plastering propaganda posters across as many stargate and station billboards as possible before CONCORD quickly clamped down on the intrusions. Similar posters calling for support of the Collective and their efforts to bring about “The Holy Staingate”. Paper forms and leaflets rapidly started to appear in all manner of places and local governments with authorities struggling to contain the outbreaks.

No timelines have been outlined, but it is certain that such an opportunity to gain further support by the cut-throat capsuleer population in New Eden will not go unexploited by the Triglavian Collective. Critics of the Collective have remained quiet, knowing that voicing concerns would fall on deaf ears, as well as potentially undermining efforts to reduce public support for the collective. EDENCOM was expected to offer a counter response, but was equally shocked as the public at the announcement.

The Amarr Empire was also caught off guard by the announcement as their stargate to Stain was recently put on hold following invasions to their sovereignty and the major disruptions that followed. Rumours whisper out of The Empress’s government of rushed plans to restart the project and capture capsuleer support first.
StainGuy, a vocal, long time advocate for a low security route to the Stain Constellation, regained consciousness in a Mindflood Rehabiliation Clinic in Querious, and commented:
“I can’t believe this is happening! I just can’t even right now!”

It’s very busy at Goonswarm War HQ, but EVE Onion was able to pull a favour and get a sit-down with TheMittani to see how things are going with World War Bee 2.

EVE Onion: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to …

TheMittani: Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, I’m very busy and important. Get to the questions. We already know how lucky you are to talk to me.

Right. Down to business. Do  you….

Hey, hang on. I was told this wouldn’t be published ‘til after I say it can be published. This is some next level shit I’m shoveling. You’re gonna keep this under wraps until I say it can be released, right?

Uh, yes, for sure.

What’s your name? I’m comin’ after you if there’s any problems. Don’t think this war protects you from my wrath!

Uh, OpusMagnum. That’s o – p – u…

Yeah, yeah, I’ve written it down. I can write, y’know. I’ll have viruses deployed to your computer and your house under surveillance within the hour. Now get on with it.

There are people calling this the, “To Bee or Not To Bee” war. Does this spell the end for Goonswarm?

This alliance has been going strong for 10 years. We bring other alliances down, they don’t bring us down. Are you even old enough to remember Band of Brothers? They were the real nuisance in the game. Now there’s a new one, this PAP TEST or Trouser Snake coalition or whatever they’re calling themselves these days. Well, let me tell you this, son, they ain’t gettin’ anywhere near Fortress Delve. They think they’re doin’ damage because that’s what I want them to think.

So these epic clashes in Fountain and Querious…

Skirmishes. See, I didn’t want Team Pap Smear

I think it’s “Anaconda Coalition” now

Whatever, I don’ wannem thinkin’ nobody’s livin’ in those areas at all. We staged a proper pull-out at just the right time but left just enough for them to think they so clever and caught us. They’re wasting time kicking some castles while we sit back and enjoy the show.

Ok, so you’re executing your rhythm method as planned, but you’re losing hundreds of billions in these “skirmishes”.

Yeah, that’s nothin’. Didn’t you see the contract that was sent over? It was worth a TRILLION. Do you even know that word?

But what you have and what the market will bear are two very different things.

WHAT?! You tryna be funny?? I just go Jita sell. Do you even EVE?

Ok, so you have limitless reserves…

Damn right.

…but why throw away assets when you could just “pull out”, as you put it, and be ready in Delve?

Ok, this is where we go next level. Y’know when you’re fightin’ someone and you let the shields go a bit lower or you undock the Orca, be like, “oh, I didn’t realize I was undocking while an enemy fleet was near”. That’s called “baitin’”. That’s what we’re doin’ right now. We baitin’ the One Eyed Snake Coalition to think they got us in a corner.

Oh, I see. You want to make sure they commit and by the time they realize they’re stretched too far, you will easily defend your homefront while launching a counter-offensive on their own, weakened turf?

Yeah, something like that. What’s this counter offensive thing?

I think I’ve taken up enough of your time. Are there any thoughts you’d like to leave with our readers?

The swarm is coming, the bees know how to win, your anaconda don’t.

Tokyo Technology Expo, Tokyo – Acclaimed and a much loved by the public Elon Musk let slip during a Q&A session with automotive experts that some of the most critical code that drives the green machines that are Tesla cars is from none-other than Eve Online. A South Korean startup that specializes in self-driving cars and, more specifically, networked self-driving and self-learning cars, asked about sections of lengthy convoluted and seemingly pointless code blocks in the open-source code driving Tesla cars. 

Elon was reluctant to share any more information about the game code driving his company’s cars but after a Toyota representative said they would extract the code and license the more efficient code out, he burst into a suddenly panicked state. “No! Leave the code be! You have no idea what horrors await once the code is removed! It is the only thing protecting us from machine armageddon!!” Elon muttered to himself with a panicked look and hollow eyes as all the blood drained from his face. “The footage still haunts my dreams after we let loose a Tesla without the code…all those children…so…so…much anger…we had to put it down before it got out of containment.”

Elon then rushed out of the conference leaving shocked experts to awkwardly sit in the silence that followed. Elon was seen eyeing a parked Tesla with great fear before getting into a Subaru Impreza whispering that it won’t hurt him, he can “feed it directly…quelch its hunger.”

For those not in the know, POS code is a much joked about programming in the MMORPG game, Eve Online, that is blamed for almost any and all bugs and issues that plague the game. The code governs structures that used to be the industry backbone of the game but are now relegated to the single task of being protective outposts. Whether there is a concern to be had following the strange outburst of Elon Musk has yet to be seen. But maybe the reason the game developers keep the code and shared it in the first place is a very important one to humanity at large.

CCP Games head CCP Hilmar couldn’t be reached for comment at his low-tech home in Iceland, as he unexpectedly broke away from all forms of technology three years prior. He now spends his time erecting scarecrows made from the bones of washing machines and cars to ward off the “machine twilight” he has told concerned game enthusiasts who frequent his home.

Setting the record straight, the person who bombed Seddow’s FC chat stream was NOT Seddow’s dad, OK? There’s been a lot of memeing and laughs directed at our esteemed exec, and the joke has run its course. It’s time to let this case of mistaken identity go. 

As you all surely saw, Seddow appeared on Pando’s FC Chat stream, full neckbeard and all with camera angle giving view of the doorway behind him. It was during this stream a person one could, yes, I admit, fit the “dad” description interrupted the chat. The tucked in shirt, “dad bod”, the paternal way they held that can of beer in hand, all gave the illusion of a fatherly figure to the Dreadbomb. Executor. My friends, it’s nothing more than that: an illusion. This person is not Seddow’s Father. 

I hope that, coming from me, a respected DB. member, this dispels the rumors and ends the joke of Seddow’s Father interrupting the FC chat. “DADBOMB” is in fact a separate person, is not “chad”, and did not enter the room to check to see if Seddow was “winning”…

Though he is. 

When the Hisec trade route choke-point of Niarja was invaded and subsequently conquered by The Triglavian Collective, the ensuing sodium chloride produced by the player parties involved during the siege—heaped upon the EVE forums, r/EVE, and community Discord servers—was enough to nearly overwhelm the game devs. The pure, unfiltered NaCl pouring out of players began piling so high CCP Sledgehammer expressed fears the company would need “to rent storage just to store it all.”

Niarja serves as a “pipe” system along the formerly shortest route between the largest trade hubs in New Eden, Jita and Amarr. When The Triglavian Collective began invading Empire systems and recruiting capsuleers to assist in taking the systems to seemingly harvest the suns for resources, many hisec and skeptical players expressed doubt any key systems would be invaded. Many of the Kybernaut (Pro-Triglavian) community dearly hoped they would, for a successful conquering of a system with the right type of sun lowers the security status, and in the final stage of “Full Liminality” the system will drop to null security – a system without CONCORD. No police, no rules for engagement, just free PvP and gatecamping. This, as one can imagine, would make moving goods via freighter through any such system much more difficult. For this reason, the system of Niraja has been viewed as the “holy grail” for Kybernauts. The Pro-Triglavian players waited in anticipation while the EDENCOM (Anti-Triglavian) supporting players expressed their doubts.

Naturally, when the system was invaded many players had mixed-to-strong feelings about the prospect. No insignificant amount of players were nervous, some outraged, while Kybernauts leapt for joy. For a brief time, the null empires looked on with vague curiosity, but soon they began throwing their lot in, seeing the importance of such a chokepoint, as it falling would mean the safest route between the two trade hubs would be a whopping 45 jumps. Such would be a minor inconvenience to null coalitions with jump freighter services so they couldn’t just sit idly by.Many hours of stalemate PvE grind and Catalyst ganks had players exhausted and venting their frustrations, aspirations, sh*tposting, and disdain for each other in local chat. Community leads, FCs and CCP could only look on as salt poured forth from players, especially as the system hit Liminality after The Imperium sent reinforcements to the outnumbered Kybernauts. Within a day of their arrival, at the command of TheMittani, the system was conquered, and the salt mounds in Niarja quickly buried local chat and began spilling over into Discord.

In a stroke of genius, CCP marketing specialist CCP Alpha formulated a plan for the overabundance of blood-pressure-elevating granules: “Why don’t we just sell the stuff?” Truly a remarkable, if risky business venture for a game development company. Masked interns were brought in by truckload, carrying boxes of CCP’s EVE themed salt shakers, and were put to the task of scooping the salt into the shakers and boxing them for shipment.

The new Premium Niarja Salt™ in EVE shakers is now available on the EVE Online Gear store. For a limited time, players can also purchase the stylish EVE Waterproof Backpack/Duffel Bag filled with Niarja salt. Players are encouraged to take advantage of this sale quickly, as the salt supply from Niarja is finite; many players burnt themselves out on shooting Triglavian and EDENCOM NPCs for several days straight.