For what has for some time now been an unsaid rule across New Eden has finally been confirmed by the scientific method. In a press interview, Chief Public Relations Officer Dr. Uskcid Suggib from the CAS announced the findings and released all research for better scrutiny by the public eye and the wider scientific community.
Dr Suggib highlighted particular trends such as the overwhelming preference of the Revelation and Moros over the other two faction variants, with the Revelation being the top favorite overall. The doctor went onto describe how they reached such conclusions. Of particular note: the Moros was a surprising second favorite due to its bulbous nature; “Ribbed for Pleasure” is highlighted numerous times in the released research.
“I have to admit it was difficult to obtain clean datasets when it came to Dreadnoughts. The sample sizes were small from the focus groups, and even then, we had to filter out personal biases to clean the data further. But I can say with confidence, of the eleven female Capsuleers in New Eden, we were able to get eight to participate in the study.” Dr Suggib went onto pull out a few graphs, spreadsheets and standard deviation datasets, but the press showed no interest; a surprising development as usually spreadsheets are a particular favorite at press conferences, so the Q&A was brought forward.
Many of the assembled press were doubtful that there were even eleven female Capsuleers to begin with in New Eden and demanded to know how the doctor verified their legitimate standings. The Doctor was stunned by this particular demand and sputtered that he hadn’t considered this a relevant verification point necessary. The press—now fairly disgruntled—continued to demand the research be redone so that the results can be confirmed with true legitimacy.
Alton Haveri from the Scope was by far the most agitated of the assembled press and was the de facto authority at the time on all things Dreadnought. “Dr Suggib, you do realise that this research needs to be absolutely concrete? We can’t have everyone and their Fedo swapping doctrines based on erroneous data. This research is of prime importance to the pride of all Capsuleers, excluding the supposed eleven in the study of course, all across New Eden. It is the pinnacle of flexing for attention in the basest of animalistic terms.”
Leaks from all majority Null Sec alliances confirms the disarray these findings are having on fleet doctrines and deployments. Many leaders have instructed their manufacturing arms to prepare for full Revelation and Moros production switches. Even the infamous Mittani made a shock appearance after many years of absence from New Eden with a speech to his underlings.
“Let it be known that I am prepared for this new information. When the findings have been confirmed, and the focus group participants verified we are going for a full doctrine switch, any pilot caught in a Phoenix or Naglfar will be immediately AWOX’ed. We cant afford for our epeens to be sullied by their presence! And don’t bring that V E R T I C A L S U P R E M A C Y crap up! Get real, the women prefer girth, people!”
The effects have even been felt in the unknown regions of Wormhole space where many large and small groups alike have painfully retired their trusty Naglfar PvE boats in favor of the less optimal but more socially appealing Revelation just in case one of the eleven so happens across their hole.
It seems that when it comes to preference for Dreadnoughts, even Darwin flexes his grip on humanity and Capsuleers alike.
