Local Isk Doubler Ken Moen announced publicly today that after twenty-two years of successfully giving back to the community, he would be retiring to the recently vacated region of Fountain. Coining the phrase “RISK = ISK” and tastefully exploiting a loophole in Caldari tax laws under a donation’s clause, Moen was able to build an empire.
Turning to the gathered crowd to answer questions, a quiet hush came over the assembly. Moen was asked why he had been carrying a bounty of well over four hundred billion isk for years from “satisfied customers”, he chuckled nervously and simply stated that he “had everything he needed in Jita” and had no need nor reason, in the last eight years, to undock while providing his services. “Instead”, Moen further explained that he had “established a vast network from his satisfied customers and had even offered to double things that were not isk”. At one point, Moen was doubling Scientists, Survivors, Tourists and other such livestock for not one but four major governments in an attempt to solve galactic hunger, only to find out later that his doubling efforts were in vain; Corvette class ships were simply running off with the excess and hiding it away to consume later. It’s been said in local chat channels that Moen has “198 problems, but ISK isn’t one” when it came to simply handing out the billions upon billions of ISK to any and all that purchased his service.
Moen has already purchased not one, but two wonderful acid-ocean beach front properties previously used by local celebrity The Mittani to host expensive men-only cocktail parties on a dock made exclusively from tackle fit frigates. He did not mention the second property, but it is assumed to be like the first, but larger.
Reviewing his colourful history in the business of spontaneously producing twice of whatever he’s been given, he revealed two regrets. Unfortunately, the conference was cut short by a seething tide of satisfied customers looking to tap into Moen’s skillset one last time.
