EVE Onion https://validator.w3.org/feed/docs/rss2.html About EVE Onion Blog Home Eve Onion Wins The Scope Off the Hypernet, Declares Itself Galactic News Overlord Americans Find No Escape from Reality in Their Dystopian Video Game as Real Life Gets Even More Dystopian Mineral Price Index Raising Concerns CCP Games Unveils “EVE: The Musical” CCP Games Announces “EVE: The Cooking Show” New App “EVE Whisper” Launches, Promising Anonymous Intel Sharing CCP Announces “Downtime Simulator” Expansion, Now You Too Can Experience Daily Maintenance Year-Round Capsuleer Declares “100% Safe” Route, Gets Ganked Instantly Breaking News: ‘Bazooka’ Weapon Threatens Entire Titan Fleet After 7-Day-Old Pilot Achieves What CCP Couldn’t CCP Unveils New AI Designed To Handle All Player Complaints Before Theyre Even Filed CCP Introduces New Fun Metric To Determine When Players Are Actually Having Good Time Miners Officially Stripped Of Capsuleer Status By CONCORD After Years Of Complaint Letters NPC Outranks Entire Player Base In CCP’s PvP Fest, Claims It Was ‘Just Doing Its Job’ NPC Achieves Top Rank In EVE Online PvP Event, Marking First Time CCP Acknowledged Drone Issues Area Capsuleer Spends 800 Million ISK On 1,000 Missile Launchers After Confusing Item Name With Ammunition Capsuleer Accidentally Arms Entire Enemy Fleet After Purchasing 1,000 Missile Launchers Instead Of Ammo Fenris Creations Announces AI-Powered Capsuleers Will Replace Human Players Entirely CCP Games Becomes Fenris Creations, Promises EVE Will Outlast The Heat Death Of The Universe Fenris Creations Announces EVE Online Expansion That Players Note Is Basically Just The War They Have Been Fighting For 22 Years Fenris Creations Promises New Players Safe Space To Learn Game, Then Immediately Deletes It In Galaxy-Wide War Fenris Creations Confirms Tranquility Server Outage Was Caused By Player Who Logged Off During Warp Area Man Who Flies 17 Accounts Still Can’t Win 1-V-1 Fight Jita Officially Recognized As Separate Sovereign Nation, Caldari Empire Mourns Loss Of Their System Fenris Creations Hosts Mandatory War Celebration; Employees Remind Attendees That Attendance Is Technically Voluntary Area Man Who Spent £6,000 Skipping Work Says Losing Virtual War ‘More Stressful Than Real Life’; Alliance Disbands Anyway BREAKING: Man Who Spent £6,000 And Called In Sick To Lose Virtual War Says Experience More Stressful Than Actual Life; Alliance Disbands Anyway BREAKING: Fenris Creations Removes 50 Billboards From EVE Online, Replaces Them With 3 That Are Slightly Less Terrible BREAKING: Fenris Creations Hosts Mandatory War Celebration; Employees Remind Attendees That Attendance Is Technically Voluntary BREAKING: Veteran EVE Player Who Announced He Was Quitting Over Exordium Safezone Spotted Training Newbro In Rookie Help Channel BREAKING: EVE Online Player Discovers He Has Been Playing Wrong Game For 14 Years, Actually Thought He Was Playing Starfield BREAKING: EVE Online’s Largest Scam in History Reportedly Only Netted Scammer $400 And A Sense Of Achievement BREAKING: Fenris Creations Open-Sources Carbon Engine; First Community Fork Immediately Adds Battle Pass Strait of Dudreda Propaganda War Escalates; One Side Accidentally Uses CCP Promotional Video, Other Side Publishes 4,000-Word Treatise on Maritime Law BREAKING: Fenris Creations Open-Sources Carbon Engine; Jita Local Immediately Forked Into 14,000 Unplayable Passion Projects Ganker Posts Killmail Expecting Tears; Victim Responds With 45-Minute Tutorial on Emotional Maturity CCP Open-Sources Carbon Engine; Community Immediately Finds Working Space Tetris, 15-Year-Old Easter Eggs, and Code Comments Saying “TODO: Fix This Never” EVE Online Community Celebrates July 4th the Only Way It Knows How: By Not Doing Anything and Having a Very Good Time Doing It CCP Issues 47th Warning to Known Input Broadcaster; Community Starts Betting Pool on Whether He’ll Be Banned Before Server Shutdown BREAKING: EVE Player Reaches 100% Avalon Influence After 14 Hours, Still Has No Idea What It Does About New Breach Control Module Leaves EVE Players Asking What a Breacher Pod Is EVE Vanguard FPS Players Stunned to Learn They Must Kill Actual EVE Online Players in Operation Avalon Orca Drone HP Buff Sparks Calls for Industrial Command Ships to Be Added to Alliance Tournament Nullsec Alliances Reportedly ‘Fine’ After Being Told Their Jump Gates Will Now Run On Double-A Batteries EVE Vanguard FPS Players Stunned to Learn They Must Kill Actual EVE Online Players in Operation Avalon; ‘We Thought These Were NPCs,’ Says Devastated Teen Local Man Spends Seven Months Running EVE Online’s Largest Ponzi Scheme, Retires on One PLEX and Profound Inner Peace Nullsec Alliance Logistics Director Found Weeping In Spreadsheet After Seventh Iteration Of Ansiblex Capacitor Zone Map