CCP Takes Bold Steps to Protect Capsuleers From Dastardly Pirates

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CCP marketing and legal teams are working hard to serve players by protecting EVE Online intellectual property and ensure customers’ desire for EVE themed merchandise remains unsated, until CCP decides Soon (tm) that the time is right to launch an official online store with more than three grossly overpriced items.

At the helm of this critical anti-piracy effort is CCP t0rfifrans, who specializes in over promising and under-delivering, and is the namesake for

torfiphobia: the fear of a game designer over promising features, services, and other products to a game’s player base (credit: Neville Smit)

His large, but fragile ego threatened by creatives actually producing inspiring content,  t0rfifrans is rumored to have performed an exhaustive five minute search of the internet, where he uncovered a nefarious network of content creators rumored to nearly break even by offering EVE-inspired materials at reasonable prices.

This exhaustive search uncovered not less than:

  • 11 RedBubble stores
  • 6 Amazon vendors
  • 12 Etsy shops
  • 4 teespring outfitters
  • 7 Flickr artists

At least one of these creatives,**redacted**, is rumored to have gone so far as to invest time and resources in preparing a prototype of a product for playtesting in order to validate viability prior to a partnership discussion with CCP, all without ever establishing a formal agreement to prepare a formal agreement under the guiding hand of t0rfifrans. Considering this creative’s track record of producing wildly successful materials, and their active engagement with the game and the community, this egregious act of fandom could not go unaddressed.

CCP t0rfifrans, reportedly livid that the community is proactively engaging in creating the content he should be driving, immediately jumped into action. t0rfifrans is rumored to have spent nearly twenty minutes typing and deleting messages to his legal team before spending another ten minutes filling in the blanks on a cease and desist letter from NoLo in order to protect potential future markets for potential EVE merchandise coming potentially Soon (tm). Unable to address the proliferation of dastardly pirates on multiple fronts, CCP t0rfifrans is rumored to have singled out the aforementioned creative for specific attention. Although rumors swirl about a secret objective to drive creatives into dark web markets—thereby boosting the value of cryptocurrency investments—this correspondent could find no evidence to support this spurious allegation against this paragon of creativity and bridge building.

A visionary genius, as well as a community builder, CCP t0rfifrans humbly acknowledges his success: “The sweet spot that we’ve landed at right now is focusing on what we are good at and partnering with those who are better at things we don’t know how to do,”  t0rfifrans elucidates in his A List interview on real world partnerships. “Our expertise is in generating computer games and generating online communities. We pride ourselves on doing that,” he continues.

Observers celebrate hallmarks of CCP t0rfifrans’s personal humility and community and relationship building expertise as:

  • Handicapping Executive Producer CCP Seagull’s ability to respond to questions pertaining to EVE Online, and to make brand decisions, in order to ensure adequate centralization of power.
  • Maintaining a clear wall of separation between product owners and the legal and marketing teams, in order to avoid any appearance of collusion.
  • Ensuring that Intellectual Property queries have no clear owner, no consistent answers, no published guidelines, and no point person at CCP, in order to allow CCP t0rfifrans maximum flexibility with potential future decisions coming potentially Soon (tm).
  • Clarifying “unapproved thoughts” in order to protect CCP artists from thoughtcrime such as implying that any successful idea has an individual other than CCP t0rfifrans as its author, or that any failed idea cannot be attributed to another. (Sadly, application of CH3CH2OH is rumored to interfere with this laudable effort.)
  • Serving as the driving force to establish partnerships across North America to ensure the wild success of CCP’s VR endeavors, and the expansion of offices in Atlanta and Newcastle.

Never is CCP t0rfifrans visionary leadership more apparent than his support for “walk-in stations“, as he elucidates a vision in which “[players are] going to be playing gambling games.” His support for community content creators and close alignment with the broad player base is most evident in his solid backing for the Fountain War Kickstarter campaign, which enjoyed broad and vocal support, and failed to fund due to no fault of his own.

Players across the globe return the salute offered by CCP t0rfifrans, acknowledging his pivotal role in so much of what keeps EVE Online good, and protects us from the perils of greatness, and especially from the onslaught of new and returning players that might result from an engaged and supportive community of players and creatives engaged in viral marketing!