news - EVE Onion

SMALL UPDATE DOOMS 15 YEARS OF PROGRESSIVE ADVANCEMENT

Few would have ever guessed that on the eve of EVE’s 15th birthday, CCP would unleash a cataclysm of a patch. A small update...

news December 15, 2017

SPACE POPE TO GRANDSON: “ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS – EXCEPT DELVE. ATTEMPT NO LANDING THERE.”

Standing over Amarr Pride Rock with his arms outstretched, the noble figure hearkened unto the awaiting masses below that a new era was beginning....

breaking December 8, 2017

SIGNAL BOOST: INVESTORS ARE GETTING WORRIED MINOR OUTRAGE MIGHT HURT CCP’S SALES NEXT QUARTER.

Analysts within the industry are growing increasingly concerned that minor Twitter and containment forum backlash may impact sales for the coming quarter. A vocal...

news December 7, 2017

GALACTIC GOSSIP: “EVE CLASSIC” RUMORED TO BE IN DEVELOPMENT

Following hot on the trail of “World of Warcraft: Classic” and its big announcement, CCP appears to be following suite with a big reveal...

news December 7, 2017

RMT Scam Continues as Community Embraces EVE 2 Beta

Embedded deep in RMT territory, your humble spai continues to bring you, dear readers, all the salacious details as Rushlock, Frank the Bank, and...

news December 7, 2017

House of Asterion Celebrates Successful Op

J150625 – C4 Space The scene around Asterion’s Pleasure Hub was all hugs and smiles last week as House of Asterion—a Wormhole corporation that focuses...

news November 30, 2017

The Last Solo PvP Player Perishes

As a wise man once said, “It is the nature of time, that the old ways must give in. When the new meets the...

news November 30, 2017

DECOMMISSIONED CONCORD SHIPS DISAPPEAR INTO PRIVATE COLLECTIONS TO NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN

Not long after CONCORD revealed their new revolver-shaped line of ships did the bidding start on the old rusty-tool shaped line of ships. Private...

news November 30, 2017

Staff Riot Narrowly Averted in an EVE Onion Birthday Surprise

EVE Onion writers nearly rioted on Discord (https://discord.me/eveonion) on the very day of EVE Onion’s first birthday, after management refused to make the Discord...

news November 21, 2017

CCP HIRE 6TH ECONOMIST TO REMIND OTHER FIVE THEY’RE ALWAYS WRONG

“You know, the meta system doesn’t account for any real sustainability in the marketplace,” he quietly chided, much to the collective scowls and distasteful...

news November 21, 2017

Weekly Whelp!: GOONSWARM DECLARES WAR ON ITSELF

Today may just go down in EVE online history as the most brutal betrayal of all time. And as of this moment, no one...

news November 16, 2017

RESOURCE WARS CALLED OFF FOLLOWING DISCOVERY OF MORE VALUABLE ORE

Today marks a turning point for the empires. A much more valuable ore was discovered on the planet Pandora V: Unobtainium. For over a...

news November 16, 2017

CCP to Release Their First Mobile Title

Coming next spring, Capsuleers on-the-go can engage in the exciting world of EVE Online from their favorite mobile device. In a bold move, CCP...

news November 16, 2017

Experts Believe Every Contract in Jita Will be a Scam by YC 133

Jita IV, Moon IV, Caldari Navy Assembly Plant Apparently, the art of the scam is alive and well in Jita, and is thriving. It is...

news November 16, 2017

“I’M STARTING MY EMPIRE” SAYS PLAYER MINING VELDSPAR IN A CORVETTE FOR SIX HOURS

“This is how every great story begins”, says a new player mining Veldspar in a 1.0 security system, a few hours into his Eve...

news November 11, 2017

CCP Takes Bold Steps to Protect Capsuleers From Dastardly Pirates

CCP marketing and legal teams are working hard to serve players by protecting EVE Online intellectual property and ensure customers' desire for EVE themed...

news November 11, 2017